When to talk about more kids...

Hi there,

I am now on the otherside of a very long and painful miscarriage.

Am very confused as to how to feel and what to do with myself.

The first 3 seconds of my day have to be the easiest, it usually takes at least that long to realise that I am no longer pregnant. At this time I toss up whether or not to wake up for an inevitable cry or just force myself to go back to sleep so I don't have to think about it.

I am not married but have been in a long term committed relationship for a while now. As the pregnancy was unplanned I don't know how appropriate it is to talk to my partner about wanting more children. We are still youngish, however I know that if we stay together that babies and marriage would be the direction we would most likely go towards.

He has been totally supportive, but as we all know, us girls generally get more attached to the idea of having kids (especially with the help of all the hormones running through our system at the time of pregnancy). My question is, do you think it would be a good thing for me to tell my partner that I still want a baby in the near future. Or let the pregnancy hormones and grief pass before thinking about talking to him about it? I'm pretty sure the hormones have a bit to do with it, but I think the main thing is that I prepared myself for being a mother in my head so much, that it's very difficult to let go of the idea.

Any advice would be much appreciated. Good luck ladies :)

Oh honey, I am so sorry for your loss. I think it is a good idea to talk to your partner about how you are feeling, talking is part of the healing. Maybe now isn't the time to push for an agreement to have more kids in the near future, but talking about the loss you are feeling and sharing what you just shared with us, with him, is important. :hug:

Sorry double post

Im sorry for your loss:(:hug:

I would just chat to your partner on how they feel about what happened and when they would idealy like to have children.

You may be surprised in the answer. Maybe tis unplanned pregnancy and this terrible loss has woken you both up to the fact you want kids;)

i always believe that its good to talk to your partner and know what page you are both on. That is the only way to support each other through this horrible time!

Hi there!

I've just been through a horrific miscarriage a week ago...And I have to say, talking with my partner about everything has helped. I went through the exact same questions of is it too soon, does he feel the same, is it just hormones. But you know what? He was thinking everything I was and was even more scared of bringing it up for fear of hurting me or upsetting me more.

I think you have both been through something that makes couples so much stronger. And I think its mostly because they are such huge things to talk about that if you can talk, and get through the loss of a child, and even consider more children, then you were bound together more than you realised pre-pregnancy.

I hope all is well...Look after yourself and DH - he will surprise you!

Lots of good vibes!!