20 month old is sooo hard to get to bed

DS is very, very difficult to get to bed at night unless it is 9.30pm. I am a bit confused with what to do....

Do I cut out day sleeps? Do I just go with the flow and let him go to bed late (and ignore the tut tuts from friends/family). Do I try getting him to sleep earlier by some other means (perhaps take him for a drive to try and 'reset' his body clock).

I did try cutting out his day sleep (I need to take him for a drive to get him to sleep during the day :rolleyes:) - but I think he might still need the nap - he would get to a point around 4pm when was soo tired that he just loses it...and of course a nap that late then throws everything out of whack!

At night (after a one'ish hour nap usually somewhere between 12.30 and 1.30ish) I am struggling to get him to bed before 9.30. The only way I can get him to lie down and calm down is to breastfeed him. He then comes of the boob and we lie there together for anywhere between 10 to 30 mins before he will sleep. I have to close my eyes and pretend to sleep as he is still trying to talk to me and interact...

We have a routine that involves teeth, books, feed then cuddle/sleep. If I try and do this too early (ie when I guess he musn't be tired enough), after the BF he just gets up and gets out of bed (he is in a single bed) and I can't coax him back in or keep him in it. Sometimes I think my milk is like Berocca for him! :doh:

I'm not sure what to do.

At the moment I'm just going with the flow - however, I'm filled with self doubt and often think that I'm being 'soft' and irresponsible and that he is becoming overtired. I've read so many books that harp on about early bedtimes. Sometimes I see him looking really tired at 6pm (after dinner), but he just perks up again.

I have tried to get him to bed earlier (eg when I've seen him look tired I've tried just bundling him into bed after a shortened routine), but he is just impossible and I end up getting stressed and losing 2 or more hours of my evening!

We've never let him cry at bedtime, he has always been fed or cuddled to sleep and he comes into our bed and co-sleeps when he wakes up in the night (and is BF then too) - so theoretically, I was hoping that bedtime would be a nice experience for him, not one that he is scared of? I think he just may love being with mummy and daddy and he just loves to play....

Any suggestions?

DS was like this (or, actually worse) from around 18-22 months. Then it suddenly got better.
How has he been in the past? DS always fought sleep untill roughly 22 months when all of a sudden he started to relax about going to bed. Then finally things improved - we had been spending 2+ hours getting him to sleep and his bed time was getting later and later... It's still a bit hit and miss but much better now.
We didn't actually do anything differently, he just got over it, or something.
You could try starting bedtime earlier, but it sounds like you've done that and it doesn't work. I wouldnt' worry about the books so much, you know best what does and doesn't work anyway.

Thanks Marcellus for replying - that's actually really good to hear - ie that he just improved without you really needing to do anything - hopefully DS will be the same??

Like your little boy, DS has also ALWAYS fought sleep - sleep in general has always been my main point of 'stress' - getting him to sleep and getting him to sleep for decent periods. He still wakes usually a couple of times a night and I just BF him back to sleep in bed with me, which is the quickest and easiest way (although I'm starting to feel that I need to try and make a change there...). He is the only toddler I know that doesn't 'sleep through' at his age... I try not to talk about it with anyone anymore, I can't stand the comments or silent looks! :\

Also, apologies for how long my thread was - just noticed this! :)

Fingers crossed he soon figures out that sleep is not his enemy. You're definitely not alone - lots of kids this age still do not sleep through.
You could try night weaning and see if it makes any difference. I did it at about 14mo to ttc again. DS was 18 months before he could go all night without eating, however, and up to 2 or so he still had the ocasional night where he needed food. And of course it didn't stop the night wakings. But it might be worth a try anyway :)