Sticking my foot in it

I've just seen some customers at work, and let them know about bubs as i'll be on leave for ages. I'd previously told his wife, but wasn't sure about him so mentioned it again. Then it turns out they're on their way to visit the grave of their first daughter, who died 4 years ago. I could have cried, I felt so stupid and just didn't know what to say. What can I say? It's not like I can give a hug or anything. I just feel horrible :(

I also worry I'm becoming *that* pregnant woman. You know when you're ttc, or thinking about it, suddenly their are babies, pregnant women and announcements everywhere? It happened to me all the time. Now I'm worried I'm doing the same thing.

DH's best mate told us his wife got a bit depressed when we announced our pregnancy, even though they're apparently not trying yet. I sent off my leave forms to the manager's assistant at work, and she was so wistful about it all. I have a feeling the branch manager here is the same.

I'm mindful about keeping baby stuff to a minimum, I don't bombard Facebook with it, I'm not constantly talking about it, and still I feel like it's causing people pain. It's just as hard on this side of the fence as it was on the other! :(

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Unfortunately, some people may have their own issue with you being pg. That doesn't mean you shouldn't celebrate it or enjoy it, or shout it from the rooftops! It is yours to enjoy. Their issues are about them. It may be sad, but it is not your fault or your responsibility to be suedued just so you don't accidently step on a few toes. It is not like your being pregnant is the reason why others aren't, or why others loose babies / children. If you know there is specifically certain people who may be hurting, then by all means don't rub it in their faces, but don't feel as if you have to sensor everything, everywhere JIC. Sometimes it does people good to stop wallowing in their own misery and share someone elses joy with them.

Agree with everything Misty said.

Thanks misty. And you're so right, I should be able to enjoy my pregnancy and not stress that everyone I meet might be upset by it. My main issue with Facebook is a girl who used to update about her pregnancy every hour, every day - everyone got annoyed at that!

I'm never intentionally putting it right there in front of people I know will be upset, it just saddens me that I've unknowingly upset people - the same way I got upset a few times while ttc, and yeah, that was my own issue.

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I agree with misty, except for the wallowing in misery part. ouch.

It's always going to be difficult for people whose babies have died or are having fertility issues. It's great you're sensitive enough to be aware of that and not rub their noses in it.

It's your baby and you're allowed to be excited. Just accept some people can't be excited for you and don't take it personally. WRT the couple whose baby died, all you can ever say is "I'm sorry for your loss." If you're interested and they seem willing, ask about their baby, especially the baby's name. It always always helps and you cannot make them sad by doing that. Though sometimes they won't want to talk and it's ok if you'd rather not as well.

You can only be you. Take care of yourself and bub and enjoy being pregnant and anticipating bub.

Thanks tash :hug: I'm not so worried about people who are like I was - I ttc for 3 months and got upset, but that's nothing compared to this family. Thanks for re-assuring me I didn't make it worse for them, I said I was sorry and this must be a hard time for them, and he told me a little about her and her name. I really just felt like crying when he left :cry:

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Don't feel bad - honestly, just by worrying that you will be "that" pregnant person, you're less likely *to* be that pregnant person. Be aware of it, and you'll be unlikely to hurt anyone else's feelings. If you do, there probably wasn't much that wouldn't have hurt them in the first place anyway.

*sorry if the 'wallowing in their misery' sounded a little harsh - I didn't mean it to be: certainly their misery can be a very real thing. I just meant that sometime people (myself included) get so caught up in their problems (whether the loss of a loved one, TTC or something else entirely), but life still goes on, and celebrating that life can be a 'good' break from their personal grief.

oh sweets, it not U being pregnant that gets them, its just pregnancy in general. flood ur FB, talk about bub all the time, its your time to have a baby and be exstatic about it! noone should take that away from you xxx

Thanks again everyone. I think it's just an emotional time, then this and I nearly broke down :( I just hope if these other girls are ttc that they get q bfp soon. My little one will need a playmate anyway!

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When I was ttc and dealing with miscarriage, I would get upset when all my friends were having babies. BUT, I felt really bad cos I wanted them to be able to celebrate without worrying about me.
I'm sure your client would not want you to feel bad about your pregnancy.
Now I'm the pregnant one and am stressing out a friend of mine who feels pressured to have kids.
It's just a matter of keeping balanced and we can all care about each other and share in both the happy and hard times. (I should write greeting cards)

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