VENT about my selfish brother

i am so angry right now. my brother is the most selfish person on this planet! he is 16 months younger then me but seriously is acting like a child.

its DS 1st birthday next wednesday and my mum told me that my brother, his partner and their 2 kids arent coming. apparantly a friend of theirs has a child who is also having a birthday party that day and they are going there instead. DS is their nephew for goodness sake. this really is just a chapter in an ongoing situation.

when their DS was born 9 weeks early we called to congratulate them and even went to the hospital to meet him. when my DS was born we didnt even get a congratulations until a week later by text, no visits, nothing. we didnt even get an invite to their childrens birthday parties. i feel like we dont exist to them. his partner has caused so many issues between the family also and my mum always makes excuses for them both. i just dont know what to do anymore!

so sorry just needed to vent

Hun first suggestion don't both with them if they dont bother with you ecspecially if they are going to act like that.. It's not fair on you or you ds
Also how dare they go elsewhere on such a special day for your ds!
I would be furious also that's just ridiculous
I think you should pull your brother aside and ask him why he is being so disrespectful to you..
Maybe it's his wife that's the mastermind behind all of this and your mum shouldnt make excuses for things that are obviously inexcusable
Massive hugs babe chin up hun your so obviously the mature one out of the two...

This sounds identical to DH's brother, and I blame the wife for all of it. I think she has jealousy issues.
It's so hurtful, and you both have kids, they're cousins and yet never get to spend time together, it's so frustrating isn't it. Family is so important and especially as kids, having lots of cousins is wonderful. it's such a waste and a shame that your brother and his wife can't get past whatever issues they seem to have with you and just suck it up for the sake of the kids.

thank you so much for your replies ladies. really means a lot. :hug:

i spoke to my brother the other day about something totally unrelated and asked him about DS's birthday party. his excuse for not coming was that they have known about this other party for months so that was more important. i started to say something but DH was motioning in the background to not continue so i didnt.

i am so over it at the moment. i try and try to make an effort but get it thrown back at me all the time so i think i just wont bother anymore.

thank you so much for listening ladies xx

Big hugs hun:hug:
Sounds just like my selfish brother :( Used to drive me crazy but now I've accepted that's the way it is and try not to let it get to me.

:hug:
I would just leave him hun. Sounds like he causes more trouble :hug:

Their behaviour is attrocious.
No matter how long I have known about a birthday party, even if the Pope himself invited me, I would drop it all for my nephew's 1st birthday. Geez, if I had more money, I'd fly all the way to Germany (where they live) for it.
I think you should ask him what's going on. Tell him that you were hurt. Don't go accusing him of being selfish, as that will just put him in the defensive. but tell him how his behaviour has made you feel.
You know, I had some issues with my brother's wife, too. I think she felt a little bit threatened by me for a while. God knows why, as I live on the opposite side of the world. It got better after we talked about it.
But we would never have taken it out on the kids.
But even if my SIL had decided to boycott me or my kids. My brother would have taken his son and come without her. For his niece and nephew's sake.

i have tried talking to him but he just fobs it off and defends her. when i was pregnant i was on fb and a status of hers came up and she was talking to her sister about leaving my brother when she was pregnant (she was 9 or so weeks ahead of me) and how she didnt think it was a good idea at that stage as she only had 12 weeks to go in the pregnancy. i called my mum concerned but by the time my mum went to see it, she had deleted it. mum called up my brother and he just denied it and defended her. needless to say i ended up with nasty text messages accusing me of spreading lies around about her. considering both DH and my aunty also read and saw it, i definately wasnt spreading anything around. she is just a nasty person. i have caught her telling people on fb how bad my brother treats her and how bad my mother is. my brother bends over backwards to provide for her and the two kids (the eldest of which isnt his) and so does my mother. i just dont get how she can treat them like this.

You know teresa, some people have a bubble they live and they think their s*** dont stink.. they are rude, disrespectful and most of all attention seekers..
This lady sounds like an outright b**** and i can really say you are the better person for putting up with it for this long.
And she obviously isnt the most honest person ive heard of, if your brother cant see her for what she is there really isnt anything you can do, but be there for him when things crumble, and he will be more appreciative then..
I would just let it be water on a ducks back babe. Your obviously not going to be treated and respected the way you should be as long as she has her claws in him, and she will continue to act like this, very immature and just b***** as long as your brother allows it, karma is a B**** and just remember that hun.
Be the mother and wife your DH loves you for and let this continue on its road to self distruction on its own.
You definently dont want to be the one in the middle if it does go sour..

What an awful situation.
Ok, here are my 2 cents. Do NOT talk badly about her to your brother. Or your mother. In fact, don't talk about her at all. Your brother is a grown man (even if he doesn't behave like one). He got himself into this situation and now he has to deal with it. i know it's hard, when you feel like he is being taken advantage of, but there isn't anything you can do but bite your tongue, let him make his mistakes and then be there for him if it does all go pear shaped.
Be polite to her when you do see her, but try to keep your distance. Maybe even delete her from your facebook so you don't have to read those things about your brother. In other words: stay out of their relationship. If you don't, you could further alienate your brother and strengthen her grip of him.

Talk to your brother about your relationship with HIM. Not with HER. Leave her completely out of it. Tell him that you were hurt that he didn't come to your son's birthday. He is a grown man and makes his own decisions. So even if his wife doesn't want to come, he still has to own his own decision of not coming.

I don't know if this comes across the right way. It's hard to put in words, especially when you can;t hear the tone in my voice.

My issues with my SIL took a turn for the worse with her "unplanned" pregnancy. I am 100% sure that it wasn't quite so unplanned (things she let slip, circumstances). I felt really betrayed. My brother adores her. My family had accepted her as one of us. And then she goes and does something like that. It took me a while to get over that. But in the end, i knew that she actually loved him. She had lots of issues from her childhood that explain what she did. But they don't excuse it. And most importantly, I know that he loves her. And he's happy. And that's all that matters to me. He ended up proposing to her, marrying her and they have a gorgeous son. He is deliriously happy and I know he would have married her eventually anyway. The pregnancy just sped things up.
She actually felt my negative feelings against her and it didn't help anyone.

Anyway, I know your situation is different as your SIL doesn't seem to love your brother. Just thought I'd let you know that I sort of understand your situation.

Well, it's better than letting your sister pick the date to suit herself so there was a hope she would come... then she TEXTS (not calls) two weeks before to say she's not coming now. She knew the day and time... she picked them. She "can't afford" it... yeah, well, what if I "couldn't afford" your wedding, or DH is working that weekend? All hell would break loose. I'm still expected to make a fuss over HER birthday and she's supposed to be the adult!

Needless to say, after the wedding we're just stopping visiting family. When DS's grandparents, aunt and uncle CBF to turn up to his party then that's their lookout. We aren't making a fuss over them any more. (Six months to go before I can cut all contact... and I am counting down.)

Not to make this about me, but if something upsets you that much then just wash your hands of them. The emotional pain isn't worth it.

I haven't read all the replies so excuse me if I am off the mark here. . .
But do you see your brother all the time? Maybe with regard to him going to someone elses party. Maybe they know them more.
Where I am going with this is, I don't think just because you are family means that he has an obligation to go to every event.
Invite the people that love and respect you and enjoy the day with people that want to be there!


Love me ;)