engagement/wedding thoughts

got engaged about 4 years ago, didnt have an engagement party or a big deal about it at the time. we knew it was something that wouldnt happen for ages. we are just thinking about doing a surprise wedding now sometime next year. i was thinking of saying its a late engagement party, but would that be too wierd as we got engaged years ago. also, do you think ppl would guess its a surprise wedding? i was thinking about doing a wishing well type thing.. but i know that 1) lots of ppl think they are rude anyways and 2) you dont usually do them at engagement parties. however, the only reason i want to do it is to help cover the costs of the reception. is that rude and selfish? trying to go cheapo as it is cause we cant really afford it still but things add up.
it would be in back yard, so would need to hire chairs and tables and a cover of some kind. wouldnt get a proper wedding dress etc but the food and drink and hire stuff adds right up.

so what are your thoughts?
how to 'cover it up' and the wishing well?

I would just fess up its a casual wedding, we did a wishing well and 95% of people told us it was great as they didn't have to think about what to buy! we used the money to pay for our honeymoon and wrote notes to people telling them what we did so they know what we spent the money on - you can do the same. telling people its a wedding will allow them to feel like they are giving you a proper gift!
Source a second hand dress - I looked but given I ran out of time bought a new one but it was not expensive and i am going to resell it as there are lots of brides looking for a second hand dress!

Just some randon thoughts.......

What about a restaurant and instead of presents they pay for their own meal, just don't tell the reataurant you are having a wedding so they don't put up the costs. You could then just cover the drinks.

A place where finger food is served, less formal, but still can be well done.

Find a school/church group that does catering. Some of these are really good food & cost wise.

I suppose it depends how formal you want your wedding but another way to go is have an afternoon tea and then go out for tea with your close friends. My neice did this and everyone paid for their own food. It was treated as just going out for tea with friends.

yeah i was thinking that i could just tell the truth. the only thing is i wanted to keep it really low key and low budget like a normal party. you know if ppl think its a wedding then they expect a bit more of the event. was just gonna do nibbly finger food and ****tails but i dont know if that would be appropriate if it is a 'wedding'. iykwim?

not even gonna get a proper wedding dress, just thinking of a nice normal dress thats a little fancy. second hand is a good idea though.

We went to the most beautiful breakfast wedding a few years ago, really casual, the bride and groom were dressed in smart cas (her dress was so beautifully simple, not a wedding dress at all, but perfect all the same) and they just had finger foods and champagne and OJ as a toast. There wasn't any further alcohol costs involved as no one was drinking at 8.30am, and the food was really simple. It was all over by 10.30am when we had a wedding cupcake and coffee offered and then they had the rest of the day to themselves. I have always said if I ever got married again (to DH of course ha ha) I would have a breakfast wedding.

As for nibbly/finger foods not being appropriate for a wedding, I've been to several with just those on offer and have never found it not suitable - we went to a picnic wedding once where they just asked groups of 6 to take a basket and blanket and dig in - was a perfect way to have guests mingle too and we all just helped ourselves. It was in a lovely public park too so they really kept their costs down.

Sorry doesn't cover the suprise part, but just a few other ideas to throw in the pot :)

a mate had an engagement/wedding - it was at a church hall I think, and there was just finger food and drinks. they nicked off for a quick costume change and then came out (just nice, simple clothes) called everyone around, and had a really simple ceremony!

re keeping it a secret, some people might guess, but I don't think most will.

re the wishing well, while it wouldn't bother me personally, I've heard several people in the past few months being quite critical of people having wishing wells at engagement parties - particularly when the couple have been living in their own place for a while, and so already have a kitted out house. people know that wedding gifts can be honeymoon related, new fridge, house deposit, etc, and so I don't think anyone (other than old fashioned types, like parents!) would criticise it if they knew it was for the wedding, though. But you could always have a wishing well there, and just not have it on the invitation (so people aren't getting narky about it beforehand - they get there, you get married, and then there's the wishing well!)

One idea would be if you had it in a function room at the pub or something, and included on the invite that drinks are at the bar, so you're then only out of pocket for nibbles and venue (which hopefully wouldn't be too much!)

Or of couse you can still have it at your place, see if some friends could loan you a couple of tressle tables, some deck chairs, etc, and just tell people it's BYO ... ?

Not sure how any of those ideas would go down with your friends.

I hope it goes super well, and you have a wonderful time!