Just needing reassurance that was doing the right thing... sorry a bit long

Ok, you know that old saying that if it aint broke don't fix it? DS2 was sleeping pretty well - 3 or 4 day sleeps of up to 2 hours each then about 5 or 6 hours at the start of the night then waking for feeds at about 2 am and another one around 5:30 or 6... He is now 19 weeks old... last week he started waking an extra time at night, around 10 and sometimes needing a cuddle or the dummy between times...

But I was feeling pretty good and like I was coping... then I went to a talk at our local library last night, given by Dr Brian Symons (sp?) who wrote 'Silent Nights' and 'Save our Sleep'... so today I've tried his tactics of just putting DS2 down when he's getting grumpy and shutting the door and leaving him... The expert says it can take 3 nights of crying for it to work but that he will settle after that and be able to put himself to back to sleep between the sleep cycles...

Needless to say today it hasn't worked and I am the most uptight and stressed I've been since DS2 was about 4 weeks old! Does it matter that he needs feeds and that if I can't resettle him after his early morning feed I bring him into my bed so I get those extra couple of hours (depending on how long DS1 sleeps in... ) aaaaargh now I'm second guessing myself all day!

Will DS2 eventually learn to sleep through anyway? Or will I have one of these kids on my hands who just never sleeps? As for some of the other stuff this guy said (like solids from 7 or 8 weeks...) not convinced... but he's the expert with statistics from his practice etc...

HELP!!! I just want to be that relaxed mummy I was 24 hours ago:wall:

Yikes, don't know about that 'expert'. His advice on solids is WAY WAY wrong.

I think you've answered your own question here. Before when you were following your instincts and doing what you thought was right you were coping and feeling like things were going well. When you changed things up and listened to this dude's advice you felt 'uptight and stressed'.

Always listen to yourself. You are his mummy, you know what's right. Trust your instincts, that's always the best way!

You might find some better advice in one of Pinky McKay's books or 'What every parent needs to know' by Margot Sunderland.

:hug: You're doing a great job.

I think you already know the answer to this - and your son certainly does! IT's the golden rule - do what works.

I'm not familiar with this guy, but his advice sounds very suspect. He may claim to be an expert, but he's never met your son, so how on earth could he know what's better for him than you do?
Sleep and settling are not the be all and end all of parenting. If things are working well and you're all happy, then it's all good! Kids learn to sleep on their own when they are ready - sometimes it's very early, sometimes it's much later on, but it is never a reflection of your parenting ability and it is not something that needs to be 'fixed', only managed in whatever way works best for you.

Try to erase everything he said from your mind :hug:

I think you were going just fine to start with :).

I agree with Marcellus - hit the erase button on everything he said and go back to doing what you and DS were doing best - sleeping and being chilled out!

If you aren't comfortable with it (which it sounds like you aren't) then it isn't right for you! What you were doing in the first place sounds like it was working just fine. My bub who is 5months on the 30th (sorry, lost track of weeks) started waking more often overnight recently. Apparently this is normal and can be a growth spurt. I just offer a feed and give her a cuddle and then put her back in bed. I generally bring her in with me for a couple of hours in the morning if she doesnt want to settle as easily then as well.

Your a great mum and just go with what works for you and your family!

I just had a look at this guy's website....
Apparently contact with parents is a 'reward' and should be withheld overnight to ensure sensible sleeping patterns.
ok.

:

---

I just had a look at this guy's website....
Apparently contact with parents is a 'reward' and should be withheld overnight to ensure sensible sleeping patterns.
ok.

---

Wow. I'm a little speechless.......

Lewis' Mummy you're the expert on your little one, and I think it sounds like you were doing just fine before hearing this guy's 'advice'. My DD was in a really similar pattern at around 19 weeks, and she also started adding in an extra wake up at around 10pm. Then it all calmed down again. You are doing everything right so please disregard everything you heard and go with what was working for you guys.

:

---

I just had a look at this guy's website....
Apparently contact with parents is a 'reward' and should be withheld overnight to ensure sensible sleeping patterns.
ok.

---

OMG, contact is a REWARD????? wow.

I agree with everyone else, you're doing a fabulous job and only you can know what is best for your boy xxxxx

:hug: Oh hun I just read this so called experts site and locking a child in their room is dangerous! ...not saying you did buit this advice frightens me :(

Please please trust YOUR instincts and do what YOUR heart tells you, not a person who has no emotional connection to your son. Can I gentle suggest reading any of the books by Pinky Mckay and Elziabeth Pantley. there is a whole load of info out there on the risks of letting a baby cry to sleep. If it is for you then do only if your comfortable...dont do something if your not :hug:

Go back to 24hours and do what you were doing, he will sleep eventual and you will be glad for trusting your instincts :hug: xxx

:

---

I just had a look at this guy's website....
Apparently contact with parents is a 'reward' and should be withheld overnight to ensure sensible sleeping patterns.
ok.

---

:o Oh boy...

Well as for him being as 'expert' ... you're the mummy :) so I figure YOU are the expert on what your little guy needs and what works for you both.

It's normal for babies sleep patterns to change, they might go from sleeping well, to not-so-well, back to well again & then change again.
Or they could do what all my kids did... start out so-so & get worse :lol:

Truly, I have had 4 'bad' sleepers. They do all sleep through eventually. 18 - 22 months seems to be the magic mark for us. It might not be what you want to hear right now (although your little boy might be complettely different, too) but really it's like the end stages of pregnancy - hard & seems endless at the time, but gone before you know it.
Trust your instincts hun :hug:

Thanks everyone! DS2 is currently sleeping soundly, wrapped snuggly as before, was very drowsy on the boob and is back in our room. We will get to moving him into his cot in his room (it doesn't fit in ours) over the next few weeks as there's barely any room left in the bassinette, but it will be on our terms! Fingers crossed both of us are more relaxed and happy again tomorrow - I knew I was right! Don't fix what aint broke :)

I just had a look at his site. So so wrong! He advocates starting solids from 3 months, for a formula 'top up' to be given to a newborn baby after their first feed, to limit the length of breastfeeds, for boys to be fed more than girls....

Lewis's Mum, please ignore him.

classic case of mumma knows best here. You do what you think is right.
if my dd only wakes up twice a night i'm one happy lady.

And the solids, no way, a babys' gut can't digest the food at such a young age, DD's sleep was getting less and less at night and constantly wanting to feed at 4 months, she was really wanting food almost asking for it (if a 4 month old can do that) close to 5 months I gave in to her and started mixing some rice ceral with ebm to hopefully get her sleeping through the night, but she got sick of it and i've offered her a couple of vegies now, but i've scaled it back again because although she is mentally ready for the food i don't think her tummy is yet as she gts terrible wind during the night.

Despite all my efforts i still have a crappy sleeper and she was getting worse during the day so now I feed her in a dark room where her brother isn't distracting her and put her down to sleep. If she gets too adjitated (sp)I try again later, because this girl screems like a banshee and does not give up.

As everyone else has said, do wat works. Every baby is different so things that work 4 some babies such as self settling won't work for others.
My DS only sleeps in the evening and night apart from catnaps. And he only sleeps in his bassinet from about 8pm til 2am, from 2am he is in bed with us cos otherwise we r 'up for the day' he will sleep in bed with us until 9am or so with boobie on tap. I've been told I will 'spoil him' (at the time he was 8wks) but trying to do anything else just resulted in everyone being tired & cranky.

Hi Lewis' Mum.

I found that my 3rd son went from being a fantastic sleeper to being unsettled at night around the 16 week mark. I do honestly think it was due to him start to get hungry, that being said I still held out til he was about 4 1/2 months and he was given some rice cereal morning and night, slowly increasing to small amounts of vegies and fruit. I maintained this until he was 6 months old and then introduced all the foods to him.

I no I go against the majority of withholding solids untill 6 months but I have read several different reports on the benefits of slowly introducing solids from 4 months, so I wasn't concerned with that. It too another couple of months for his sleep to return to going through the night and now he is just a champ and sleeps through 11 hours at night.

Good luck, you will ride through this phase.

:

---

Hi Lewis' Mum.

I found that my 3rd son went from being a fantastic sleeper to being unsettled at night around the 16 week mark. I do honestly think it was due to him start to get hungry, that being said I still held out til he was about 4 1/2 months and he was given some rice cereal morning and night, slowly increasing to small amounts of vegies and fruit. I maintained this until he was 6 months old and then introduced all the foods to him.

I no I go against the majority of withholding solids untill 6 months but I have read several different reports on the benefits of slowly introducing solids from 4 months, so I wasn't concerned with that. It too another couple of months for his sleep to return to going through the night and now he is just a champ and sleeps through 11 hours at night.

Good luck, you will ride through this phase.

---

That sounds like us at the moment, but she's getting such bad gas it's effecting her sleep, but if i don't give her food she gets quite agitated, she yells at me, it's stll amusing to me to see a 5.5 month old banging her fists on a high chair wanting food