Their eating habbits are making me nutso!! Could be long! [VENT/ADVICE]

Ok so I knwo there are a thousand threads around about kids who won't eat...but this is doing my head in!
DS just won't eat food that is very healthy for him. The only healthy foods he really eats is fruit. He will eat things like bread, pasta...but come to things like meat, veggies, actual meals (particularly dinner!) he just will not eat it. He refuses point blank to even put it in his mouth.
Now I have given the advice of not worrying, not letting it get stressful, being patient and just continue offering them the same foods everyone eats , modelling good eating....blah blah! But the last two nights, he has gone to bed having eaten nothing at all.
I stop feeding them snacky things by about 3.30pm, so that they are hungry for dinner. Dinner is at 5.30/6ish. We all sit at the table together. I put a little of all of the food that is on offer on his plate whether I think he will eat it or not. It's not extravagant(sp?) food. Last night I made homemade nuggets, homemade baked chips and raw carrot sticks (only veggie he eats besides fresh corn on the cob). That was it. All he ate was the tomato sauce.
I put alot of effort into trying to feed my kids healthy foods. And I don't know why I even bother anymore. DS just refuses to eat it. He would have been famished yesterday too, having been at childcare for the day. He usually comes home starving! DD ate her whole meal. Something she hasn't done in AGES! The night before I made homemade mac n cheese with a garden salad. I make the kids 'salad' so it's just battons of raw veggies. So, some carrot sticks, cucumber, capsicum and a little chopped lettuce. DS will not even put the food to his lips.
We have tried ignoring the fact he won't eat. We have tried encouragment, modelling...'Look, mmm, mummy loves chicken nuggets, oohh, YUM!!', we have tried bribery 'If you eat two nuggets you can have some yogurt!'. Or making him aware of DD eating, make it fun, like a race or something like that 'Look, Lily is eating some chippies, uh oh, she's going to beat you!!'. But he just flatly refuses to eat it. Even if he used to eat it. Like the nuggets. He used to love them. But now he won't eat any meat other than sausages. I don't like to feed him sausages too often. At most it's once a week. I'm not a fan of sausages, and they're just not very healthy!
I want him to have good habbits. I don't know why he's so fussy. He's just getting worse and worse. I try to put at least one food he will eat on the plate. Corn ont he cob, carrot sticks, chips....so that I can at least say 'Well done you ate your...whatever'. But lately he just won't eat all or much of anything at all.
I had been giving them both something afterwards if they didn't eat, usually fruit, so not anything big, but DD was starting to say 'I don't like this, I want an apple.' When I know she would eat it if there was nothing else on offer. I don't force them to eat anything ever. I express disappointment if they don't eat 'Mummy put alot of effort into making your dinner, I'm sad that you didn't try it'. I don't even mind if they try it and don't like it. I don't like some foods. So I know they won't like everything either. But I am so at a loss as to what to do. I hate sending DS to bed with absolutely no food in his tummy. If he doesn't eat dinner then it means he hasn't eaten since 3.30 in the afternoon. He will drink alot after dinner, probably cause he's hungry.
I'm worrying I'm making them have bad eating habbits. I already thing DD eats from stress. When she gets into trouble and is crying for being naughty and yelled at, she will say 'I'm hungry!' t change the subject. She also says 'I will eat all my dinner to get a treat'. I have also stopped doing that- if they ate all/most of their dinner they got custard or jelly or yogurt, occaisionally ice cream. But no more.
I just don't know what to do. I'm trying to be non reactive to their eating and trying to teach about healthy food and eating habbits, but it seems to be falling on deaf ears! Last night was DH's birthday and I made a cake for him. DH went on and on about if DS didn't eat dinner he wouldn't get any cake. By the end of it DS was sobbing his heart out and I had to leave the table because I was almost begging DS to eat to stop DH yelling and ranting at him. He's only 2 1/4yrs and I'm not sure if he gets the consequences of if you don't eat, no treats (especially when it's birthday cake!). I ended up sobbing hysterically because DH sent DS to his room for crying...it was horrible. Then DH put it into DD's hands (she's 3 1/2yrs) to decide if DS 'deserved' cake. DD said yes because he was sad about it and cake is yummy. Of course she just wanted DS to stop crying.
I just have no idea where to go with this! Do we continue with the no food after dinner rule. Even if it means they go to bed with totally empty tummies? Will they eventually sort it out? I want them to eat propper meals. I'm worried about DS's intake of things like iron and certain vitamins ect from veggies. I had been giving him a vitamin, but stopped when we ran out, maybe I should start again, just for peace of mind...

ARRRGGHH!!!! This is making me crazy. Most of the time I don't know why I bother!

Sorry, I replied to the other one :)

LOL, that's ok hun, I got your reply. Thankyou.
Having dinner earlier is an option, we used to eat at 5ish when the kids went to bed earlier, but since DLS satrted, they're not going to bed til 7.30/8ish due to it being so light still. So we just sort of naturally started eating later....instead of 5.30/6 I will aim for 5/5.30 for dinner. He eat fairly well during the day. This morning for example, we were up at 5.45am (yawn!) and he's had a bowl of cornflakes, a banana and is now eating an apple. They both eat alot in the day. Usually cerial or 2 slices of toast, 2 whole peices of fruit, a muesli bar or similar through the morning, a sandwich/soup with bread/baked beans/mixed plate (piece of bread or crackers, some carrot sticks, ham, DD will eat an egg/cheese ect) for lunch, crackers/yogurt/more fruit/veggie sticks (though DS will only eat carrots), sometimes a treat like bickies/some chocolate/chips/iceblock, a large serving of milk (about 200mls). So all up they eat well over the day, but it's just dinner meals they have issues with DS moreso than DD. It's not really the amount of food I worry about it's the nutrients DS misses out on. Particularly iron. He was BF until about 4mths ago so I wasn't worried then, but now he gets nothing cause he won't eat meat! I have tried giving him a meal like spaghetti or caserole and rice for lunch, but he just won't eat it.
I don't necessarily thing it's a texture thing. He has eaten meat, like a lamb chop, homemade chicken nuggets, homemade fish fingers, sausages, bolegnaise sauce. He eats raw carrot, apples, yogurt, bread, pasta....so lots of different textural things. I just don't know why he won't eat meat now. The past months or two he just refuses except for sausages.
I just don't get it....I'm worried I'll stuff their thinking up when it comes to eating. I think I have a bit with DD's. I have a terrible relationship with food and my body and I so don't wnat that for them.

:hug: We have moments from hell here too where they will eat a whole bowl of something one week and both turn their dainty particular noses up a week later. SO frustrating.
One thing I read on another thread recently was making the lunch meal a big substantial one rather than dinner. Then dinner could be whatever you know they will eat - even a sandwich or something? I do that on some days and if I know they have had a great lunch and pick at dinner they ust have fruit and yoghurt and we leave it at that. Both of mine are string beans but eat relatively well over the day aw well.... James will spit out meat if it's too tough as well (and sometimes not even when it's tough, like he cbf chewing :o) Have you kept a food diary hun just to reassure yourself that they probably are getting all they need and it you mix things up a bit it will be fine. As they get older I bet it will get easier. Iz was a shocker too and is VERY slowly getting better but J at 2 can border on the ridiculous. xoxox

I agree with Tan, doing a bigger meal for lunch and not worrying so much about dinner. My DS (who is two) does exactly what your son does and it makes me want to pull out my hair! I especially hate throwing plates of food away! Grrr! So I try and give him more at lunch including vegies etc and it works some days and others it doesn't, but I think it is an improvement. HTH toddlers can be so frustrating!

My 17 month old is a fussy eater too. She used to eat anything, then at around 15 months got very selective. Now she has a limited range that she will eat which covers most of the food groups (luckily), but like your little one, will only eat one kind of meat - in spaghetti bolognese sauce. She is even fussy about the shapes of pasta she will eat and won't put anything new in her mouth at all. I am adamant like you that she is only going to eat healthy food and never ever offer her something sweet as a replacement because I know that she will want that and nothing else. I think if you get into that trap you will have a loosing battle on your hands, I've heard other mothers say "he/she will only drink cordial" and I think, why did you offer that in the first place? My 5 year old didn't even know what a lolly was until he was 3. Sounds mean but it worked for him, he is really a healthy eater. But I know how hard it is. I guess on the bad days you could give him some little bits of something (cheese, crackers?) and a glass of milk before bed so you know he won't starve and keep offering foods that you want him to eat every day (apparently you have to offer things up to twenty times before a toddler will accept it!) and soldier on. Sorry, not great advice but I just wanted to sympathise as I know how frustrating it is! Hope it works out for you.:)

I was talking to my aunt about this yesterday and she suggested to try giving them one thing at a time. She said sometimes giving them so much choice at once makes it a bit too overwhelming for them so they don't know where to start and will pick at things rather than eating it all. I had been giving her for lunch the same thing as me (eg salad sandwich with some ham) but because she didn't like anything on her bread i was putting it all next to the bread on her plate to eat. So she would have a couple of quarters of bread, 2 slices of ham, some cheese, a few cherry tomatoes, some cucumber sticks, some grated carrot and some avocado. It would take her half an hour to get through it all and she would be up and down like a yo-yo with a million excuses not to sit at the table. My aunt suggested leaving it all prepared on the chopping board and giving her a small bowl with one item in it and getting her another once she has eaten it all, i am going to give this a go on Saturday and see if it helps, but like you i am tearing my hair out!

Thanks ladies, no time for a big reply, but just a quick q...DS won't eat meat. Fair enough. But he doesn't eat veggies or legumes either. So what kind of protene foods can I give him?? He will only eat sausages, bacon and baked beans. I don't like to give him the sausages or bacon often besides the fact they wouldn't have much iron in them, they're so salty, unhealthy and processed. Occaisionally he eats mince in the form of bolegnaise or (even more occaisionally) rissoles. What else can I give him for proteine and especially iron??

Does he eat eggs? One of my standbys used to be an omelette with lots of veg in it (grated zuchinni, carrot, mushrooms, cheese, whatever). It hides a multitude of things (but now she won't eat it, I think I overdid it!). Eggs are good for protein. I had a friend whose son used to only eat baked beans, her doctor said it was fine, as baked beans had all the nutrients he needed! Not sure if that's true... Also maybe take a weekly approach to it and look at the food he eats in a week rather than in a day. Try to get some meat into him every couple of days and alternately the baked beans or eggs if he will eat them. If you are worried you could ask your health nurse or gp for some advice on diet. From the sounds of it you are doing well. I think most fussy eating toddlers go on to try things later (that's what I'm hoping anyway...):lol:

Nope, no eggs. I just made some french toast for them for lunch though and he like that, so he will eat eggs in things, but not like omlettes or scrambled. He won't eat cheese either. He eats yogurt, so I try to give him that 2-3 times a week for the protien. I give him baked beans what feels like a million times a week!! He eats it for lunch alot of days because otherwise it would be vegemite or peanut butter sandwiches every day! That's another thing he will eat readily, nuts! And soy nuts, he has soy milk because cows milk upsets his tum. So there's protien in that too...I guess the protien isn't such a big deal, it's the iron. There's not much iron in sausages!!
DD isn't such an issue. She has always been a fairly adventurous eater and will try most things. DS just won't even put things to his lips if he thinks there's something 'wrong' with it!! There's absolutely no convincing him!

It sounds like they eat well during the day, so like a couple of other pp's have said, maybe offer them a bigger meal at lunch and just something small at dinner. Also, just a thought, maybe they just don't need to eat so much at dinner - they might not be hungry.
If you're really concerned, maybe having an appointment with a dietitian who's a children's specialist may help. They might tell you that everything is fine, or they might give you some ideas. Dietitians look at the course of a week when deciding if the child is getting enough of the nutrients/food groups etc and not just one day or one meal time.

Good luck :hug:

If you find an answer let me know. DD1 is a great eater, DD2, terrible, only has set things she will eat, we do all the things you do too, she will not eat any vegies or fruit, I get fruit in my getting pureed stuff and mixing it with yoghurt and cereal. She'll eat breads, chicken, yoghurt, I make spag bol she'll pick out the spaghetti. I make fried rice she'll pick out only the bits rice. I tried to make muffins with vegies grated she wouldn't even try them!

My DS is like that too. Some days all he's eaten has come out of a packet :hide:

All we can think to do is make the stuff he does eat the best choice we can make. We don't have any bad foods (crisps, high sugar foods, etc) and the tomato sauce is the lowest in sugar and salt and has all natural ingredients (Beerenberg) and he has the Wiggles Rice chips things (with Dorothy on the packet), he'll eat cheese, ham, cruskits with peanut butter or vegemite or occasionally honey, yoghurt, pasta, rice, bread, weetbix, corn flakes, biscuits and crackers. He also loves the Rafferty's Garden apple bars - will eat 3 in a sitting :o When we get take-away, the things he eats most of is chips (what kid doesn't??), pizza or rice meals (like noodle box, fried rice, etc).

He does not eat ANY fruit (he will occasionally ask me to bit into an apple and then he'll lick it) unless it's in a jar (like processed pears or apple) and no raw veggies at all and he will only eat the veggies hidden in curries (his favourite!) or pasta sauces.

He often refuses to eat something he couldn't get enough of the day before - so we find it super frustrating too. My DH (who is a SAHD) doesn't eat anything raw either (fruit or veggies) so the 'modelling' behaviour is a problem... I try to show him, but it doesn't have much effect :(

We've decided not to get too worked up about all this as we reckon he'll come around in his own time (hopefully!). He's got some basics right, so I'm sure we'll get there! :) Chin up people - we were probably all like this for our parents too - and they didn't have BellyBelly! :)

Well, tonight DH and I came to an agreement not to worry about DS's eating...well, not out loud in front of him, lol. I can't help but worry. Today he's eaten even less, about 1/2 slice of peanut butter on toast, about 100ml of milo with soy milk, 1/2 a green apple, 2-3 small plain crackers, a strawberry flavoured freddo, about 1/2 a sausage and a fairly large banana. That's it all day. He's drinking normally though which is the most important thing I guess!
I don't think he's unwell, he doesn't seem to be. He has all his teeth so not teething, poos and wees seem to be ok. He does seem sookier than usual, and is having tanties galore, though that could just be that he's almost 2 1/2y.o!! Nothing has changed recently at home, the same routines every week. It has been really hot here the past week though, so maybe that's it...I don't know. I'm going to start giving him vitamins again just for peace of mind. He had started to eat fairly well and was trying alot of foods on his plate, but has just stopped int he last month or two. But DH and I have decided not to stress at meal times, just offer it, then after 30-45mins or so, take it away. Try to feed him and encourage him a few times, but that's it. If he doesn't eat dinner (same for DD too) then they can have fruit or a carrot or something like that. But nothing that takes too much effort, like watermelon...you have to peel it and chop it and stuff...just simple things like apples or bananas. No more treats after dinner like icecream or yogurt. If they have that it can be a daytime thing.
Thanks everyone for your suggestions and ideas I appreciate it. I do know it's normal for kids to go through such stages. It's just hard not to worry!!