So close - and yet so far!

Well....
After a couple of cycles of IUI's at the clinic I've begun self-inseminating with a known donor, and that's gone really well.

I posted in the introductions thread on my fourth day of the TWW and about 10 days later I had 2 lines on home pregnancy tests PLUS sore boobage! (Wanted to tear off my top at work!). So I was pregnant... a bit :D But sadly it wasn't a sticky one and hormone levels just were not rising as they should have been and, in a new twist of this TTC journey I actually got my period about a week later *on my birthday* - ouch!

On the one hand this was really disappointing of course, but on the other I guess I'm really glad to feel that I *can* conceive. This was only the second month of trying with my known donor and the first time that I felt our timing was good. At 35 I feel this is a good result! Also, my doctor says there is no cause for concern, that most women wouldn't have even known they were pregnant at such an early stage at all. It's just that inseminating, you are aware of EVERYTHING!!

So it's next month already and I'm back in the saddle, having just inseminated twice, before and on ovulation. It's strange though. Usually at this phase of the cycle I feel positive and upbeat, but at the moment I feel I'm a little detached... Like I should be doing all kinds of positive thinking/affirmations you name it, but I'm..... not!
I still *really* want to be pregnant though. I just wish it would happen already!

Has anyone else been in a similar position? How did you look after yourself/stay positive?
Thanks so much! Jen

:

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Well....
After a couple of cycles of IUI's at the clinic I've begun self-inseminating with a known donor, and that's gone really well.

I posted in the introductions thread on my fourth day of the TWW and about 10 days later I had 2 lines on home pregnancy tests PLUS sore boobage! (Wanted to tear off my top at work!). So I was pregnant... a bit :D But sadly it wasn't a sticky one and hormone levels just were not rising as they should have been and, in a new twist of this TTC journey I actually got my period about a week later *on my birthday* - ouch!

On the one hand this was really disappointing of course, but on the other I guess I'm really glad to feel that I *can* conceive. This was only the second month of trying with my known donor and the first time that I felt our timing was good. At 35 I feel this is a good result! Also, my doctor says there is no cause for concern, that most women wouldn't have even known they were pregnant at such an early stage at all. It's just that inseminating, you are aware of EVERYTHING!!

So it's next month already and I'm back in the saddle, having just inseminated twice, before and on ovulation. It's strange though. Usually at this phase of the cycle I feel positive and upbeat, but at the moment I feel I'm a little detached... Like I should be doing all kinds of positive thinking/affirmations you name it, but I'm..... not!
I still *really* want to be pregnant though. I just wish it would happen already!

Has anyone else been in a similar position? How did you look after yourself/stay positive?
Thanks so much! Jen

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Hi Jen,

apologies for the previous post that says nothing.... :) hit the button too soon.

Sorry to hear about your loss - it is sad, but in my opinion if you dwell on it i think you fail to move forward. I had my period of sadness and grief - and then thought that's it - i have to move forward. That is what i thought anyway - when it happened to me twice. :(

the first time - i was 8 weeks - and had to have a D&C and spent 5 days in hospital and all the rest of the trauma of loss that goes along with it - 2nd time 5 weeks and i just seemed to carry on.

then 5 months later i was pregnant with my son and i guess when i think back now - 4.5 years later - it was a sad time, i haven't forgotten what i went through, who they might have been or what might have been - but i am thankful everyday for my little boy - and feel the need to squeeze him more often than perhaps i would have if i hadn't have experienced the trauma of loss.

Stay positive - it will happen and perhaps you will feel like i do - sad that it happened but glad that it did in some small way as you seem to treasure what you have so much more...i do anyway.

Focus on this month or next until it happens - best of luck.

Cheers
Levi

Hi Levi,

Thankyou so much for replying to my post and sharing your experiences. I was barely 4-5 weeks along and it felt too early to call it a miscarriage, especially out of respect for those women like yourself who have lost pregnancies further along.
Nevertheless, it helped a lot to write about it here and vent a little! - Not too many people know I'm trying to conceive so at the time I just didn't know what to do with the feelings.

Your story was a reminder that I'm not alone, as well as being very encouraging! I'm really glad to hear about your little guy too!

Now I feel happy that I was able to conceive and, after a weird, way out of whack cycle (due to one of my ovaries showing signs of PCOS - I'm about to give up sugar... yikes!!
:o), I'm getting back in the saddle..

Thanks again!
Jen