I'm a little annoyed... Advice needed

I took DS to a friends to play today and they were pretty well behaved, considering they are two and boy/ girl.

DS was playing with miss t and they were playing with fake food... DS took the food off miss t so she went feral and starts rolling around the ground, DS does this too, ( it's not her behavior I'm whinging about)

friend came in the room the same time as me and said, something along the lines of DS stop that.... If you don't smack him next time I will.... It took me a second to realize what he said, and obviously my look said it all, because he said, sorry but they can't just hit each other all the time.... I said, they weren't hitting, just not sharing well.... I don't think smacking them is going to make them stop it, they are only two.....

And he's like, well I'm not putting up with it.... So I said, lighten up, your such a grump today, you need some sleep that's all ( he was complaining about getting no sleep....) so I'm thinking he just overracted.... He's a good friend and I don't think he ever actually smack DS anyway but he clearly expects me too, which I won't although I do discipline him and tell him what he did wrong....

I guess I'm asking

do you think I am doing the right thing? Or do you think a little smack is somewhat good for discipline in a two year old?

Obviously my friend and I have different ideas about parenting and I don't want it to affect our friendship or the kids, because they do have fun together :)

I'm not mad at my friend, he was tired and I know what that's like ;)

I don't think you need to smack at all, at any age. They are only 2, it's only natural that they are going to have little battles over sharing toys. Playing nicely is not built into them, it has to be learned! I think that was a bit of an OTT reaction, and if someone else smacked my child, well they wouldn't be a friend to me anymore..

I don't think smacking is appropriate for any age, but even more so at two. They are just kids and in the scenario you described did nothing wrong either!

:hug: Good on you for sticking to your guns too.

Your friend said this. "Don't hit. If your mother does not hit you then I will. This will show you that hitting is wrong."

Wow, that makes sense.

TBH, I usually get down with DS and tell him to give the toy back and he can have it when the other child is finished. Or if the other child has had the toy ages, ask if the child wants to share. The child can give DS the toy. Happy children all around, and lesson learnt. Or they can just throw a tanty - they have to learn the world doesn't revolve around tantrums! Usually when I suggest sharing the children are open to it, it just doesn't come naturally.

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TBH, I usually get down with DS and tell him to give the toy back and he can have it when the other child is finished. Or if the other child has had the toy ages, ask if the child wants to share. The child can give DS the toy. Happy children all around, and lesson learnt. Or they can just throw a tanty - they have to learn the world doesn't revolve around tantrums! Usually when I suggest sharing the children are open to it, it just doesn't come naturally.

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That's exactly what I do :)

Me personally, Id be ****ed to say the least if ANY of my friends or family said something like that to my children FULL STOP!
They maybe a parent but they are not YOUR child's parent. I would never lay a finger on anyones' children EVER let alone treaten them. Its as bad as people saying taht they'll get you to smack their child is their naughty :o YES Ive had people do that to me and make me the bad guy.
I barely smack my children...the moemnt has to be really pushed and my bloody pressure through the roof. I try to walk out of the room but sometimes a firmer voice is so much more effective then to use physical punishment.

:shakehead: I still cant believe your friend said this, tired or not...maybe he need's a good smack

Maz, he was one of five boys and thinks that he wasn't affected by a smack, and that is obviously the way he intends to parent although I don't really think he has put much thought into it.... He is a SAHD and he must think it's working for him to keep doing it, I was shocked but then I thought, my husband would probably say that too, out of frustration, if he felt his child was always on the receiving end of a fight... But she certainly is rough with DS, he never even pushed before they were buddies and tbh it's all a part of learning , to socialize isn't it?

I'm sure it was just a rough day,

I don't smack, I don't have an opinion on what other parents do with their own children, a few of my friends smack. But if they threatened to smack my son I would not be impressed to say the least.

Whether he smacks his child or not, it still doesnt give him the right to think he can say or even think of doing it to your child. That is over stepping so many boundries and classed as ASSAULT.

Let me give you a different example......if a person is molested as a child, does it then make it alright for that person to then become an offender? I know its off track but your telling me he's one of 5 boys and it was done to him so he can then use it is the same in my eyes.

**Sorry dont mean to be a negetive Nancy but just wanted to expalin a little of what I ment**

i dont think its right for him to say that he would smack your ds, and i dont think smacking a child will teach the child not to smack other children....itms!

Wow. Some people...

OK. I smack my kids. I do not have a problem with others smacking their own children. But to threaten to smack someone elses is just plain wrong. It is not their place! You can choose to parent your own kids how you see fit, you cannot choice to parent someone elses. If he had of said something like that to me I would have told him very clearly that if he 'ever' laid a hand on 'my' child, I would be pressing charges. It is NOT his place to smack MY child. I don't see why he thinks he has that right.

i would be telling him straight out how offended you are at his suggestion, it is not ok to tell someone how to disiplin there children.
you are doing the right thing, each child and each parent is different we all have to find what works for us.

having said that tho, im not perfect i use to smak my boys and it took me a long time to realize that it just dosent work, if anything it makes them worse, if ds1 knows he had pushed that limit, he would keep going just to see if he could get another. yes it did feel at the time like a reasonable solution, but it wasnt it just created bigger problems, and a bigger hole.
i was waiting for a bus with a friend and her kids the other week, she has 2 girls the same ages as my boys, the boys were being idiots, showing off (yes at 3 & 5 they show off infront of girls) i tried to get them to settle, knowing the bus was taking forever, and she mentioned i should give them a smack, i explained to her how it dosent work on them and i had stoped smaking them. (i literaly saw a lightbulb go off) "what if i gave them one? might shock them enough that they will calm down, works for the girls!" i did explain it again, but she couldnt understand how it makes them act up more, but did give up on the smacking issue!
your friend might give up and let you parent your way to if you explain your point/situation everytime he brings it up?

I can't say what others parents do with their own kids.Smacking is not for me.
If someone threatened my child , said they would smack them, they would no longer be a friend of mine , i would not take ay excuse .For me that is not on,there is plenty of ways to help kids play together, they are learning how to play how to socialise .

How the heck is thretening them with a smack teaching them not to be rough?

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I can't say what others parents do with their own kids.Smacking is not for me.
If someone threatened my child , said they would smack them, they would no longer be a friend of mine , i would not take ay excuse .For me that is not on,there is plenty of ways to help kids play together, they are learning how to play how to socialise .

How the heck is thretening them with a smack teaching them not to be rough?

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:yeahthat:

Regardless of how anybody disciplines their children, or what their parenting style is. It is not cool to demand that you parent your children in the same way. And TOTALLY uncool to threaten to smack your kids - whether you do or not.