Things I'm learning about myself

I know a great deal of you are aware of what we went through earlier this yr... So I won't rehash it.... Merely to say that due to this hardship in our lives I have come to learn more about who I am...

I have learnt that...
As a father, I will do whatever it takes and do whatever my children need me to do...


I am far more disconnected from my emotions than I thought ( just in the sense that as yet I am still to cry for more than 30 seconds about this very thing)...

I find it hard to concentrate on things for extended periods of time because (and I know it's not a reflection on myself or tenibear) I feel like I'm useless, that I can't even help my wife bring a pregnancy to fruition...

So many other things that I can't even think of now... If I work them out I'll let you know!

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I am far more disconnected from my emotions than I thought ( just in the sense that as yet I am still to cry for more than 30 seconds about this very thing)...

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i don't think you're right in saying you're disconnected from your emotions. being able to cry isn't a reflection of how connected you are. being able to cry is merely an outward release. you could have the most intense emotions and not be able to express them - doesn't mean you're not connected - just that you may have issues expressing them to others. you're doing what most people would do in your circumstances, you're putting Teni first and trying to be the emotional support she needs, and if that means swallowing the emotions a little to be able to support her, then that's what you do. is the "protector" in you - as you said in your first point, you'll do anything - and i'm sure that applies to supporting Teni as well.

the concentration thing, IMO, shows that you ARE in connection with your emotions. if it's constantly there on your mind and impacting you in your day to day life. it's makes sense (looking from the outside) that you're stressed at the moment as you focus on the endgame of Teni's current pregnancy, while trying to cope with the "what if's" and the emotion of losing Ianto all at the same time

don't be too hard on yourself Scott. you're going through some major stuff emotionally at the moment and you need to/deserve to cut yourself some breaks

From what I've seen Scotty you are a pretty awesome hubby and you're going to make an amazing dad :hug: