Anxious about breastfeeding already

Here I am at 6 months pregnant, already starting to get nervous about breastfeeding. With my first throughout the entire pregnancy I was so pro breastfeeding, and then I only managed to feed DD for about a week. It was actually a horrible experience. At the time I felt like I failed miserably.

So now here I am onto #2 and I started off with intentions of breastfeeding this one. I still want to, but in a way, I feel like I dont want to, if that makes any sense. I dont want to go through the pain and I am worried about mastitis. My SIL has just had a baby and she put her straight onto the bottle, like she did with her first. I found myself envious that she was able to make that decision with no feelings of guilt at all. And I watch her feeding her baby a bottle and find myself thinking more and more how easy it is to bottle feed and how easily I could just go down that path. Yet my guilt kicks in and says no way you have to at least try. My DH says he is fine either way, yet I know he would like me to give breastfeeding a go. I have booked in for a breastfeeding class in November, but I am even scared to go to that.

Has anyone else been in this position?

Not me, but I'm sure it's not all that uncommon :hug:
What might help is to debrief your first experience - perhaps with an LC or an ABA counsellor. Are you a member of the ABA? (is that the class you're going to?)
Regardless of which way you decide to go, talking things through might be really helpful to you in alleviating your anxiety. You may find there are all sorts of reasons that things went so badly last time - some things beyond your control and some things you could try differently next time.
All the best

Hun, I think everything about a new baby is scary when you are pg, and after a bad experience it is no wonder that you are especially scared about breastfeeding this time around. Your feelings are very normal.

Is it an ABA class that you are booked in for? They are really fantastic classes so why don't you go along and just see what they say. Many mums who have had a bad experience first time around find the classes very helpful for working out what they can try differently to reduce the risk of problems the next time. You might find this is true for you too, but if not, that's ok also. At least you will have gathered some information to help your decision. It might also be helpful for you to know that breastfeeding is a different experience with each baby. It is not a given that you will have the same issues again, especially if you have attended a class and have the ongoing support of BB.

FWIW I think that establishing breastfeeding is difficult for many mums, but once things have settled down, breastfeeding can be easier in a lot of ways. Not having to make up and wash bottles, or take things with you when you go out can save a lot of time and stress.

Whatever happens, I know you will make an informed decision and one that is right for you. That is a good result so I encourage you to trust your own decision making and feel at peace with what you have decided. I'd love to hear what you think of the class in November, and how you feel about things afterwards. All the best hun :hug:

Dear Isadora,

It's normal to feel aprehensive when you have had a previous negative experience. It sounds like you had a tough time. With breastfeeding, as with anything, knowledge is power. Once you understand how it works, you can feel more in control. So you have done the best possible thing, enrolling in that class.
Try to hang out with some mums that are breastfeeding. We learn by seeing. Talk to them, find out the issues they had and how they overcame them. ABA is a great place to help normalise breastfeeding.

Thanks ladies for your advice.

The class I am doing is run by the hospital. But I do have contact info for the ABA, I might have to look into what they offer too.

Mantaray - The establishing part is what I am worried about. I know after that it would be fine and so convenient. Maybe its just sticking it out through those first weeks knowing it can only get easier. Mind you, thats easier said than done!!

Barb - There are a few mothers in my mums group who are breastfeeding still, they have offered to help me when the time comes. So I'm glad I have them. When I am around them I feel so inspired to breastfeed because they make it look so easy. Then when I see my SIL bottle feeding the inspiration to breastfeed goes away!

isadora- have you got a copy of the book 'Breastfeeding Naturally'? i can send you my copy to read if you like?
it gives you lots of info about breastfeeding and would be a great read for you as part of your 'preparation' and sort of 'getting your head around it all' while you're pg iykwim?
don't forget, we are also all here for you to offer you support and encouragement along the way :)

Isadora - I think what you are feeling is totally natural given your experience first time around. I had a similar experience first time around and similar feelings about it all. Second time around, even though I knew more and had educated myself, I also had difficulties. I'm not saying that to put you off at all so let me explain. I think one of the most awful things when you are having difficulties is to feel like you have to make a decision there and then about whether to continue or to use a bottle. I drove myself nuts for three weeks trying to attach DD2 and feeling like we were making no progress with the only advice from my lactation consultant being to "keep trying". To me, that advice was not very helpful. If you try 8+ times per day to do something and you only have success 10 per cent of the time, it makes you feel like a failure all day. I was a mess. I wanted to BF but those feelings of failure and not making any progress were completely ruining my enjoyment of being a mum. I also felt like if I used bottles that was it, breastfeeding over, because that's what a lot of people will say. Much of the advice out there says that babies will get confused if you use a bottle and your supply will suffer so I really thought it was an either/or situation and it was totally killing me trying to work out what to do.

But, in my case, and I should emphasise that this is MY experience, it would have been wiser for me to use bottles here and there when I was getting stressed out to give me some breathing space. I didn't do that. I "gave up" (I use those words ironically because it didn't feel like "giving up" it felt like I was trying to save my sanity) at three weeks and put DD completely on to bottles for six weeks. Until I tried to attach her again just for the hell of it and lo and behold, at nine weeks old it was so much easier to attach her because her little mouth had now become so much bigger. So here we are relactating after six weeks of bottles and me not trying to express. She has not lost her BFing instinct and I am working hard (with medication and lots and lots of attaching, expressing and using a supply line) at getting my milk back.

So, I'm really trying to say a couple of things here. Obviously it is not ideal for the BFing relationship or your supply to use bottles BUT if you need some breathing space, then I think it's worth doing if it helps you live to fight another day. Secondly, it's never too late if you get off to a rough start. The simple anatomy of a bigger baby with a bigger mouth makes a lot of difference. If you can weather through those early weeks, it will get easier. I wish I had known this at the time, I would have tried attaching DD periodically during those six weeks and done some expressing to maintain my supply rather than stopping completely.

Thanks so much Fionas thats awesome advice. Well done to you for giving it a second chance, thats great that it has all worked out for you!

Ginger - I dont, is it good? I would love to read it, if you are sure you dont mind lending it to me?

of course i don't mind! PM me with your details and i'll post it over to you :)

I got so much information from the book 'Breastfeeding Naturally'. I was going to recommend it, but then Ginger already did!

If you join the ABA they send you a copy of this book.

Good luck!