I'm really scared

So I'm almost half way and it's sunk in there will be 2 babies my new doctor is fantastic he's all for going for a VBAC which is great it's what I'd planned ..... for one baby.
I know it shouldnt make a difference how many Im carrying but I remember the feeling of failure after having my c-sec, I remember the feelings of disgust I had for my own daughter due to PND which I didnt know then that c-secs are a big contributor especially emergency ones.
I'm in 2 minds I'd love to say I birthed my twins naturally but what if it doesnt work again, can i cope with all those feelings again?
I want it to be as pain free as possible (doesnt everyone!!) but with minimal to no drugs then i think back to DD2s labour I chickened out and had an epi because the pain became too much for me.

I dont expect answers to this i guess its my own little debreif as this is all swimming around my head. I know given the babies are in a good position that i can do a VBAC after all its what my body was made to do but then I just want to take the easy way out too .... so confusing, why dont i trust my own body?? The pain is a big factor in it too although no where near the fears of dissapointment and failure again.

I think thats enough rambling for now I'll no doubt add more as the pregnancy progresses.
If you've read this then thank you!

oh I am in the same boat as you, just with one bubba, but the emotions are the same. The biggest issue for me is your question - why dont I trust my body. The pain factor is also very high on my doubts list, I never really laboured before my DS's emergency c/s so the unknown of labour is a big cloud over my head.

For me I've found reading as many as I can about birth, how to deal with the pain and good postive positions for labour have really helped. Calm birth and hypnobirthing have some great ideals. I figure that armed with as much information and knowledge as possible it would help deal with any feels of failure I had after my DS's birth.

hope you find some peace and a way forward soon :hug:

I was thinking about doing the calmbirth course just not sure if we will have the funds as we have to get a new car and everything. Glad my fears seem normal though!! All the best with your VBAC


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yeh the costs are crazy, I havent actually done any of the courses, partly because of costs, partly because of my location, just found what I could find for free online lol.

I'm not in either position (vbac or twins) but just sticking my nose in here to recommend the hypnobabies home study course. I also stupidly wasted $400 on a calmbirth course i didn't finish because i found hypnobabies much better for me (but i wasnt sure and was scared so paid to do both).

Hypnobabies even has specific scripts to release fears. It's cheaper than calmbirth and convenient to do at home.

GL

I'll have to look up the hypnobabies, location makes it hard for me too so this could be perfect depending on costs.
I've found some hypnobirth CDs and book online but apparently you really need the course to go along with it - or they could be saying that to get more money :p

I hope my mind eases soon I want to be able to look forward to the birth not stress about it


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The exchange rate is good atm, so it's a good time to get it. It's american but i didn't find the voice annoying.

I found a great hypnobirthing album on iTunes. Very reasonably priced and there were 4 tracks for different parts of your pregnancy and labour. I just practiced heaps and they were great.

Sounds like your putting an awful lot of pressure on yourself dahl.
Unfortunately there are some things we can't control, but there's no harm in knowing what you would like to aim for with your birth, so long as you are prepared emotionally if things need to go a different way.

I just posted this in the VBAC success stories thread... I copy&pasted if here for you

In my experience the only thing holding me back from believing I could do it is the fact that I already had a baby and had never been through the labour or attempted a natural birth as my first was breech... So even through I wanted it so much it was hard to visualise it or believe that it would actually happen. I was so positive about it through my whole pregnancy (and so negetive about a repeat c/s I had PND after mine too) but I still had that doubt in the back of my mind... It wasn't until about 12 hours into the labour when the head was practically between my legs that I did realise "Hey! I am going to do it after all!" and after 3 hours of pushing there she was! It was the best feeling in the world! I actually did it! And the thing is that it wasn't really different to any other normal vaginal birth. I did have continuous monitoring though because of issues with bubs heartrate dropping, which turned out to be because the cord was around her neck when she came out, not anything to do with a previous c/s. And I still did it anyway. There isn't much chance of uterine rupture at all. Don't think about your scar, think about getting your baby out and it will happen!

I was in the same boat as you and I think many women are: "Do I take the easy way out and go with a c/s? then deal with the emotional affects" or "Do I stick this one out and let my body do what it was made to?" And it's hard because once you have already had a cesear you are given the choice. Either way you have to be prepared for both outcomes and just be thankful that the doctors will deliever your baby the safest way for the both of you... I would have chickened out half way through my labour if it wasn't for the ob (not a private ob either) he said I was fine and nothing was going to happen to my scar. I had pain in my scar on the leftside during the contractions and I asked for a c/s a few times they kept reassuring me it was ok. And it was. If you do have a VBAC it will be the best feeling after when it's all over you will feel so proud that it makes it all worth it I assure you! :) Just visualise over and over exactly how you picture you birth and visualise the baby coming out the way you want it to. I did this over and over in my mind and dispite never having been in labour or giving birth naturally it was almost just how I pictured it!

Sorry so long but I thought my story may help you feel better about your situation... Good luck! I hope the birth of your baby is everything that you want it to be :crossfingers:

Thanks hun that gave me a lot to think about, in regards to the uterine rupture i have a much higher chance being a multiple pregnancy and the scar tissue being very, very thin its already showing signs of strain at 18 weeks (well that was at 15 weeks they told me that will have to see tomorrow if they do another internal u/s to see again) :( but I will continue to get as much info as i can and continue to try and put my fears to rest, i honestly think if i had only one baby in there my mind would be so much different ... i know its silly!

It must be scary for you with twins! With or without having a previous c/s I can understand that there would be more fears with trying to get 2 babies out safely! But can I just add that I was also told that I could be at higher risk of uterine rupture, my GP requested a u/s at 38 weeks to measure the thickness of my scar... I had sharp pains in the left side of my scar both during the end of my pregnancy and during the contractions while in labour. I did alot of research while pregnant and the new studies say you at less risk of uterine rupture if your scar has a thickness of 3.5mm or more. At my u/s it showed that my scar actually thinned out on the left half of it, it was only 1.5mm thick! When I saw the OB the following week he was still happy (and encouraged) for me to labour and try to birth naturally. He said the scar tissue is very strong and the thickness shouldn't be an indication to whether or not it would rupture, as all women's bodies are different. He said that even the small percentage of uterine ruptures don't usually rupture complete but just a layer or two and the uterus still remains in tact, and the doctors are able to see the signs and can then send you off for a c/s if they suspect that you are going to rupture, or that you may have partially ruptured (which still happens in less than 1% of VBAC attempts).

So there is a little more to think about... lol Just read positive stories, think positive and trust yourself and the doctors. Believe me I was so scared of labour, birth, rupture, all of it! But I am so happy that I put my fears aside and went with it, I got the best possible outcome. Just let the doctors worry about what my go wrong that's there job and they will make sure you and the babies are safe no matter what :) Whatever you decide I hope that it all goes as smoothly as possible for both you and your babies!

Thanks for that info hun you've been really helpful!!!
Just had news at my appt I maybe out of the race for a vbac one of the placentas is lying right on my cervix so unless it moves up it's impossible


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Oh no that's no good, hopefully it moves out of the way for you. I had the same early pregnancy but it had moved up by 28 weeks... How long till you are due?

I'm due June 8th but natural or not they don't want me to go past 37 weeks


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