What would you do?

Hi all;

DH started a new job about 3months ago as a sous chef at a resort here. During this time the exec chef transferred to a new position and that has meant that until they find a replacement for him, DH is in charge.
So in the last few weeks whilst DH has been in charge he decided to put on two apprentices. In a single week, we met one mum whose son was looking for an apprenticeship but has been turned down by a variety of places in the area. The mum took DH's number and the kid rang DH that afternoon. Almost two weeks in, the kid is great, no regrets.
I wish it were the same with the 2nd apprentice. I suggested that DH put him on. I know his partner (we are in the same mothers group). Admittedly, I dont know either of them well. They have 18month old twins, and another due in dec. He was working in a kitchen as a casual, on week working 2 days, the next 7 days.
Anyhow the first time I meet him is when we go for coffee for the boys to meet. He seemed nice, DH thought the same.
Eventually DH puts him on, even though he did hae reservations about it, I talked him round to doing it. (How I regret that now)
Almost two weeks in, the guy has no respect for DH as his boss, he's mucks up through out the shift. According to DH almost everything out of his mouth is sexually orientated, and he's even making sexual remarks to females who work there. And no matter how much DH trys to pull into line, he just doesnt listen.
Last week DH had a day off, the first since the exec chef left. He goes back to work and the GM mentions to DH how he stopped in the kitchen on DH's day off. This guy was mucking around, wasting time and all. The GM even said look I think you are going to have to do something there.
I have told DH that if he is required to fire this guy, then thats fine, friendships will work out (even though I dont think so IRL). There are so many idicators that this guy is just not right for the resort, The sexual remarks could get them in big trouble alone, let alone anything else this guys is up to.

I feel so bad for DH. I have put him in a really bad situation. I shouldn't have said anything to him about this guy. I thought that I was helping out this lady and my DH, she got he partner a steady job, DH got another body in the kitchen which meant he could have days off and spend time with his girls. But no, it hasnt gone that way I feel like crap about it.

I want to mention something to his partner about him, warn her that he's not playing by the rules, ask her to ask him to pull his head in. DH wants pull into line, but he's worried it will come back on me.

What would you do?

:hug: it's not your fault hun, there is no way you were to know he was going to be immature and irresponsible in his place of work! I don't know if I would mention anything to his partner about it though..it might be crossing the lines of workplace/staff confidentiality.. I think it's up to the worker to do something about his attitude if he's been given warnings, and if he doesn't and your DH has to fire him then he has to deal with the consequences. It's not yours or your DH's fault he's a crap worker!

Oh hun that's a tricky one! Easy for me to say coz I'm not in the situation, but I would leave it, accept that your DH is probably doing to have to fire this guy and that you will probably lose the friendship. Leave work at work. If you start trying to get involved, I can only see it getting messier. But that's just my opinion, FWIW!

Good luck!

thank you!

It just sucks that this guy has no clue about work etiquette. I know that by mentioning something to his partner I am risking a friendship, realistically I dont want to say anything.

That is not on and yes things could really bad if he is reported. Sexual harassment is something your DH will want to have to deal with nor will the resort want it.
No matter how good someone sounds it's not until they are employed do you reall know what they are like, unless you know them before hand

I would get your DH to give him a warning, in writing, sending a copy to the GM also and then get rid of him if he doesn't improve his behaviour.

Do you really want him as a friend if he is like this. You can still be friends with his patrner and children.

Thanks Rivlas,

I know its bad. I reminded DH of the recent DJ scandal and how that turned out.

I don't personally want a friendship with this guy, and DH certainly doesn't want a friendship out of the work environment. (this guy calls DH sweetheart, and makes DH feel uncomfortable already). I'm actually more worried that we will lose the other friends we have made through this mums group. (even though I know this is out of my control)

I have a feeling that a letter isn't too far off, whether DH is the one who gives it to him, or if it comes from someone else!

How are things for your DH going??

Sorry, I didn't see this earlier. From a personal perspective, anything your DH says to you is confidential, and I wouldn't be mentioning anything to his partner.

From a professional perspective for your DH, I would be looking at the induction / code of conduct from the company / resort, and very clearly going through each of the items and getting the apprentice to sign off on them. I hope it all works out for you :hug:

Thanks Kazbah; I might mention that to him tomorrow!

Rivlas, Its going ok, the guy just doesnt seem to get the point to everything. I know that DH has laid everything on the line for him, set out the expectations of the company, his own expectations of staff and what not. But still there doesnt seem to be much improvement. Thankfully another person has taken on the exec chef job as of next month, so this problem wont be Dh's alone.
The guy's partner asked me yesterday how it was all going, and I told a white lie, that I hadnt heard anything. Apparently though this guy is loving te job and is forever thankful, I just wish he knew how to show it!
One thing is though, they both need to realise that being friends with me on fb means that Dh has access to their pages and what they put on there! Silly people!


But thank you for checking in :D

just an update.

So DH's work gave us a holiday that we are meant to take in a weeks time, but with things the way they are his work may postpone this till after christmas :(

DH still hasnt had a full day off in ages now. He has officially passed his probationary period! :) He had tues off for his family's christmas party. During the day the average apprentice, kept ringing DH about the most stupist of things. "Someones used all the made up salads, what should I do?" etc... There was someone there who he should have been asking instead of constantly ringing DH. the text messages kept coming during the night too.
On wednesday DH turns up for work to find none of the work done, and a note from this guy instead asking the most unimportant stuff. DH then gets called into the GM's office where they give him the news about our holiday, the sacking of this guy is discussed. If he is sacked then we definately cannot go away. If he stays then he needs to improve massively.
Also at least one complaint has been made about him as well. He turned up to a mums meet the other day where he was boasting about the stuff he was doing at work, I couldnt help myself, I just commented on it to him by saying, " you know that behaviour isnt acceptable in these sorts of places, they have high standards and if you dont meet them then you will get a warning at least". DH actually thanked me for saying that when I told him. I couldnt help myself, but I did want to say some pretty horrible stuff to him.
Since then DH has "put the fear of god", as he likes to call it, into the whole kitchen, this guy in particulas though.
Now Im just really hoping this guy gets his act together, or he just leaves. Its hurting my head :(

oh beans, I'm sorry that your holiday may be postponed :(

I hope things sort themselves out quickly so you can go on holiday. When you do get an extra phone and leave your DH's home or off and give his boss the number but not to be given out to anyone. :)

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When you do get an extra phone and leave your DH's home or off and give his boss the number but not to be given out to anyone. :)

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Oh I like your thinking! :D

We should be on holidays this time next week. Im taking eachday as it comes, and not getting too excited about the holiday anymore, just in case!