How do you accept it...

I have been thinking about bub (my angel 14-11-2006) constantly just lately. And i am so lost and keep going back to the one thing that some inconsiderate person said when it all happened. "She's all upset but she didn't even know it was dead, she doesn't even know what it is" it's true... i don't know what sex my baby was and i never will and for some reason that's making it hurt even more... This all makes no sense and i can't seem to make it i was just wondering if anyone else feels the same about not knowing the sex of their angel? I feel like i'm being ridiculous asking. But it just hurts missing bub so much. Then i don't even know if they were a son or a daughter...

I know exactly how you feel Jessey, I have 4, lost at 6 weeks each time, so too early to find out the sex. Recently one of the lovely ladies here suggested we give them unisex names, and it has made me feel SO much more at peace - I knew they were people, but now I have something tangible, and I can tell people their names.

As for that horrible comment - some people don't learn from example, they have to go through it themselves. That person sounds like the latter, so I hope they never find out, the death of your child is not something I would wish on anyone :hug:

thank you Keike, that is a wonderful idea about the unisex name. I just don't know how to bring it up with DP... the last time we talked about bub was the anniversary of the day we had found out bub had passed (so 07). And he made it very clear he doesn't think i should talk about our loss...

They are beautiful names you have chosen for your babies :hug:

Sorry your little bubba couldn't be here. It hurts so bad. You will always think of your little angel. Don't let people tell you that your not a mumma, you are. No matter if your 4 weeks preg or are carrying a full term bubba. When I lost Zach I was heartbroken and then people had the nerve to tell me I wasn't a mum and that zach was barely formed so couldn't live outside me, therefore wasn't living... That nearly killed me.

My advice to you is to choose a unisex name and grieve your loss properly. Go on a babymoon for your bubs edd. Every year the day zach was born 18.6 (a day before my bday) my DH and I go out and do something that little zach would have wanted to do... I miss him so much never stopped loving him and the hurt will never go away but he will always be protecting me. His mumma.

Xx hope this helps , if you need to inbox me im always here x


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I am so sorry for your loss and even more sorry that people are so insensitive...

I haven't named any of our angels (maybe I will one day) but I went through the grieving process & I think of them everyday. I am even starting to talk more about my losses (something I avoided unless on BB or other forums), which has helped. I am contemplating getting a tattoo that will symbolise my angels. I know of some people who have planted tress or the likes in their gardens. I think you need to find out what you are comfortable with doing to honour (not sure if that is the correct term) your angel.
I am like Keike - all our losses have been early hence we don't know of the sex but I went to a psychic after I lost my first two and she said they were boys...

OHHHHHHH that persons comment has really got me wild....so i wont say exactly what i am thinking.....lol....Does this person have an actual clue, have they had a child themselves or been through similar situation..if it were me i would tell them to keep there comments to themselves. You poor thing

You can name you're little angel or just call them you're little angel buy a teddy (i have an angel bear with wings) and grieve for them the best way you know how. There is no set time to be ok with a baby passing....

melzi & RhiChiChi - thank you :hug: really, thanks

Melster - no this person really has no idea i hope she never finds out what its like, cos its horrible.

Its nice to hear i'm not a raving lunatic like everyone tries to treat me whenever i even mention my angel... I feel like i'm the only one that remembers.

I too chose a unisex name, as you can see by my sig, and my forum 'alterego'. You aren't wrong for wanting your baby remembered and acknowledged. I said to myself a long time ago that if people got uncomfortable or shifty when I mentioned my loss, then that's tgeir issue, not mine.

When it all happened, my first thought was 'how do I go through the rest of my life never knowing if my first child was a boy or a girl?'. I still don't have the answer to that question, but I promise acceptance and peace will come to you in time. There is no set timeline for these things. Do what you feel is right for you to immortalise your baby's memory. I have a birthstone ring, a small garden, and the name.

:hug:

Thank you. Yet another beautiful name for an angel. All the best for your upcoming birth :hug:

:hug: Thanks hun. I hope some of what I said was helpful.

I know the sex of one of mine and not the other, it messes with my head! Sorry you are still suffering!

:( sad to hear so many others are hurting for the same/similar reasons. But also kind of nice to know i'm not alone or "being ridiculous"

Big squishy :hug: to you all thank you for letting me know i'm not alone x

i feel a little bit that way about my m/c as well. Mine was at 7 weeks, so too early to tell if it was a boy or girl. People tried to make me feel better by saying things like it was really early, etc, but i still knew i was pregnant for 3 weeks. up until the day that i miscarried, i was walking around with symptoms, like a tiny bump and morning sickness, etc. and apparently the heart starts beating at 5 weeks, so it was still a 'living' baby you know? i think the idea of unisex names is a great idea. and :hug: to you, im so sorry for your loss. sometimes its hard when you feel like everyone has moved on except you. hope you choose a name that helps you feel better ;)