My Precious Illyria-Annabel ( May be very distressing)
It is hard for me to know where to start with this story I could start with when my husband and I had found out I was pregant but I think I need to start further back. My husabnd and I had wanted a baby from the moment we got married we both love children and started planning straight away. Things did not quite go to plan and we found out having children was going to be difficult.
We tried for ages and had just given up hope and decided to foster children instead when I suddenly became very ill around our first interviews to be foster parents. We were overjoy when we discovered I was pregant we were so happy words can not discribe. However the doctor warned us that with the problem I had I could loss the baby in the first trimester.
On all our early scans the baby seemed fine except for an ovan cyst that was very close to the baby. as the weeks past my joy grow even more until at 12 wks when I had huge amounts of pain. I rush to the hospitle to find out what was wrong. The cyst had ruptured. But our baby was fine.
More weeks past and finally at 34 wks our doctor told us our baby had a strong heart beat and that it was smooth sailing.
Unfortunately by that Friday our precious little girl stopped. I told myself it was in my imagination and I had been paniky the whole pregancy but by the Sunday I decided I would go to the hospitle just to ease my mind.
The midwife was happily chatting to my husband and I reassuring me that everything was most likely fine and how women often worry in their first pregancy and then she stop. She looked at my husband and said I'm sure it's just our equipment but I will have to call the other midwife, just to check something. Other midwife came in he was also very nice but he soon became very quiet and told me he was getting my doctor. I still lay in the bed I did quite know what was going on but when my doctor came in it hit me somethings gone wrong. I was rushed in the altersound room were the altersound lady said I'm so sorry sweetie I can't find a heart beat. I was so shocked I could see my baby on the scan she looked fine but they were right not heart beat.
I prayed all night and woke up the next day thinking I had just had the worst nightmare of my entire life but my husband had the same dream.
The labour was horrible I was conviced that it I when through labour with no drugs my baby would live. I had an induced labour and had no pain relief. I can't remeber much of the labour but my husband said it was very tramatic and he becomes very upset when we talk about it.
The crazy thig is Illyria was so beautiful the first moment I held her she looked so beauitful I forgot what the labour was like and because she looked so perfect I thought she was alive. She wasn't, she never cried out for me, she never opened her eyes. I even pinched her on the leg just to make sure that the doctor was right.
The hardest thing was going back to the maternaty ward and hearing all the babys crying for their mums and know my little girl would not do that.
Today I still think about my beautiful girl. I look at her pictures and her little foot prints and her little hands and I love her so much. I did not have her for long but she will be in my heart forever. My beautiful Illyria-Annabel
My Precious Illyria-Annabel ( May be very distressing)
I know every single one of those feelings :( Big hugs.
My Precious Illyria-Annabel ( May be very distressing)
I am so sorry for your loss.
Fly free precious little angel
