Any advice on how to cope when friends tell you they are pregnant?

Hi, I am new to this forum and this is my first post on bellybelly. We have just been told we have to go through ICSI. I was just wondering how you all cope when you see other people pregnant? I work with a lot of women and there is always someone pregnant or bringing in a baby to show off. During the early stages of TTC I used to love talking to pregnant women or women with babies but the longer it is taking us and now especially as we are very unlikely to get pregnant naturally, I’m finding it very hard.
My friend at work has just told me she is pregnant and I am so pleased for her but at the same time I’m very upset and I am finding that I am avoiding talking to her which I know is silly. She knows that I am TTC but I’ve not mentioned IVF/ICSI to her. Any advice on how to cope would be great.

It's really hard hey?

At one point, just before we started our IVF cycle, I had 11 friends who were pregnant. So there was no avoiding some of them. I coped by getting horribly drunk at a party one night when 3 of them were there rubbing their bellies. DH, my knight in shining armour took me home before I did or said something I'd be sorry for. So don't do that!! LOL, not really coping hey?

I just reminded myself of all the lovely things in my life and tried to just picture myself being pregnant and thinking positively. It worked sometimes and not others.

It is a hard journey and you have come to the right place.
Sorry I haven't been much help but just wanted to totally acknowledge where you are coming from.
:hug::hug::hug:
Sue xx

Hi Hun,

Welcome to bellybelly. My hubby and I are also doing IVF ICSI at the moment. My best friend and a few other friends are preganant at the moment. Although of course you are happy with them, I think it def does help to be honest with your friends and tell them what you are going through.

The day my best friend found out she was pregnant, she rang me in tears saying she wanted me to be the first person to know. I felt awful that she was upset telling me and of course I was thrilled for her as they had also been trying. Pregnant or not pregnant she is still my best friend and I tell her everything. If im having a crap day and feeling down about everything, I tell her, and she always makes me feel better.

I dont hide away and I dont feel any shame telling ppl that we are using assisted conception. People are curious and will always ask questions, but I like that try to understand what we are going through and that when we are lucky enough to get our baby, everyone will know just how wanted and loved they are.

Chin up honey and the girls in the LTTTC and assisted conception chat are fantastic.

Aim xxx

abj, everything the girls said :) this i find is the hardest thing for me, i work with lots of women too and some are pregnant or just had babies! everyone at my work knows my situation and are really good but it is very hard to be happy for everyone when we are all going through so much. I don't really know how i cope with it, i do try and block alot of it out or just tell my self i will appreciate our baby so much more for what we are going through. I was best friends with a girl at work but no longer anymore, i found out she was pregnant to the guy she had only just started dating that month! she said i wasn't supportive of her, I prob sound like a complete B*tch but i said all the right stuff and it still wasnt good enough! how did she expect me to jump for joy with everything im going through especially when she never cared about my journey? One thing i can tell you is i have learnt who my true friends are since going through IVF, this same girl sat there and talked about miscariages in front of mr in the staff room for half an hour when i had just lost my baby 1/2 a week before hand, some people are horrible. So sorry for the long story but dont feel bad for feeling a little upset of others you have every right, just try and deal with it the best you can. Goodluck xx

Thanks so much Mummasue. I think I am finally facing up to the fact that it is going to be hard journey. I’m really glad I posted my message now.
Aim - I do feel a lot calmer now, knowing that there are people out there going through the same thing. You are right, I think deep down I feel that going through IVF/ICSI is something I should keep quiet about but I shouldn’t feel any shame about it. I guess, I just don’t want to have people asking questions all the time.
One day 86 – thanks so much for your reply. I understand re your friend at work. We have a girl at work who has an unplanned pregnancy and doesn’t really care much for her coming baby, which is hard but I have bitten my lip and said nothing as everyone is entitled to their choices but its bldy hard!
I shall have to learn to use those icons and abbreviations now too!
Thanks heaps all of you. I spent most of today in tears and now I feel much stronger. I really appreciate your words. :)

No worries love, good luck with it all and pop over and say hi in the other thread if you need other people to chat to xxx

Im glad we have helped :) if you need to cry then cry, i cry all the time lol it seems to make me feel better sometimes. Like i said in my other message everyone at my work knows but i decided to keep this cycle on the low because sometimes the questions all the time become a bit tyring but it has been helpful too having friends to vent too when im down. And dont ever feel alone because your certainly not alone and belly belly is such a great place to share your feelings or ask questions. All the best xx

Glad to hear you're feeling stronger about it all. This truly is a wonderful site to come and vent your troubles away. LOADS of ladies who know how you are feeling.

Sue xxx

Hi
Well i completely understand, it took 2 and a half years for my DH and I to fall pregnant with IVF/ICSI and yet it seemed so easy for others as many friends fell pregnant at once. Our son is now 16 months and we are back seeing specialists again but trying to hold off doing FET until the beginning of next year as i have had a lot of post-pregnancy issues. Even now i find it hard when friends fall pregnant especially without trying or by accident but i try to think i have one beautiful child and if thats all i get then that will be enough. I used to even get upset with people who had one child and were desperatly trying for a second. All i can say to help you cope is that you need to acknowledge how you feel to those closest to you and try to remain positive that your turn will soon come.
All the best
Bee

:hug:
It's already been said, but knowing that other people are going through the same thing helps me immensely.
The first few months of IVF I'd cry at the drop of a hat and found it really difficult to be around pregnant friends. Initially I was too emotional to bring it up with anyone and would avoid people or situations. Eventually I had to tell some people because I could see that my behaviour was coming across as a bit weird!
The few people that we have told have been really supportive, but DH doesn't want too many people to know about it so mostly we've kept quiet - which is why it's so good to be able to talk here!
I promise it gets easier :hug: Good luck!

Most of us can relate to this!

My hubby has been experiencing health problems for some time now and our only hope of conceiving at the moment is through ICSI. We are both desperately wanting to become parents and my hubby would be a great dad and it is just devestating to see the hurt in his eyes, especially when we hear yet another family member or friend is 'having a baby'.
Ofcourse we are always absolutely thrilled for them & if we are struggling to directly show them how happy we are for them, then we send them a card and present instead. Unfortunately this does not always work. I now realise that there is always going to be that selfish friend that only cares about her pregnancy news & doesn't want to be burdened by your problems.... as I found with my best friend of >20 years - we have been totally honest with them about us having to do IVF/ICSI, but she was still totally heartless when she told us about her pregnancy news & then went around telling people that we were not even excited about their baby news! So hurtful!:redface:
I hope you never experience this, as it was absolutely soul destroying & I so deperately need/want support as we have just commenced our first cycle of ICSI, but I am now totally reluctant to discuss with friends/family, as I am scared that they think I am 'burdening them with our problems'.

Some people say it is a good idea to remove yourself from people that are pregnant or who have babies during IVF/ICSI ... then other people have told me to surround myself with people who are pregnant and have babies/children... what is the best advice do you think??????

Hi possum80

I really really hope all goes well with your first ICSI cycle. We have to have ICSI as well and we have our nurse/counsellor appt next month and then we can start our first cycle. I am part scared and part excited but don't want to get remotely hopeful. All these emotions are quite hard to deal with but after all these wonderful replies, I am feeling so much better.

I'm really sorry to hear about your friend. I had no idea how hard it woud be and how awful you feel when you get told that you have little chance of concieving naturally. Thank goodness for this forum. I was starting to feel that I had fallen into an abyss and this forum is like a shelf that came out and saved me from falling too far.

As for your question. If someone brings a baby into work and I don't feel like I can cope with seeing it then I just shut my door. If I am feeling stronger, then I just go in and say hi and then leave again. I think you just have to go with how you feel on the day.

take care

Possum80, your comment made me cry because thats how i feel too, the hardest thing for me is seeing my DH hurt so much! I feel so much for all the women and other ppl in the world that have to go through such an emotional rollercoater that i find it so hard that other ppl cant see it and don't have respect for how we are feeling, I wouldn't wish IVF upon anyone because its not fair that anyone should have to go through it but sometimes i wish selfish ppl (like my old best friend) could just feel the pain i feel everyday and how much it really does hurt to have all your dreams taken away from you. Im on my last frozen cycle from my first STIM cycle, im pretty sure it hasn't worked, i said to my DH last night 'at what point should we consider putting our names down for adoption?' I never thought in a million years this might be the road we would have to take but after 3 failed cycles and 1 miscariage i start to wonder if it will ever happen for us. I wish you both the very best for your first ICSI cycles, don't be afraid it has been the biggest challenge so far in my life and i truly believe im a better person for it. xxx

I know exactly how you feel - I started a very similar thread a couple of days ago in the LT TTC forum. I have taken the advice of some of the girls there and am going to talk about what I'm going through a bit more - just to try and stop feeling so alone. I haven't tried out this new strategy yet, but I'll let you know how I go after this weekend. Good luck with everything!!

hey ladies just needed to repost this thread! I found out on tuesday ANOTHER girl at work is pg!!! this is the 3rd one now and not to mention about 5 parents who are too :( I was very brave and showed excitment for her but the rest of the day the tears were just stitting their waiting to burst out and with all my mite i had to stop them! When i got home i burst into tears, Dh said to me how many ppl have to get pg before you will be able to deal with it? and im not sure of the answer, everytime i just feel the same hurt i did with the first person telling me, i just feel like iv been left behind, i thought i would be delivering a baby (high expectations) by the end of the yr but instead everyone else is falling pg around me and im still here not pg! I work in child care so i see and talk to the other staff all the time i can never escape my baby dramas because everyone is pg talking about it and im faced with children all the time. Sorry to winge im just having a down few days but im sure i will be fine 2mo! I hope your all travelling well xxx

:hug: :hug: :hug:

To be honest oneday, I still get that stab of envy when I hear of people falling pregnant naturally. I think that LTTTC and IVF have scarred me in that way.

:hug:

Sue xxxx

Hi Oneday86
I am still very up and down about it all. Some days I'm fine and feel really positive, other days I can't bear to talk to those I know are pregnant. I don't have an easy answer, just that you know that you aren't alone. Its hard for DH's too as they try their best to understand and to be comforting but its hard for them to understand exactly how we feel. Keep going. We are in this together and we have to be positive that it WILL happen for us. xx

Thanks mumma sue and abj :) very true i dont think we ever will be able to fully cope with it even when we do all fall pg but we are better ppl for what we are going through and will appreciate our babies so much more for our journeys xx