How do I grieve no more kids?

I am so incredibly lucky to have two amazing kids, DD is 3 and DS is 1, and am so grateful for my beautiful healthy little ones. Yes there are times that I struggle but I have the most overwhelming urge for one more little one to join our family.
DH is very content with our family as it is and has ruled out any more kids. He had even booked himself in for a vasectomy, which I thankfully managed to talk him out of.
I am so lucky as I have great pregnancies, labours, births and have managed to b/f both my kids so far. DH has never wanted three so it's not as if he changed his mind and left me high and dry so to speak. So I've been trying to get my head around that there will not be anymore kids and enjoy every day with my family but I just can't get over it. I just can't stop imaging another little one pottering around playing with DD and DS. Never having those overnight feeds and cuddles just you and bubba. Olive's post about the Big W catalgue hit home as I cried over the catalogue knowing I don't need to look anymore.
It's a bit crazy isn't it? So how do you handle the fact that there will be no more kids?

TIA,
Dan.

aww Dan I know how your feeling, my DH booked himself in too & then we had a chat whilst out chopping wood of all place's lol thats where I was when I go the call that I wasnt pregnant (we thought we were gonna have a whoopsie) and we thought it wouldnt be so bad after all.
Have you sat down and told him how you feel?

I have 3 children Dan - and I grieve no more children. My eldest is 14 and half, my youngest 3 1/2. the ache is amazing - and surprising. Some days I can settle for living vicariously through the women I know that are still having children, other days its a little harder. The answer - I have no idea. But just wanted to let you know that your not alone. :hug:

Hello, sorry to feel that you are feeling this way. Have you expressed this deep desire to your DH? Maybe he doesn't realise how much you want the third child. If you haven't already maybe you should sit down with your DH and talk openly about it putting everything on the table. That way you won't have any regrets about trying to get him to change his mind. If his answer is still no at least you know you gave it a try. I would think that in time like any grief it would fade away. I have heard many women gush about how lovely it is to have big children no longer in nappies etc etc and in time your two beautiful kids may entertain you and you would forget about your desire to have a third. I think for most women regardless of how many kids they want or have, it is sad knowing you won't cuddle a baby of your own again or see a little person walk for the first time. I am pretty sure I want to kids, yet know I'll still be sad knowing this phase of my life will be over in time. Have you come from a large family or small family and perhaps this or some other belief you have making you want a family of three kids? Just trying to help. Love Jan xox

... i too wish i could wave a magic wand and have that awlful heavy grieving feeling go away, my DD is now 4years old and the feeling still hasn't lightened which to be honest kind of shocks me that it hasn't ... As for the BigW catelogue sadly it hits me the same way but in an odd way i make myself go through it in the hope it might help disenstive me even in the smallest minute way but of course it never does :(

Hugs to you Dan from me during this tug-on-the heart journey:hug:

I'm the reverse. I've had a few people (midwives mostly) say "see you when you have the next baby!" but I'm kind of looking forward to getting rid of all this baby and maternity stuff cluttering the house. I'm booking the other half in for a vas at my 6 week checkup.

Where the heck do you store 4 kids? Having enough issues with 3 - 4 would be unworkable!

Rewind a year or so though ... apparently there was a good reason I hadn't got around to throwing out all the tiny baby stuff.

i'm feeling a bit the same as you atm Dan.
i just sold my bassinette as i won't ever be needing it again :(
sometimes i really do think #3 would be so lovely for our family

Id love to know the answer to this because it would make life right now a whole lot easier for me.

I did sell or give away all our baby things though. Ive still got a swing sitting here that I just cannot seem to part with..........but Im going to have to bite the bullet soon.

I guess I just live in hope that Dh will change his mind. I think once the boys are in school I will accept that that part of my life is over and done with because if I havent convinced DH one more is a good idea by then, its never going to happen.

:hug:

if any of you work out a way to convince your dh's- let me know what the secret is! LOL

Oh Dan, I imagine that your line of work isn't helping either :hug:

I don't know what to say but couldn't not post. DS is still little, do you think that in another year or so your DH might come around? Maybe you could convince him to think about it again in 12 months?

We did originally have a tentative agreement to discuss #3 when DS was 2 but over the last few months DH is getting more and more content with our kids and is loving moving into stage of having little kids not babies. He loves that DS is now walking and is that tiny bit independant and we don't have to take the massive nappy bag and can make do without the pram if we need to. I want him to want more kids not just give in to me IYKWIM. If only there was a magic wand for us.

Get a friend with an exceptionally cute, well behaved baby and invite them over :)

I have three really cute ones if you want to borrow to wave at him, but one is a tweenager so probably not the kind of cute you need to encourage babies. More the kind that encourages tweenage boys ...

I can sympathise.

Before having children DH and I decided 2 children was enough for us. DH was certain of it. In fact he said he would never agree to another and continued to say so after DS2 was born. He was happy and content with his 2 little boys.

I on the other hand was shocked to find that I wasnt feeling content with only 2. I kept thinking 'is that it, but Im only 27' how can I already be done? I have 5 siblings so to only have 2 kids seemed strange. I just didnt feel complete. I was very depressed at the thought of not having any more. Luckilly DH saw how it was affecting me and although I never forced it upon him, finally he agreed it wouldnt be so bad to have another. Funnily enough, he is actually looking forward to it now.

If it means that much to you, then talk to your DH about it. You could ask yourself if your want for another is greater than his want to be finished. Maybe if he had a chance to think about it he might not think it is so bad. Also, maybe if you really think about it you will discover you really are content with 2, because honestly sometimes the thought of 3 kids scares me.

The other thing I worry about is whether I will feel complete after having #3. I know for sure my mum wasnt, and for us there is no way we will be going for #4. I do worry about that. I worry about how I'll feel when Im done with having kids too. Its hard especially when you arent ready.

Good luck with it.

My mum has told me in the past that when she and dad decided that 3 was enough after my youngest sister was born, she had to grieve. In particular she said the moment immediately after the baby is born when she felt that rush of unconditional love unlike anything she'd ever felt before, was such a magical moment that the idea she would never have that again made her feel quite sad. I think she has just focused on enjoying us at every age we are, doing different things, planning holidays, and now that we are all in our twenties I think she is very much looking forward to being a nana :)

I really do know how you feel and I do sympathise with you. I have been grieving for months and it is getting better, although I just knew I had to have number 3. If I was younger with less aches and pains and more patience I would go for another. For now I am focusing on moving forward.

I must say I feel the same way.
I have been blessed with three beautiful children and three wonderful pregnancies and births.
I had always said I wanted 4, DH has said 3.
So we have three. I would love another little bubba to join our clan. In reality I don't see it happening unless its a whoopsie.
Dh likes the comforts of life and with our eldest being nearly 12 I think he is looking forward to some grown up times, although with the youngest being 2 its a long way off.

I know how you feel, in bucket loads Dan, I'm tearing up typing this ! I have 2 teenagers DH and I have a 3yr old. I made no secret of the fact that I wanted another IF the prenancy with DS 3 went well, it did. When he reached 1 yr old I mentioned when to start trying again and he just flat out said NO. Its been 18 months since he really put his foot down and I still think about it every day and cry about it frequently. There is an age factor for us, I am now 42 and he is 45. I dont see that as too much of a problem. To me its like DS 3 is an only child as he is so much younger and teenagers are so into their social lives a preschooler doesnt really enter into it much. Its just another reason to want 1 more though. Really its me that wants another SO MUCH. Any way none of this helps you, sorry, I'm just another greiving ! I hope it helps to know you are not the only one. I know it helps me , just a bit , knowing you all understand how I feel right now.