Who would you leave your kids with?

My PIL tonight asked us if in the event that both me and DP happen to be in an accident and we both died *knock on wood nothing happens* what would happen to our DD, who would get her?

I've been thinking about it and i am not entirely sure. I have to think about what effect it will have on the person/s we leave her with, if they have the same values we have and will give her the life we want for her. I don't think either of my sisters are able to look after her, they don't have a stable living arrangement. There is either of his sisters but then they have their own children and i think one more would be like a burdon on them but of course i have no doubt that if we left her with them that they would be more than happy to do so. Then i thought of his best friend and his wife. They are both intelligent people, they have great values and morals. They both don't want children of their own but i know that if something was to happen they would be more than happy to take over from us. DP is thinking of one of his cousins in Melbourne, she has two young children and we are very close to her.

I'd honestly like somebody who isn't in the family, but someone we class as family and who adore or DD as much as we do. That person is my oldest friend but i am not sure if she would have what it takes to take on a child full time, of course that would change if she got married and had her own children.

Its something we all should think about, as you can't say it wont happen to you.

So, who would you leave YOUR kid/s with??

Currently my brother and his wife. I love and respect the way that they bring up their own 3 boys.

However, when my sister remarries - I will put in my Will that either my brother OR my sister are to look after my children, whoever has the capacity to and also the desire ;)

We haven't actually put it on paper, but it would be DH's parents for sure. My mum has quite poor health and just doesn't have the means to look after 4 children and DH's parent's do - they have a massive house and are able to provide for them. Plus their ideals align with ours and Mum is a lot more 'questionable' LOL.

I have to say though, it was a bit rude for your IL's to ask you outright like that because it puts you on the spot to give an answer when it's something that needs a great deal of thought put into it.

Yes it was very confronting question but one that we hadn't talked about or even thought about.

We of course would be asking whoever we choose what they think about it. It is something that needs a lot of thought put into it.

if it was like 2moro it would be my parents if its later on in the future it would be my sister no hesitations i would give them to the IL's only coz they dont parent the same as me and i wouldn't see that as right or fair for the kids IYKWIM but in saying that if anything happened to me i dont know that DH would do too well and they would probably end up with my parents anyway

we would have been left with our uncle and his wife if anything ever happened to our parents

My younger sister! She is such a loving and kind soul! She has her head screwed on and most likely can't have her own kids without massive medical intervention. I know she'd do it without batting an eyelid or hesitation

Probably my mum, and my sister. Currently they live together. Although Panda is nearly old enough that she could make her own choices, I would hope she'd stay with the rest of the family ... DH's parents could take them too.

DF's sister and her DH, they dont have kids but are both great with them. We decided this from early on but dont have it on paper.

My ex-husband's sister and her female partner.

My parents are close to 70, my sister is disabled, on welfare and has two kids of her own. DP's father is in his 80s and his siblings are in their 50s/60s and have already done the raising kids thing.

But really for me it's a question of values and my XSIL and partner have values most closely aligned to my own. We've discussed it but haven't as yet formalised it on paper.

This is something we need to put in our will and dh and I agree that it'd be his dad and his partner 1st and if not them then my parents and if not them dh's mum. We choose his dad and they have more of the same beliefs as we do but hardly any money, that's ok as we would leave DS a huge amount of money with our life insurance. My parents are they are retired but still young and active and they have lots of money and a great lifestyle and love their grand kids but they aren't quite on the same wavelength as us with their core beliefs. DH's mum would still be able to look after DS but isn't on our wavelength.

My best friend and her bf, known both of them since we were 13, they are DDs god parents. I know should anything happen to us they would do an amazing job of raising DD how we would have raised her (*touch wood nothing happens*)

Have to add that this completely offended my mother, so you have to be prepared for people who you dont chose to get their noses out of joint a little bit

Ummm i really have no idea i would say my brother his 6 yrs younger than me and his gay so its very unlikely he will have children unless he adopts and i dont think he would, but me and dh would never agree on that i cant say honestly i trust or even have someone whom is similar to me to choose i know dh would say someone in his family but they all have 3-5 kids each already and still going..
Also they dont treat my kids the best as it is and im alive imagine if i wasnt there to defend them..

so if anything happened to us tomorrow i guess our kids would be caught up in a big s*** fight

if it happened when our parents were young they would most likely reside with my mum full time in our house and as the inlaws are planning on travelling they would essentially see the kids when convenient for the kids.. Ie take them on holidays or come and stay with them.. Other wise they would most likely go to Dh's brother and his wife.. they have 1 child, financially secure. While I don't neccesarily agree with some of the things they do they have similar values to us and a little strict but also caring and since their DD has gotten older they are less strict. (they were super strict before ~ RAAF people) (RAAF + royal australian air force) but I think if it came down to it we would let the final decision lie with the kids. Esp our 3 oldest as I think they are old enough to decide to a certain degree..

Nothing is on paper but has been discussed

We don't have anything on paper, but it would be any of my 3 brothers (Whoever was in the best position to take them at the time). As long as the kids stay together. It was actually my DH's wish that my family take them, not his, if anything was to happen to us. When we do actually put it on paper, it will also state that the inlaws are allowed to see them when they choose, same as they do now.

Our children would have to go to Italy with either MIL or one of my SIL's. Both my parents are deceased and I have no relatives. The only other family DH has here is his brother but SIL is alcoholic so no go there and he's aunts and uncles are older.

Regards,
Dianne

This is a huge and horrible thing to think about - but so important!

I agonised about this with my DH, we have yet to put it in our wills, which need to be updated now anyway. I think tomorrow is a good day to do this. Thank you.

I would like my twin sister to be the guardian, she has similar values and her husband is lovely. She has three gorgeous girls of her own, the two younger are the same age as mine. Given my sister and I are identical, genetically she could claim my kids! (and vise versa). My biggest concern is financial. I would hope that our estate would be enough to provide security for them and make sure not to financially burdom my sister.

Of all our family, I would not burden our parents. And our other siblings just done make the grade (as much as we love them!).

Stay Safe everyone

They will go to Charlotte's godfather (this is the major consideration for us in choosing their godparents.)
And failing that, they will go to DD2's god parents. (Or rather, who will be her godparents when she is born - but they don't know it yet, cos we are waiting til she is born to ask them lol)

My brother is single as is my sister and neither are in a place to raise a family nor do they necessarily possess the skills/values I would like my daughters raised with. Godfather does, and is much more like us, is stable, has raised 3 children, loves DD to pieces and would be honoured. That is why we chose him.

We think the ILs at this point. Their home is set up for our two already, they spend lots of time there and it would be comforting to them.

But if it happens 5+ years on, we're not so sure - the ILs are getting on in years!

My parents are not in a position, financially, physically or logistically to take them.

My sister and BIL would love to but ATM are living with our parents so not possible.

BIL on the other side is financially best placed but is not ready for the burden of kids.

That leaves their Godparents - might actually be the best option!

But we need to sort it out soon and put it in a Will!