Feeling sorry for myself and need an outlet!
Hi Ladies,
I just needed an outlet to pour out my frustration.
My 1st IVF cycle was cancelled today, just two days before my scheduled egg pick-up. I'm devastated. I know many of you have been down this road before, so I take comfort in the fact that if other women can get through the emotional strain, I can too.
Things were going well on my last scan, I had 6 decent follicles and a number of smaller ones that they were hoping to grow with a stronger dose of Gonal F. Unfortunately, this didn't happen, and what was 6 decent follicles last week was only 3 this week.
We are doing PGD as well, so going ahead with a cycle with only 3 follicles wasn't really an option. I was so looking forward to just trying, you know? Even though I didn't have the highest of hopes for cycle number 1, I had it in my head, "well, at least we are giving it a go".
My wonderful partner has been so good to me. NOt bothering with his own emotions and just making sure I'm in check. So the one positive thing is at least I can do this with him at my side.
I wrote this for my partner a few months ago, I was just reading it, and thought I would share...
One Day
One day I'll be a little babe,
Safe in my daddy's arms.
With lots of love and cuddles,
Out of the way of harm.
I know I'm not around yet,
But its a sure thing I can say,
when you and mummy have me,
it will be the happiest day.
When I come into this world,
the first face that I'll see,
will be my daddy's happy smiling face,
shining down at me.
I know I'm not around yet,
but I'm hoping it will be soon,
while my mummy cries tears of joy,
You will be over the moon.
In your eyes I'm perfect,
it's a hard thing to live up to.
But with all your love and guidance,
my love for you will shine through.
I know I'm not around yet,
but mummy prays I will be.
I know you're ready for me to come,
and love me wholeheartedly.
When I'm in mums tummy,
I'll be listening out for you,
telling me you love me,
and me thinking "I love you too"
I know I'm not around yet,
but mummy wants me to say,
that she can't wait to give you the gift,
of me on my 'birth-day'.
When god lets me come to you,
I want you to hold me tight.
Give me cuddles, play with me
and love me with all of your mite.
I know I'm not around yet,
but come the time I am,
I couldn't wish for a better dad,
Or a kinder loving man.
Ok, that's enough before I get myself too emotional! haha
kimmi xx
