OK, OK, I admit it! I was spineless!

OK, so I FINALLY admit it... I felt ripped off & as though I ripped off my DD by having a CS because she was frank breach (bum 1st then head & feet out last together) and I still feel this way.
At my 1st ob appointment, he sugested a VBAC & said there was no reason for another CS & wouldn't give me one unless absolutely necessary. This scared the absolute bjeevias out of me & I stewed on it for the next month until I saw my ob again & demanded another CS. He agreed cause I obviously had somewhat of a fear of all the extra risks?? but still said I can change my mind at any time and try a vbac.... I said "ok, at this stage I want a cs but will keep an open mind towards a vbac".

At 1st all the fear & worry left me... but thoughts of DD's birth & DS's birth have been coming back to haunt me. I remember how proud I felt after DS' birth that I did it on my own even though all the other mothers on the ward kept telling me to not be a hero & take all the drugs, drip induction over 2 days after my waters broke & the fact the ob I got stuck with was a saddist! & then theres how I felt after DD's birth & how it was such a peaceful, quick experience & I enjoyed every minute of it... everything went perfectly, couldn't have asked for a better experience.... but then when I saw how little she was, I thought to my self, oh no, what have I done? I could have pushed that out, frank breach & all!
I admit I have been battling PND & masking it as being stressed (about DH having to close our business down & not having an income for over a year now & how on earth am I going to get even the few things I need for this new bub) & tired from being both pregn & having a bub that rarely sleeps through a night. but yes, ok I admit it, I was depressed, and struggling to cope.

So the 1st step of admitting it is over & now I'm trying to empower myself to turn things around! I want to give a VBAC a go even if I don't succeed, atleast I've tried and I didn't just give up without even trying in the 1st place ykwim?
So, DS was induced after waters breaking over 2 days before at 42 weeks (he just didn't want to come out!) so I'm worried about not going into labour naturally, they can't induce me cause of DD's previous CS, so I've got to do LOTS of reasearch on natural remedies ect... but I'm also worried about this bub ending up breach also. Does anyone know how to get bub in the right position for birth? There has to be something I can start doing now before she gets too big & stuck like DD did.

I've had to argue with the women in the family because they all say if you have 1 cs, all the other births have to be CS also... (yeah well I know differently!) So I have NO support IRL (except DH & ob) so BB is my best friend lately to gain encouragement from others who have been through a VBAC, and I thank you all!

Sorry for the long dragged out days of my life drama but needed to explain & get it out too I suppose. I'd really love & appreciate all the advice I can get, specifically on how to get bub head down. I won't dragg out all the info on natural induction, theres already lots of info in other topics about that!

Thanks for taking your time reading my saga, I know there are much more interesting topics in here ;)

hun i have no advice ive never had a cs before but good on u for standing ur ground when it comes to ur choice in birthing ur baby..
i hope u get some answers n feel better soon.. dont let anyone scare u into anything as u will know through ur own body what u can n cant do no one else can tell u...
GL i hope u get ur VBac

Good on you for considering a VBAC! I myself have no experience with CS or VBAC but wanted to wish you luck.

As for getting bub in the right position, I was told spend as much time as you can on all fours, and try to keep your feet below your hips. So limit sitting down with your feet up!

Check out the Spinning Babies website, heaps of info on getting bubs in the right position. Good on you for giving it a go. All the best.

What a big turnaround for you :hug:
Well it's great your OB is on board. That's one battle you don't need.
I think your first step is working through all your fears, regrets, disappointment or whatever else you may feel about your previous births and this one - get it all out. It can only help you, regardless of what birth you end up having.
And I don't think you were spineless, btw. You were afraid. Your OB offered you a solution and you went with it. I don't know that women are very well served by this sort of advice, to be honest, it doesn't address the underlying problem of fear at all, only validates it. But I guess that's another matter entirely.
Good luck to you!

I was going to suggest the Spinning Babies website too. But there is plenty of time for bubs to turn. And unless DD being breech had something to do with your anatomy, which I doubt since DS managed to find his way down head first, it doesn't make it any more likely that this one will be breech.

I read your post twice because I can't figure out in what way you were spineless. Do you mean because your first reaction was to choose CS? You were afraid. And from the way you described your previous birth experiences, a CS sounds great. At least you have an OB who is supportive of YOUR choice. You're making your choice and arming yourself with knowledge to better your chance of success. To me, that's the very opposite of spineless.

Have you spoken to anyone (a counsellor) about your depression and previous experiences? There's seems to be a lot going on in your head so having an objective person to use as a sounding board might help too.

Good luck hun.

Thanks for all your replies & lovly words. I had a look at the Spinning babies website briefly, as soon as it opened I remembered it from when I was trying to get DD out of her breach position. I'm finding it a bit confusing so I plan on spending more time reading it tonight when DD is in bed and it's not so hot so I can concentrate a bit better.
Hannah, I'm not too keen on going for counceling cause I had to go a few years ago after I was viciously assulted. I was forced to talk about very painful things and would get all worked up only for her to turn around and say "well our time together is up, I'll see you again next week" It would take me all week to get over my counceling session then for the same thing to happen again & again week after week. So yeah, not keen on going there sorry. But I do know what I need to do to turn my self around which is why I'm taking these steps to not rob DD2 out of the birth she deserves.

I feel spineless cause I didn't even give it a go to birth DD vaginally. I just looked at all the things that could go wrong and my heart condition, and just took the safe route.

All the women I told about my hope for a VBAC said "oh no, you CAN'T do that!". I decided that in fact I COULD and never looked back. My OB was totally supportive and besides if everyone said I couldn't then the challenge had been thrown. I'm a bit stubborn!

YOU CAN DO IT. IT DOES HAPPEN. THEY ARE WRONG!!!!

But, if it doesn't happen for you then don't feel bad. A healthy baby and Mummy are THE most important things to keep at the front of your mind.

Wishing you strength, resiliance and my very best cyber support. I will cheer you on!! You go girl!! xxx

loads of:comfort::comfort:.

Darling, we make the choices we do with the information we have at the time. The most important thing is that both you and bub are fine, mentally as well as physically. Please don't beat yourself up about not having a breech birth. Not many OBs will do them and there's a lot of scary information out there about them. Yes, they are possible if you have the support, but you have to feel confident you can do it. If you're not, then it's probably safer to have a c/s as fear increases adrenalin which can increase possible problems.

Please don't feel like you needed to be superwoman or anything. If you and bub DD were fine physically, are you able to work on embracing those parts of her birth that were good? Personally, I find counselling great for depression. If you're having difficulty processing the session afterwards, bring that up with your counsellor so together you can derive a way for you to deal with it. It may include journalling, painting or something.

I found the Spinning Babies site to be pretty difficult to follow tbh. Hypnobabies have a "Turn your baby" self hypnosis script you can download from their website and listen to on your ipod. I may be the wrong person to offer advice on this because I didn't know bub was breech, so didn't have the opportunity for him to turn. It's the only kind of birth I know.

There are some people like Rhea Dempsey who offer birth debriefing sessions. I don't know if she offers them over the phone or if there is someone in Brisbane who can do them. Some hospitals offer the service as well. You may find this useful to prepare yourself for the next birth.

Please don't beat yourself up or think you're spineless. Part of parenting is making the decision about what is safest for all involved. You're doing what you need to do now to be informed and empower yourself for the next birth.