getting respect from your kids...HOW!!!!

i need advice on how to get my 5 year old and 3 year old to show respect and follow instructions!
ive had enough of them doing as they please when they please. it is driving me nuts, and im starting to think why the hell are we having another.. not cool!
the problems start with them not doing a thing they are asked, ds2 even resorts to balling his eyes out if he is told he cant do or have something. they help themselves to EVERYTHING! we have bought kiddie locks for the fridge and cupboards, they figured them all out withing half a day at the most every time, we put everything up in the high cuboards, they climb up the benches and do prety much everything the can to get into them, we cant keep a thing out of there reach.
they dont seem to care if we take toys, cartoons or anything off them, this last week i have been doing nothing but washing there clothes, they strip off every 10 minutes and if they dont stripp off they get into the sink and end up saturated, and needing to be changed.
they wont leave there sister alone, constantly pestering her, if shes asleep they feel they can decide when shes had enough sleep.
if i want them to go to bed early, i have to start at 5 and with luck they will be asleep by 9, its a miricle if there out by 8.

basicaly, how can i get them to respect us and follow direction???!!!!
and if you got threw all of this, good on you!

Subscribing!!!

Hope someone comes on who can give you some good advice.

Oh gosh Sarah. Just subscribling. Hahaha! Please know that you are not alone :hug:
Very frustrating, especially the stripping down nudie bob, OR even worse, changing dresses/skirts 5 times a day, because they look so beautiful - I just need to wear them all! :rolleyes:

subscribing aswell...

THis might seem a bit left of field, but what are their sleeping & eating habits like?
The behaviour you describe sounds very much like my DS when he hasn't had enough sleep or he's reacted to somethign he's eaten (i haven't narrowed it down, but I suspect certain food colourings/additives do it). Normally, he's quite reasonable and will listen to me, but when he's like this he just can't control himselfe. Everything is either incredibly hilarious or the absolute end of the world. It's awful - can't imagine having two going on like that.
And he'll change his clothes all the time too - what is with that?
Anyway, just a thought. Hopefully you'll get some better ideas here too - I have no idea what to do with DS when he's like this. Nothing gets through to him.

A few things work for us here. I believe respect and co-operation are earned and learned. I speak like I expect to be spoken to, because that is what I expect from her.

We have a set of rules on the fridge and every person in the house, be it daddy, mummy, Nate or Darcy are required to follow them. We chose them together and in agreeance so they aren't absurd or too difficult.

She always gets an option. Either you do this or this but there is no other option. Still gives her control. There are consequences and they usually involve time out where i can see her, but where nothing else is, like the corner in front of the laundry.

We have used a star chart with good effect. The end result is a lovely experience like a milkshake out with mummy on her own or a trip to the park/pool.

Routines are big here too. They know what comes next within reason. They also know what is expected and where the boundaries are.

Totally agree with Marcellus on the eating thing too. We really noticed a difference when we cut back on colours and preservatives. It's really not that hard to do for such a big result.

Don't get me wrong, we still have major paddys her and I, but they aren't really common any more.

123 Magic might be something that works well for your family. I have a 2 yr old and don't need to use it but i have done the course as i work in early childhood and have seen it being used really well by quite a few families.
It is a behaviour management model that can be really successful if both parents are on board with it and prepared to do it properly. You can hire it from libraries or buy it and it works better if you can have it presented at a parenting course or similiar.
The basic principle is to tell your child what it is that you don't want them to do. I the behaviour continues you remain calm and say "thats 1"if they do it again "thats 2"and if you get to 3 it's time out. They get one minute for their age however time out doesn't start until they are rational. Time out doesn't have to be in a specific place and if you send them to their room and they play it doesn't really matter because they are having time out for their behaviour and you are still in control.
There is heaps more to it though and you really need to watch the dvds to fully understand it. Some of the advice is fairly outdated but the general idea of it does promote respect.
Being consistant with any form of behaviour management is the number one most important thing. I also think that you need to be prepared to go through a rough few days while the children get used to any new system