Smacked - I feel like the worst mum ever

I had an a very bad incident today where I now feel like I'm the worst mum in the world and I've let the team down. Mackenzie was scratching (clawing is probably more like it) and kicking me as I was trying to pick her up to change her nappy this morning. For some reason I just snapped and gave her a smack on her bottom - not once but twice. She statred crying and I just hugged her and felt so bad. She then started saying smack bottom to me and I just was sooo upset. This is something I swore I would never do and now I've let the world down. Her hitting/kicking/biting/clawing has been going on now for 6 months and last week she managed to scratch my eyeball which cased me a great amount of pain. We try to manage her behaviour as I've posted before, however today just went bottoms up (so to speak). I spoke to my mum who is very supportive and my dear DH tells me I'm not the first mum to give a smack and to snap out of it and not be so upset. I just feel so terrible. She is a great kid and to top it off it was her birthday yesterday and I just feel so bad. :crying:

Awww hon, first of all I am telling you DON'T FEEL BAD!!!! I for one have done the exact same thing (and felt terrible for it!) but honestly, DO NOT beat yourself up about it.

I think there are 2 "triggers" that sometimes means that an involunatary smack happeds, even when you are the most gentle parent.........tiredness on your part, or when they inflict pain on you and it is a shock.....I think it is instinctive to react like that, as much as we don't want to.

When I was pregnant with Charlie, Olivia started hitting occasionally, and once caught me on the lip and it was such a shock of pain that I ended up smacking her......like you, I felt DREADFUL, and bawled my eyes out.

But the only way I know how to not react like that (which is hard if you are in pain or very tired) is to simply hold their hands tighly and talk through it......the calm talking seems to have more effect on a stressed Mummy than a toddler, but at least it diffuses the situation!

But most importantly, don't feel bad, just move on. But I truely know how you are feeling......

nik - as distressing as it is and as upset as you are right now, a smack doesn't make you a bad mother and i'm sure you've done a wonderful job with mackenzie. Kids are incredible resilient and get over things really quickly, even if we don't. One smack isn't going to undo all the love that you show her.

:hug: Nik - please don't feel bad. I'm sure nearly every parent has done it, like Lucy said, just as a reaction. She knows how much you love her!

Please don't beat yourself up about it.

You're not a bad person. I smacked one of my nephews once and I felt bad about it. It got his attention though and he stopped the bad behaviour instantly. It's hard though isn't it because I think most of us have grown up with the idea that it is something we would never do.

ok, I am willing to admitt I smack my toddler when she misbehaves. Now let me say, it's not ever over small things (unless she's pushed me all day and I am tired etc and snap as we all do). It's usually for doing something deliberately. Like standing on her baby sister. I don't ever smack her hard hard. It's more just a tap. But she knows we mean business then and stops her behaviour. I then talk to her to let her know what she did wrong and after a few mins pick her up and hug her so she knows that even tho mummy was angry, I still love her and all is forgiven quickly as long as she doesn't do it again.....

I don't think you're a bad person either, it happens sometimes when we are at our wits end etc. Don't beat yourself up about it.

Happy Birthday to Mackenzie! It was Mitchells birthday yesterday too!

I really hear what you are saying - they both sound alike, except Mitch has a killer headbutt.
DP's nose has nearly been broken more than once. You can't see it coming and it is such a shock. They may be litle but can still inflict pain, and yes we have both smacked him on occasion. It's not want I want to do and I feel horrible too, but like the others said try not to feel bad.

Oh dont feel bad!...she would have forgotten about it already I am sure. There are so many children out there that really do have mums who cant or dont treat their kids right ...I think our kids are very lucky!...One smack does not undo all the wonderful year of love you have showered on her.

Cass

Thank you all for making me feel so much better. Isn't it amazing what 24 hours can do. You are all correct, she has forgotten about it and I'm on the way to doing the same thing. Thanks again, this really is a great way to help each other! :)