Massive parenting vent - I need your help.

I’m so sorry to dump this on you gorgeous ladies but I am about to completely snap and lose my mind. My kids’ behaviour is just getting worse and worse despite everything I try and I’m just at a complete lost. Honestly I just want to walk out the door to get away from them.
DD is 3 ½ and DS is 18 months. They are both covered in welts from belting each other with anything they can get their hands on, both covered with bites and scratches. As soon as they hit with something it is taken off them and the offender is put in time out. Same with biting. I’ve tried taking their toys off them, time out, distraction, doing activities with them, deprieved them of an activity for being naughty. I’ve tried reasoning with them and telling them straight out not to do it.
I am so frustrated as they know what they are doing is wrong because as soon as they do it they give me what they hit the other one with and go to timeout or if it’s biting they just walk straight to time out.
If they are doing something such as squealing or running around instead of settling down, hiding behind the couch so I can’t dress them I can’t settle them down. They just don’t/won’t stop doing what they are doing no matter what I do. If I’m trying to say get them to stop running around the house squealing at bedtime I sit on the floor, hold them and ask them to stop doing it as it is time to settle down they squeal at me and keep on doing the same thing. I put them in time out and they just keep on squealing. As soon as they are out of time out it’s back to it again!!
I try doing activities with them but they always turn into fights so I stop it and I’m at the stage where I don’t even want to try. I know exactly what is going to happen.
I always try to use a calm normal voice when handling their behaviours. But no amount of deep breathing or counting is helping.
I can’t even get them to stop jumping/running/climbing on the lounge suite – I’ve been trying for months!!! They have broken the zippers on two of my chairs and now they are ruined!! They are currently banned from sitting on the lounge.
Bed time is a nightmare. They are completely crazy. They just run, jump, tackle each other, squealing and won’t settle down at all. Their bedtime routine has been the same from the day they were born. It’s tea, play, bath, quiet time (well it’s supposed to be anyway) then books in bed at 7.30 and lights out by 8pm. The quiet time is just crazy. We don’t have the tv or radio on. We can’t even sit and read a book without it turning into a fight and me just leaving and putting them both to bed screaming.
I have cut out my computer time during the day so they have my attention. I have also moved my shower and majority of my housework to nights when they are in bed so my day isn’t taken up with other jobs so I can spend time with them. I’m getting to bed later and I am starting to wonder why I am even bothering.
I’m so sick to death of being on the verge of tears all day every day I’m home with them. I am laying on the couch crying because I just don’t know what to do anymore. It’s to the point where I’m thinking about going back to work full time just so I don’t have to be home with them. How horrible is that!!! I have a permament headache and I am so sick of being the screaming banchee!!!!
I’m giving up and they are getting worse. I just don’t know what to do!! I’m all out of behaviour strategies for the kids and sanity for me. I’m breaking!!
Please help me!! What can I do??

TIA an extremely stressed out mum.

Oh hun :hug:

I'm not sure I have any advice you havent already tried..

Maybe changing the punishment (my dad used to make us stand in a corner when we were naughty)
If your not opposed to giving them a smack maybe?
Maybe you could inlist the help of a friend, my DS completely ignores me when I am cross, because he knows whats going to happen, I had a friend come over and he was being naughty again and she just stood up and got cross with DS... shocked the hell out of him and he didn't do it for about 3 days afterwards!

Hugs hun :hug: couldn't read & not post.
One thing I am wondering is could it be diet? (yes, and this comes from me, wouldn't want to show anyone my cupboards atm) but even healthy foods, fruits etc can affect behaviour. Green apples, I think, for example.... Might be one thing to look at, anyway.
I hope things ease for you soon, I completely understand the need for a break, don't feel bad for it :hug:

do you think they would they respond to visuals/pictures on a routine schedule? so having a bunch of pictures of different activities set up in a row in order of what you are doing for say the morning routine, and at 'get dressed' time then thats what we are doing, and when we've finished that, we take the picture down and then we can move onto the next activity.
are they getting enough activity during the day? and of the right sorts of activity for them? an occupational therapist might be able to help you in this area - have a look at this website and make sure they are getting plenty of these types of 'heavy work' activities throughout their day (but please bear in mind, I take no responsibility for any of the information suggested in the website article). i hope the link works..
http://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&q=...8nwb97Ys7dgQeg

i know you hate them jumping on the lounge - but what about relaxing under some heavy blankets as part of the bed time routine, or rolling them up tight like a 'hot dog' in a blanket while they read their book or do their quiet activities before going to bed (similar principle to swaddling a baby - the pressure around the body provided by these sorts of activities is is actually also very calming for young children), thats why massage generally has such a calming effect on most people - your boys seem to be doing a lot of rough fighting, sometimes this can signal the need for more of this deep pressure so that they can be more regulated and calm throughout their day - sometimes its just about finding alternative ways of them getting this stimulation and making sure they are getting enough of it so they are not constantly seeking it through the rough play/fighting
how is time out happening? - are they getting fully deprived of attention at this time, or are you still having to talk/yell at them during this time? giving lots of attention to the child who has been hit but ignoring the one that hit is sometimes one that works too
your probably already doing this but one strategy is to be on the ball for when they are doing the 'right' thing and giving them lots and lots of praise/rewards/ positive reinforcements etc for this. e.g. noticing when they are both playing gently and going and giving them both a great big hug and telling them that you are so proud of them for playing gently with each other.. for this to work - you need to be doing it consistently, every day, being really conscious of when they are playing or behaving the way that you are expecting and then rewarding them for it in whatever way works best for your kids.

would going to bed earlier help? maybe their getting their second wind, i was also going to suggest diet changes.
go and borrow the 1-2-3 magic DVD from the library, we use it here and it works :hug:

My DS went through a patch of being an absolute turd. It was just painful to be around him, all day every single thing would turn into a hour long tantrum. I didn't want to be around him. If he was by some miracle playing nicely by himself I left him to it because even looking at him would create another tantrum.

What worked for us was a star chart. A sticker and a smartie every time he did something good, then a freddo frog at the end of every row (about 15 stars, so every 3-5 days). It was hard at first trying to find things to give the stars for, "WOW, I loved the way you put your rubbish in the bin" etc, an over enthusiastic response and a sticker on the chart. It slowly got easier to find things to praise him for and he started trying to earn the stars. We did it for about 4 months and then just phased it out because we seemed to be over the worst of it.

I am not sure if the chart helped substantially, but it sure did make a difference to my mental health to be on the look out for good behaviour and to reward it rather than just spending all day reacting to bad behaviour.

Good luck. I know it is hard, and harder with two on the go at the same time xx

Oh no hun :hug: I feel for you and have no huge advice because I am feeling like going back to work as well for the same reasons. We are using 123 magic here as well though hun - I got it for $25 on ebay - well worth it and although we have adapted it quite a bit it is really good. xoxox Hope things settle for you soon sweets. xox

ETA: Oh we use a rewards chart here for Iz too for night sleeps, we use it in phases when her going to sleep deteriorates but it does work well.

Thank you so much ladies. Maybe they aren't getting enough stimulation or not the right stimulation. I'm off to look up 123 magic and see if it has any suggestions.

Can't thank you all enough :grouphug:.

Have to go and get my "precious" ones to bed - still doing that battle :(

:hug:

I have no ideas for you cos I feel your pain!!! But, that was mine about 6 months ago, and they have both calmed down a bit now from what they were, and DD1 doesn't scream and shriek nearly as much as she used to.

So hopefully they will grow out of it like mine seem to be doing :hug:

you poor thing been there....i dont know have any real advice its just me and my Dh are very strict when it coems to that sort of thing.....dinner time can be not pleasent....my DS1 doesnt like/ wont eat it...even tho he is hungry so i make him sit there and finish i dished out for him.....

I guess my point is dont show them you're gving up they will sense it and be worse....maybe play some games or go out....i try and tire them out as much as i can....

My two can be exactly the same at times, so will be watching this thread for ideas...

A couple of things that I have done that have helped are:

Go outside - for some reason my two don't fight nearly as much outside as they do inside. As its hot now, first thing in the morning outside, even eat brekky outside. They burn some energy, do messy play etc. I also take them outside around 4pm as well.

Move bath time - bath time after dinner was just hyping them up. They now have a bath before dinner. Eat dinner then we all sit down for quiet time. If one of us parents is running around cleaning up etc just seems to hype them up. I do let my eldest child watch TV at this time. She just tends to sit and watch the TV so is actually using it to wind down. That leaves the 15 month old to wonder around or read books. Then they go to bed.

Also with the bath time moved I am finding I can get them to bed much earlier. At the moment they are both generally in bed asleep by 7pm. 3.5 y/o doesn't have a day sleep and 15 month old is on 1 sleep a day.