My 4yo cannot / will not blow his nose – HELP!!!

I know this may sound silly but my DS just point blank will not blow his nose, he won’t even try, and the frustration and anguish it is causing all of us around him is really starting to take its toll. Anguish because I can hear him sniffing and swallowing all that snot and I know it’s making him cough and feel sick. I’m finding it really hard to be there and comfort him when he is sick :( because I have to listen to the sniffing and swallowing and that then makes me feel physically sick and anxious (just listening to it).

I don’t know how this happened, I can’t say “from this point on, he refused to blow his nose”. I’m sure there was a time when he would/did blow his nose. His sister is 2 and is a champion nose blower. Where how/did we go so wrong with DS?

I try really hard to not express my frustration and anxiety to him about it because I know he will pick up on it and it will be 10 times worse. But of course, I’m sure there is some of that (transferred anxiety) even though I try to hide it.

I have tried really gently explaining to him that he needs to blow the sickness out and that sucking it in is bad for his body and is making him sicker.

I have tried being more forceful which not surprisingly makes the situation much worse.

We all model nose blowing behaviour and show him slowly and carefully.

What am I missing, what else can I do??? We are going to see his Doctor this week, he loves his Dr and often talks about things he has said to him, to get him to explain nose blowing to DS.

Why do I feel so helpless and hopeless as a parent because my child can’t blow their nose (and why do I now feel like an idiot for being so melodramatic about something so seemingly trivial, argh! :( ).

There are a couple of fun games you could play with him to try to get him practicing to blow. Get a feather and put it on the table. He has to blow the feather off the end of the table using his nose to blow it. If he is really reluctant to try maybe try offering a reward or treat. I'm not usually a fan of rewards but there are times when it does work.
Another game you could try is making some playdough birthday cakes only use real candles and get him to practice blowing them out with his nose.
Try to make it fun without to much pressure but explain that you need to practice blowing your nose to get good at it just like drawing or riding a bike etc.
Hope you find something that works for you.

We have dramas too! And yes frustrating over a little thing. DD1 also is 4 and she just wipes her nose over and over until it gets so sore a scab starts to form.
We taught her to play the recorder thru her nose and pointed out that's how u blow yr nose but then when it comes to doing it she can't seem to do it and she gets upset I get bit frustrated. I think by now she should be able to.
She has a cold ATM and constantly sniffing wiping and then coughing.

A friend's DS is almost 5 and has only just worked out how to blow his nose recently (much to her relief!) - they have tried everything over the years but suddenly it just clicked. If it is a developmental thing maybe he really truly just hasn't gotten it yet :dunno: I would speak with your GP an ask him to try and see if it is really something that he can't do or just won't do.

Not melodramatic Rach at all, noses have been the bane of my life until recently.
What worked finally for us was teaching Darcy to blow bubbles with her nose in the pool/at the end of the bath (when she wasn't sick). We were trying to get her to stop hanging onto her nose in the pool lol (which she still does) but on the upside she figured out that it wasn't so bad and blowing your nose helped you feel better.
I figured out she got the most angst from DH wiping her nose because (while not intentionally) he is a great hulk of a man, who cannot imagine how hard he is wiping someone elses (little) nose. Using a baby wipe helped too because it's cooling and softer.

Thank you so much everyone for your kind replies. :hug: You have given me some excellent ideas.

At this stage though, I feel like letting the snot run out so we could wipe it would be a huge step for us. It’s the sniffing and swallowing that just does my head (and stomach) in :wall: although I realise there are issues with that as well.

Ahhh, there is so much about babyhood and toddlerhood to cry about and miss when they grow out of it, but geez I am going to be throwing the party to end all parties when we can leave this stage behind. :lol:

Can he tell you why he won't / can't / doesn't want to blow his nose? Only reason I ask is maybe its actually causing him discomfort to blow? I was exactly the same as a child. Took ages for my mum to get me to effectively master the nose-blow, and to this day I still really dislike blowing my nose. Mainly because I'm terrible at it (don't seem to be able to get the snot out) and it also hurts, mainly in my ear passages. The pressure it creates in my ears is immense and I will avoid blowing my nose just to avoid that pain & sensation. I had chronic ear, nose & throat issues as a child so I think its partly related.

Sorry, don't know if it offers any insight or assistance, but maybe ask him why he's suddenly stopped. I hear you on the snot swallowing though.....I doubt I'd handle that well either.

Infinity, thank you so much or your reply and your insight. :hug: Yes, DS has had recurrent ear infections his whole life and about 4 or 5 instances of perforated ear drum. We are getting to the point now where we think his hearing may be affected, so we will be off for a hearing test soon I think.

Anyway, we went to see his doctor today (two infected ears and a perforated ear drum, again) and we spoke about the sniffing and swallowing. His Dr didn’t seem to think it was a health issue at all, he reckons it doesn’t make any difference to the length and severity of the sickness if you blow it out or suck it in. :dunno: It’s just personal choice and aesthetics. :wall: He said it’s also a developmental thing and DS just isn’t ready to blow his nose and that us pushing the issue will most likely to make it worse as DS digs his heals in. So we have to let go, get over it, stop stressing and just leave him to work it out himself. :wall: Man I hope I survive till then. :lol: It’s so DISGUSTING!

Oh poor little guy....

ick though, totally understand the yuck factor.

toatlly understand. DS learnt to blow his nose around 18 months old, then at 2.5 years old he just forgot how to. He has only just learnt to blow it again last week at 4.5 years old. I just ignored it for a couple of years, and he started doing it again.

Poor little guy. I hope the ears clear up for him soon and he can enjoy the holiday season with you all, minus some snot.

Off topic, but have they suggested seeing a specialist or considering grommets for his ears yet?