Worried ds is more than just sensitive

Not sure where to start or when these types of behavior become more than just sensitivity and shyness. Also, if it's not normal, what could it be?

Ds has always been sensitive but, it's becoming more and more noticeable and extreme as he get older and his language develops more.

He's becoming more shy around people and won't join in many play activities.

He's started biting his nails, I think as a reaction to anxiety. I can't get his hands out of his mouth, his nails are bitten right down.

Things bother him intensely. He'll be sent to near hysteria over almost nothing. Tags on his clothes, socks not on correctly, a drop of water on his top. Yesterday he was in hysterics because I spilt a couple of drops of milk on the ground.

He hates anything out of the ordinary. He notices everything.

He has a huge food phobia. He eats close to nothing, toast and pasta ( has to have blended sauce) is just about it. He freaks out if I don't blend pasta sauce because he says it has stuff in it.

I'm just feeling really hopeless at the moment because I cannot make him happy no matter what I do. I don't know if this is my fault because maybe I've given in to him too much? Because I was so anxious when he was younger?

Heaps more things but I'm in my phone so I'll have to come back.

Any thoughts would be much appreciated.

Laura xx

Laura, have you heard of sensory integration disorder? All of what you are saying is very similar to SI. We have a thread Aspergers/Autism/Sensory Integration... in Children with Special Needs.

Don't let that scare you... SI can affect everyday life, but with help from OT's that specialise in it, you can get huge awesome results. Matilda's story can attest to that ;)

Lucy did a bit sticky regarding it: https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...cessing-149891

His behaviours sound a little ASD (Asperger's end of the spectrum). As a teacher, I saw lots and lots of ASD children, but I am definitely no expert. ASD children generally respond really well to familiarity and routine (wearing the same clothes each day) and don't like things to be different (like the boy who ran away because a teacher marked his work in blue pen and not red pen like he was used to). They tend not to pick up on social cues. They have definite favourites and can become 'obsessed' with one thing or find it hard to tune out small distractions (like an itchy clothes tag or a whirring fan - a real problem in a hot classroom!). I'm not sure how old children have to be to be recognised though, he could be way to young for it to be that, it might just be a phase. I'd see your GP, just to be on the safe side. Oh my, I sound like I'm trying to worry you, please don't think that. I am by no means an expert, though ASD children were always my favourites to teach so I made an effort to do some extra training and reading on the subject, that's all.

I know a child like this whose mother is very relaxed. So it probably isn't you. Some children are a little antisocial. Again, very little to do with the mother. I had a child who would ask me to go visit someone - anyone! - in the afternoon because he was very social and I am not so much.

My son used to get very upset about mess. He tidied up after me. He would cry if I spilt something. He refused to join in messy play at nursery. He would have hysterics if his clothes were dirty. This from a vomity, pooey baby! Now he's the one who likes mess, mud, rolling in the dirt and getting all his toys out on the floor to build a toy tower.

Children do change, but if you're very worried about his anxieties see if you can talk to him and find out how he's feeling. Don't feel that giving in to him is a bad thing, but start to introduce him to new things in a controlled environment so he can feel safe while things change.

I can't see where you are, hun, but if you're in Sydney Macquarie University run free programs and services for kids with anxiety. I have a gf whose little girl attended because her anxiety was concerning. I'm not sure how she went as she moved away, but the initial stuff helped Mum understand much better. It might be worth checking out. Have you spoken to your GP about this?

Your DS sounds like mine...including the nail biting (but I blame myself for that...I'm a biter from the age of 3....but I'm not an anxious person...he copied, and now I hate it!). I am not 'worried' so much about my DS...I can see it's part of his personality, I just have to learn how to nurture him better.

I've started taking DS to a playgroup...he's the eldest. We've just moved. He doesn't really talk to any other kids or get involved, he just wants to drive around in a car. Heaven forbid if anyone else wants a turn...he tells me he is 'angry' at other kids who want a turn. THEN, on the other hand...when the singing comes on at the end....he's into it...social, holding hands, singing out loud...which surprises me. He goes from one end of the stick to the next.

I think if you're worried, then perhaps go to your GP.

He sounds a lot like how my DS used to be.

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Things bother him intensely. He'll be sent to near hysteria over almost nothing. Tags on his clothes, socks not on correctly, a drop of water on his top. Yesterday he was in hysterics because I spilt a couple of drops of milk on the ground.

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My DS had mega meltdowns over the tags (cut them all off!), socks still cause a panic sometimes (BUT THEY ARE TWISTED!!!!), there was a time there when basically anything set him off. It was not long after he turned two when it was most apparent. He would not play with other children, or leave my side at playgroup even though we had been going since he was a little baby. He also was/is a nail biter and flapped his arms when he got agitated. I was thinking it could be more that just his personality.

But then: Just around the time he turned three, he suddenly went from being shy and reserved to super confident. No longer sitting away from the crowd - now he is dead center. DH and I have been amazed. It all happened over a couple of months. Not sure why but I think a lot of it was the confidence from starting kindy and staying by himself - seemed to be a massive boost to his self-esteem. So now he is very social and not at all worried about new situations/people. He is still....highly strung....and the little things can still tip him over but if you had told me a year ago that he would be this way now I would have laughed.

So it could just be a phase, something that will correct in time.

Thank you all so much for your replies. It's really good to hear both outcomes.

Went to my gp today, we spoke for so long. Heaps of things popped into my head that hadn't previously, clicked as being similar to the other stuff. Him being overly sensitive to smells that I can't even smell, picking up sounds etc. I felt awful saying these things, like saying my boy isn't perfect when he is, perfect in every way in my eyes,regardless. I was sure to tell her how he often plays very normally ( what's normal?!) too.

She did think his behavior warrants an assessment for autism spectrum and anxiety. She also said that even if he's given the all clear with these things, it will probably be really helpful for me, to learn ways of parenting him. So, I've got the referral and she's meant to be a lovely doctor. I'm scared to ring though, because I'm scared if what might be the outcome. I don't want my boy to have to go through anything in his life, I want his life to be easy. I know that sounds kind of silly, nobody has a perfect life. it just pains me to think about.

Anyway, I guess I should try not to worry about things that I don't know yet, it's just hard though.

There's all kinds of perfect, hun. ;)

I'm glad you went and spoke to your gp. My son has and had very similar issues , he has Aspergers.

I agree whether he does or doesn't getting some tips will help make yours and his life smoother.
I have to say my son is perfect . Nothing has changed we just handle things better now
Who says they haven't got it perfect and its us that are all confused about what perfect is.

and I agree I am sure your son is perfect too.

Some of us mums with ASD kids go through a bit of a grieving process when we get the diagnosis... grieving the "normal" child.

I agree with tan though.... they are still perfect, just a different sort of perfect ;)

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He's started biting his nails, I think as a reaction to anxiety. I can't get his hands out of his mouth, his nails are bitten right down.

Things bother him intensely. He'll be sent to near hysteria over almost nothing. Tags on his clothes, socks not on correctly, a drop of water on his top. Yesterday he was in hysterics because I spilt a couple of drops of milk on the ground.

He hates anything out of the ordinary. He notices everything.

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OMG this is my DD 5 year old! I might google sensory disorder.....

I don't have any experience with what you are going through. But I just wanted to say I'm sorry that you are having to go through this. It sounds like you've done a very positive thing by getting your GP's advice...And wether it just be a cautionary course with assessments etc, at least you'll have some answers & be able to get the help you both need....Goodluck to the both of you

Just thought I'd update....

I have our first appointment next Wednesday, it's just with me first time and then the next day we start we start with ds too.

Not sure what to expect. Any advice?

It's been a hard few weeks. Ds has been getting really upset. Losing it mainly about mozzie bites and 'hurts' that I can't actually see. He won't go in the bath without a huge fuss because it will hurt the hurts. Mind you, he's ok most of the time once he's in. He's been getting upset when I leave the room. We've had lots and lots of crying here.

Dunno, I'm in two minds, maybe it's something and maybe it's just me overreacting? I do know that I'm finding this really difficult and extremely draining emotionally.

Just bumping before it gets lots amongst other threads ;)

Just interesting if anyone can let me know what to expect from the assessment. Especially in regards to ds. What will they do? Will they deliberately make him uncomfortable to see his reaction? I have no idea how he'll react at the time, it's so variable, from shy to completely losing the plot.

Oh darling, i have no idea what to expect etc but i just wanted to offer hugs!! :hug: this is a hard time for you guys! Jut remember, no matter what is discovered, your little boy is still perfect and always will be!

Praying for you and your little man!!

Can anyone help?

Oh and with the test, i am sure they know exactly what they are looking for even if on the day he is more relaxed etc... They would be doing these tests on all kinds of people everyday.

It depends which part of the assessment you are doing. There will be an interview for you and then several assessments for your DS. Assessments for DS will normally look more like playing, normally with only the OT on their own and perhaps the multi-displinary team watching from behind glass. They'll normally introduce different games to test different areas and watch how they play and interact with the toys and with the assessor. They will do things to try and get a reaction, but ASD assessors are very on the ball and will know that these kids have different reactions to different people at different times. They might do some IQ tests, vocab reception tests etc, but only if there are blank areas they need filling in.