Think it's time.. how do I wean him?

DS1 was bfed til 12 months at which point he weaned himself....
I had expected DS2 to wean himself at some pt but it isnt happening and I think it is time. I have been working 4 days per week since he was 8 months (expressing til 12 months) and I dont think I can keep bf. I also think it is going to be better for him to wean for a few reasons.
He doesnt feed to sleep anymore and he hyas no bottles (lots of milk and water from a cup). He has a bfeed around 3-5am when he wakes - this used to settle him straight back to sleep but now i find i need to settle him after it. If I am around he tries to feed at other times - usually after an absence (so when he first sees me after a sleep or after work or when i have not been w him ie if his dad gets up with him in the morning). It feels more like a bonding thing now than anything to do w hunger/thirst. DH sees it is also a way for DS2 to get some 'control' over me, as he will demand a feed when DS1 is getting all my attention or I am busy...
So... anyone got tips? I want it to be gentle. i actually thgink he wont sleep through til the feeds stop (he never has and wakes up a few times each night). I am tired and havung just come back froma holiday which got me in a much better frame of mind i need to keep myself on some sort of even keel w sleep/rfest, exerciuse etc and this will help me. i struggled a lot the last 6 months.
I have been using the 'boobies are sleeping' line - which worked for a few times - now when i say it he tries to wake them up. i goive him a cup of milk when he asks and that sometime works... he wont just have a cuddle at that point and he gets quite upset.
interested in opinions (even if you think i shouldnt wean) and pointers (if you think i should). I am so thrilled we are still feeding at 18.5 months!
TIA.

ps sorry for spelling - at work and wanted to ask q but no time to fix it!!

i would start very gently at first and certainly wouldnt start on the night feed. i reckon you are going the right way in giving him a drink of water or a cup of milk when he asks for boob when he is feeling a bit jealous of your attention being placed elsewhere. get up from where you are sitting etc...break the situation ITMS. if you see him start to get into the mood for boob, again i would gently break the association by standing up, leaving the room and offering him a drink. use the drink that he gets as a comfort. for example with Leila her milk drink of an evening was our bonding moment. she would sit on my lap like she used to when she was BF and we would have a cuddle and read a book. something like that where he knows taht he has you 100% but isnt related to boob...

gosh i hope that makes sense!

Good luck mamapan, sorry I have no advice to offer I'm still learning about bfing myself

I helped both my girls night wean because it got to a stage where i just couldn't manage without sleep. They both started sleeping through on about the second or third night. When i did it, i would offer water, rock them, cuddle them, walk up and down the hall, whatever they wanted but i didn't feed them. It worked well for us, we all started getting more sleep and it it wasn't difficult or traumatic for either of us.

As for general weaning tips, i am no expert. I have read many people write to only drop one feed at a time though. Probably to do with slowly reducing your supply to avoid engorgement or mastitis issues.

As for BF'ing only for comfort. I think that is ok. BF is not just about the milk it is an important time between mother and baby. It he wants to feed for comfort and you are happy with that then i think it is fine. He is getting more from it than you imagine. As for him manipulating you, i really don't think babies have the capacity to manipulate or control their parents. It's a comfort thing, he sees his brother getting attention and maybe it upsets him a little, so he wants what makes him feel better. But his little brain wouldn't say "Man N is getting all mum's attention, i'm gonna demand a feed so i get all the attention". I know many people think babies are capable of controlling their parents, but i don't believe at 18 months their brains are capable of intentionally doing it. jmo. :)

BUT if you feel you want to wean then that is ok too, you need to find another way to provide comfort for him. A replacement if you like.

Yep I just read back that sounds wrong - I dont think he manipluates me.. more that this is his comfort, 1:1 time etc. he mucks around HEAPS when he is feeding...
I dont think it is an issue w my supply - i have cut back so much and days when i am at work he gets the 4amish one only (and maybe one at the dinner table when he cracks it). I think i am too tired and too much on to do the night feed anymore. pretty sure when that goes the other little ones will too if we distract him.
Every night i say kets not feed him tonight. then i do!!! what age were your girls JM and Cass???

Isa - thanks for posting and congrats - been meaning to log on and PM you hon. xxx

I night weaned at about 9 months. DD2 weaned at around 20 months i think, she was down to one feed a day, sometimes two, but i got really sick with salmonella food poisoning, malaria and was pregnant so my milk just vanished and as a result she stopped feeding.

It was hard to not feed over night as feeding was the quickest way to re-settle them . But it was totally worth it after 2 nights, she was suddenly sleeping 7-7 and has done since.

:hug: MP. no advice but i'm in the same boat. i was hoping DS would want to stop by now but there are no signs. i feel so cruel every time i consider it but, for me, i need a break before we TTC #2....i'm being selfish (but honest)!

it's hard to cut that first one - could your DP help out? mine was a massive help while he was on xmas leave & managed to resettle DS without a feed until 4am but now i'm slipping back to old habits.

:hug: good luck!

Definitely take it slow to avoid problems for yourself and to make it as easy as possible on your boy.
I night weaned at 14 months to get my cycles back and it did not stop the night wakings. In fact, DS didn't start sleeping through consistently till he was well over 2. I would have just resumed night feeds but for the TTC thing - it definitely is easier. Anyway, it doesn't always 'work', depends on the kid.

Getting your partner to help during the night can work well. Sometimes cutting feeds shorter and shorter works. Or gradually pushing them back. You can also try explaining that your boobs are asleep during hte night, or that he can feed only when the sun comes up or something like that.

I think breastfeeding for comfort really is fine for toddlers, just like for babies. It's a really convenient way of offering comfort for mums too. Is it just the lack of sleep that's the problem for you?

i started giving J a tommee tippee bottle full of milk and a foot massage and he self weaned at 20 months. now he always wants foot massages though! LOL

Have you thought about instead of weaning you stick to feeding him in one spot only and at the same times? For example you could do a night time feed before bed, in his room with just the two of you? This will still give you the one on one bonding time, and limit the demanding off feeds for attention. If he demands then you firmly tell him no, booby is for bedtime in your room.