Toddler aggression towards newborn, how did you deal with it?

DS1 is showing alot of aggression towards DS2 and im at a loss as to how to deal with it. He is usually a fairly easygoing kid and since DS2 came along he has become really aggressive and alot of the aggression is aimed towards DS2 and myself. I know why its happening, i have very little time for him as DS2 is very demanding and i spend alot of time trying to settle him which leaves very little time for DS1 and myself. The last couple of mornings DS2 has slept a bit longer than DS1 so we have had one on one time and he has been the same sweet boy he has always been till DS2 woke up and it starts again. I feel like i have failed him by bringing another baby into the family. :crying:

I cant find the best way to deal with it. If i tell him off for hitting or hurting his brother he gets worse, if i try and remain calm he just continues. Sometimes distraction works but even that seems to have lost its effectiveness. Any other ideas? Please tell me this passes.

I was lucky DD1 seemed ok with DD2 but we have had times where she gets quite jealous, some things i would maybe try:

1. When feeding or settling get DS1 his own 'special' meal or book etc that he can have at those times ONLY.. it will make him think he has something special.. ask him to read to you and DS2 while you feed.

2. Can you buy him a 'baby' of his own, ask him to 'feed' his baby while you feed, show him how to 'settle' his baby.. i have found DD1 really likes walking her baby and patting it and saying shhh baby it's ok.... she also likes to 'pat' DD2 to sleep.

3. When DS2 is asleep just relax with DS1 but talk about DS2 while you play, mention how DS2 will like to play cars one day, can you show him how to play cars etc etc.

4. I try and involve DD2 in things i like doing with DD1 so if we read a book DD1 picks it and we sit DD2 on my knee, if we play cars DD2 gets a car and the same with dolls or drawing etc... DD2 gets to hold a pencil while DD1 shows her.

It's frustrating when your trying to deal with a clingy or hungry baby and you feel your not giving enough attention to the other child, chances are your giving them PLENTY of time you just don't notice.

Hope someone else has some useful tips for you.

Aw, mate. It is soooooo tough.
It is a period of adjustment, as I know you already know, and it will pass. There are odd occasions when N is still aggressive toward P. And it has been 17 months since she came into our lives. I have really struggled to show N positive attention over that time and TBH a lot of the time it has to be a conscious decision to love her.
Gosh, that sounds horrible! Sorry.
However, I look at the bond they share and the way N has taken P under her wing, is teaching her things and shows pride in her, and I have to say it is all worth it. Jealousy is a part of sibling relationships IMO, and I reckon it's an unusual blessing to not have to deal with it in a family context.
Things are going to get better soon. DS2 will settle down and you will have more time to spend with DS1. DS1 will adjust, and while I am sure there will still be unavoidable jealous moments there will also be lovely moments. You just watch, I'll bet your DS1 gets the BEST and MOST ENTHUSIASTIC laughs from DS2 than anyone else! Once DS2 is more interactive DS1 will be more aware of him as a person rather than a noisy thing that is taking mummy's attention away at the present time.
Do you have anyone around who can help when DS2 is unsettled, to maybe take him for a walk or wear him in a sling so you can spend a bit more 1 on 1 time with DS1? That might help too.
All the best - things will brighten up :hug:

When DD2 was newborn she copped a few whacks from DD1 :( the only thing I could do was distraction...nothing else worked. It did pass and now DD1 is nice and loving to DD2 but we still have the occasional issue.
DH also make the effort now with DD2 so I can have some one on one time with DD1 which helps her behavour heaps.
Dont ever feel you have failed him :hug: you gave him a little brother and one day im sure they will be the best of friends :hug:

:hug: Its hard isn't it, I had the same feelings about failing DD when DS was born - I know I've mentioned before how aggresive DD has been in the past (and it still rears its head on occasion - i've a funny story about the wiggles and biting I'll tell you next time I see you).
I found that if DD hit DS, then I would ignore what she just did and pick DS up to comfort him. I'd then distract DD by getting a book and saying lets read this or something to play with. She used to lie down on the couch whilst I was feeding and kick both DS and me, so I would just move to another chair.
When DS was unsettled, I'd walk up and down the hallway holding DS, or outside, and we'd do 'little steps, big steps, running steps' and all sorts of other stuff - this would keep DD amused for ages and because I was moving and jiggling DS, he'd be happy too. At other times, DS would sit on my lap whilst I played with DD on the floor or did colouring. WIggles and ABC2 got a workout at feed times too.
I do agree with Snacks though, DD can get the best laughs from DS and he constantly follows her with his eyes to see what she is doing. He also cracks up laughing when she's having a tantrum!
It does get better, I promise!