Does it get better???

DS is about to start day care one day a week.. he has been by my side exclusivley for over two years and other than hanging out with dad he has never been away from me for long periods of time- so we have been having lots of orientation at the the day care centre where i am still there and he is getting to know the carers and the kids.

But so far we havent had alot of luck when i am not right beside him... i am in two minds about how i have been doing things.. i didnt want him to get too used to me being there right beside him coz then when he is going without me it would be a big change- but at the same time- i want him to feel safe and secure... so i have stayed with him for a bit- and then i tell him i am just going to check on baby or go to the office and leave him to play.. he is ok for about 20-30 minutes then i hear him.. his sad "mummmyyy" so i try and let the carers do their thing first- and so far nothing has worked for him until i come back and see him - then within seconds he is fine and just wants to play with me- he doesnt want to go home.. in fact when i say its time to go- he doesnt want to- he just wants me to be there with him.

So i guess i am asking for any advice or stories of ppl who have had a bit of an adjustment with starting day care.. am i doing the right thing and maybe will he be a bit different when he knows i am not there- either in a good way- or in a bad way. The care centre is only a 2 min walk from home so if he is upset i will be right there to pick him up- i am just a bit worried for him, and at the same time i am wondering if its the right thing to do to send him there or wait til he is older and can understand more- or if i should be doing it now so that he has a bit of getting used to not being with me when it comes time for preschool and kindy etc....

Also any day care workers if you could give me your perspective on it too would be good.. thanks!!! Sorry for the rambling!!

Usually it doesn't help if you are there, because he knows you are there and will eventually come, which is probably why nothing the carers do to help work, cos he knows you are there and just waiting for you.

Whereas if you aren't there - and he knows you're not there, the carers will probably have more success. Have you put him in for a half day? DD1 is starting day care on Friday, and we did orientation last week, and then she's doing a half day on Friday, then a full day next friday.

DS1 who is over 2 yrs is starting occasional care 1 day a week next week. Its for 5 hrs, and I don't know how he will cope as always been with me or DH, (apart from 2 times in last month when friend/family watched kids for us for a few hrs only).

I don't plan on staying there as if I am there he will want me, but its not far from home so I can go pick him up if upset.

Good luck

Before starting I went alon giwth DS for a while to give him a chance to get used to the place with me there. And it also gave me a good chance to see what the carers were like.
I think it helped him settle in.
He cried when I left him for the first few weeks, but was fine during the day except on the first day. Now he loves it and can't wait to get there.

I too had a big adjustment with J - he was 18 mths and was quite an independant soul but when it came to me leaving him there he wasn't so happy. As PP have mentioned though he cried while I was there, and I would leave and go to work (crying the whole way) and the girls would call me or I would call them 10 minutes later to make sure he was ok. He would stop crying basically the minute I left and I would pick them up and he would start up again and they would look at me perplexed and say "he hasn't cried all day!!". It took about a month of 2 days a week for us to settle in and now he talks about his carers all the time and days like today when I am on holidays I dropped them both off happily - both ran to the door because they missed out last week from being sick.

Babbling now but yes I think he will fine, it will be an adjustment and TBH I think the longer you wait the worse it can be. Almost like the more he knows the more he might dig in??? Iz was ok but she had days where she would say she wasn't going etc and she was closer to 3 when we started and I think with both that I should have started them a bit earlier but thats just me!

Good luck, it is hard and if they are crying it can bring up all sorts of horrible mummy guilt, but I will never forget what his carers said, that they are not there to watch a child get hysterically upset for an entire day. If he was too distressed at any point in time they would be calling me in a flash and it turns out they were right and all he needed was some toast!

Thanks girls for the reassurance! I think he will be ok, but its kinda nice to hear other peoples experiences... I had a feeling it was worse coz i was there and that maybe while i thought i was doing a good thing by going there lots before i left him there- i am probably getting him into the habit of thinking i am there somewhere so i think i will make it a quick visit next week and then the week after is the big day when he is actually enrolled and i will leave him to see how he goes..

The place doesnt do half days, in saying that i can come get him whenever- i just get charged for a full day, i dont think he will have much luck come nap time (trying to be positive, but ppffftt they arnt gonna get him to sleep) so i think he will really only do mornings for a bit anyway until he is comfortable sleeping there! So i will drop him off and if he makes it through the morning- i am pretty sure i will get a phone call come nap time!!

Thanks again everyone! :)

Oh good luck hun and you might be surprised, I didn't think either of mine would sleep very well but both do!!!

I have worked in childcare, and i now have my kids in childcare, so have both points of view.
I agree that now that he has had a look at the place, it isn't a good thing for him to know you are still there. It is best for all concerned if you let him know you will be back later to pick him up, QUICK Kiss and cuddles then go.
Increasing the amount of time you are gone gradually each time.
Yes, he will get upset, but the childcare workers are used to settling children, and like any new thing in your child's life, he will get used to it given some time. It usually takes a few weeks for them to settle fully. Some take less time. He will probably cry for a lot longer than that though when you leave... but with most kids, they seriously stop right after mum leaves, as they know it isn't worth it once she is out of earshot! (lovely cheeky little things aren't they!) I used to laugh at DS3 because he would stop the second the glass door shut as i walked out of his room, so i could still see that he had stopped!

As for sleep, I agree with pp... you may well be surprised with his sleep. At childcare they basically have a lot more understanding that it is "sleep time" as all the other kids are doing exactly the same thing at the same time (or usually are by 2 anyway). my children sleep a lot better and longer when at childcare than they do at home.

I am sure he will be fine :D And in a few weeks will be happy to be there!

My DS who is a bit younger than yours started CC one day a week just over three months ago. Like your LO he'd never really been apart from me. When we did the orientation he was fine, but when I first left him for his first half day he got terribly upset. The carers actually called me the first couple of times to come and get him early because he was getting too distressed. I think this was really good because it let me trust them and their instincts. Together with them we put together a plan to help him adjust. This involved DS and I coming into the centre everyday for a couple of weeks. I'd leave him in the room and go and sit in the staff room for half an hour or so. They recommended this because it meant that he wouldn't start associating the place with me, but also it would give him the chance to get used to it without getting too distressed and to learn quickly that I would always come back for him.

Three months on he has finally adjusted. He has a grizzle when I hand him over, but stops the minute I walk out the door. I always tell him several times in the morning that he has CC today and try and make the drop off as quick as possible. I just tell him I'm going to work, I love him and I will be back in the afternoon. Then I give him to a carer so that they can comfort him as I leave. I think this works really well, because he doesn't have a chance to get too worked up before I go.

The other thing I would recommend is trying to pick up some extra days where you can. One day a week can make it a much slower period of adjustment because the days are so far between for them. About a month ago I was able to pick up a Thursday (our normal day is a Friday) for three weeks. Going the two days in a row for a few weeks made a huge difference and he came along in leaps and bounds.

Our centre asks that you have a family photo in their bag, so that they can get it out if the child is upset. Apparently being able to hold the photo close is reassuring for them and helps them to get through the tricky times. It's also good if you can send a couple of things from home along (drink bottle, comfort item etc), as it helps them to feel safe if they have their own stuff iykwim?

HTH

:hug: You just don't know until you try.

Nate hated being left in the creche at the gym, he would spent the whole time screaming - the other two took to it no problems. Nowdays (only 1yr older) Nate doesn't have a problem with it either. Just see how it goes and give it a bit of time, I am willing to bet 'most' kids will settle in fine and I think you little man is quite independant enough to actually really enjoy it - but you just never know.

Is there any way you can try it out a feww times before signing up for a permanent spot?? probably not, but it might not hurt to ask.

:D