IL's. Do we have to invite them? crappy situation [vent and advice]

I'm am planning DD2 christening and we don't really want BIL there or MIL for that matter. Heres some background. Dh and bil have had issues for a long time starting with bil sleeping with dh's first wife but they have been 'nice' to each other over the years. Dh has 2 daughters to his ex-wife. Now years later, as of last year dh's ex-wife and his brother are now a couple. Dh is not happy about it, his not happy his brother is playing 'daddy' with his children while he has to fight to see them, he has to fight to even talk to them. MIL is going along with it all because bil is her golden child, if it was dh dating bil's ex-wife she would dis-own him. DSD's went out to mil's last weekend with bil. MIL didn't tell dh they were going there, didn't asked if he would like to go over so he could spend time with his kids, then when they were there dh called could hear dsd's and she still didn't say they were there :angry:. Atm I feel like having the christening and just not telling mil. Its not like she bothers seeing our kids. She only comes sees them every couple of months and I think its only for show, I don't think she really wants to see the kids. Chloe was 4 days old before she bothered seeing her and it was only after I asked her when was she going to come meet her grand-daughter. She stayed for about 20minutes then left, she hasn't seen her since. As for bil, Chloe is 3 weeks old today and he hasn't even bothered to see her. They don't deserve my children. I thinking about moving away from il's and moving closer to my parents at lease they love seeing and spending time with my kids. So do I invite mil or bil or both and just act like all this crap isn't happening or not invite them and risk them going off?

Oh hun it sounds so much like my IL's....
My MIL has never met either of my kids (my eldest is 2 years 9 months old)....
My DH and Bro didn't speak when DH and I got married...and I suggested he be the bigger man, and invite his Bro, and then leave it up to him if he came or not....he did...it was awkward, and icky, but he came.

Now, a few years down the track, and after ALOT has happened in the mean time, they get along great guns, and DH is glad we invited BIL to the wedding.
Be the bigger person....invite them....make it fall on their shoulders whether they come or not...
You'll be so busy enjoying yourself, you'll barely notice them if they show up anyway!

thats Just my opinion though...

Bugger being the bigger person...

I wouldn't, I would never forgive my sister for shaking up with my ex (and sounds like they may have been partners when the first dead occured) and My mother would be out of my life if she supported it too.

Sorry somethings just arnt forgivable.

Sorry its such a horrible situation for you.

wow what a sticky situation :hug:
I think I would invite them but only to save more dramas, act like they arent there and have a great time. If it was me and I didnt invite them it would stick in my mind as to what "fresh" dramas it would cause.
I think your moving idea sounds fantastic :D

It's your DD's special day and if inviting them will make it less special then I think you should leave them out. It might create some drama away from the Christening, but at least you would enjoy the Christening. The only thing would be - does your DH want his kids there because that might make it all a bit more messy and I can understand if he wants his kids there.

FWIW, we didn't invite any of DH's family to our kids' dedications. They cracked it and sent cards and letters but that had nothing on how awful the Dedications would have been had we invited his family. We had a lovely day without them celebrating with people that cared about us, liked me and were interested in our kids and not just because of what they could get from them. I have no regrets about DH's family not being there and neither does he. The highly offensive cards and gifts they sent afterwards with inscriptions letting our kids know how awful we were but they were loved by DH's family anyway, just confirmed for us that we made the right decision.

It is not about them. It is about you and your family and you need to do what you think is right. It's not an easy choice but you have to make the decision with your DH :hug:

I think it depends.
If you (or dh, more importantly) are in a place where you're ready to cut then out entirely, take a stand and don't invite them. They haven't shown themselves to be loyal or deserving of your respect.
If you're not in that space yet, or still want to be seen to be doing the right thing, then by all means send the invite, but do it expecting nothing in return. That way you won't be disappointed and anything else will be a happy surprise.
I'm really sorry your bil and mil are so selfish and untrustworthy, but it is what it is. You can only control your own actions.
HTH x

I agree with beatrix!! That's unforgivable in my eyes.