Need some advice for DS12

My friend's son and DS12 have been best friends since grade 4. His friend has been fitted last week with a back brace, he has scoliosis. DS is really loyal he told me he would stick by his friend (DS was worried he would get teased) so every recess and lunch they walk around the school as his friend can't play sport anymore. These two boys are the most sportiest kids I know. Last night DS told me it's getting him down as he can't play with some new friends he has made and he is really missing not playing sport. I suggested maybe he could stay with his friend at recess and play sport with his other friends at lunch or vice versa. He said he can't because no one else will stay with his friend and he doesn't want him to be alone. I don't know what else I can suggest to DS. On the weekend he showed me his brace and I had to hold back my tears, the poor boy has to wear his brace 20hrs a day, he can't even get out of bed without help, it can't be easy for him.

Regards,
Dianne

Oh thats horrible! Poor thing!
What if the friend umpired whiles your ds played games? Not playing all the time of course, but no point getting two kids missing out on the fun.
Well done though to your ds.. such a supportive friend!!

Great idea Tali, thanks.

Regards,
Dianne

Aww, no advice Dianne but I just wanted to say what an awesome & courageous DS you have! I wish I had friends like that in school!

Good suggestion too Tali!

I was going to suggest the same thing, have the friend involved in the sport in some other way - team selection, scoring and umpiring etc etc. Have they just started at a new school or are they in Grade 6? Starting at a new school will make it harder, but if he is with many others that know him and know that he was really into sport perviously may make them (the other kids) want to help out too...

I also just want to congratulate your son on being such an AWESOME little (big) man - so many kids will have have ditched their friends. It cant be easy on your sons friend either, having someone that is willing to stick by him must help alot - he must be finding the adjustment so difficult, not just physically, but emotionally too...

Good Luck, this will be a difficult time for your son as he will feel so torn between wanting to go and have fun and being loyal - his friend will know this too

They have started Yr7 this year and altogether there are 4 children from the same primary school so it's been a big adjustment.

Regards,
Dianne

Dianne, what an amazing son you have. I also have scoliosis (and about 3 other 'osises) and wore a back brace 22 hrs a day from ages 13 - 18 years. I was lucky in that i was more into music not sport (i.e. things i could do standing or sitting mainly but i did have to do exercise everyday. I particularly loved swimming so would do that in my hour off at night. It takes a while to get used to the brace both physcially - as your skin gets tough where the plastic rubs (like on your hips, under the chin) - and emotionally - having people look at you and stare. It's physcially exhausting too maintaining the posture constantly.

I don't know what forums kids get at school to talk to a group, but i did a couple of group assembly talks when i was at school about scoliosis and found that people were more helpful when they were informed and educated about what the brace was all about.

It would be interesting to see if your son's friend have to wear it the whole day at school? Can part of his rest break from the brace be an hour at lunch, say, so he can run around and make friends too?

It's wonderful to see that your son is such a mature and supportive friend. Good luck!

Your son is a truly special person Dianne. It takes a lot of courage to go against the crowd at 12 and show that kind of loyalty and strength of character to do what's right.

Would he be able to talk to his friend about how he's feeling? If they've been best mates since Grade 4 could your DS explain that he wants to hang around with him, support him etc but he also wants to play sport every now and then too. His friend might not realise how it's affecting your DS and might be quite ok with him playing sport at times and spending time with him at other times. How long does he have to wear the brace? It's usually quite a while I think so your DS might be able to talk about that. He's not just giving up sport for a few weeks. This could be a situation that goes on for months and if your DS keeps going the way he is it will cause problems in the friendship down the track. I'm not sure how he tactfully and supportively discusses that with his friend but if sport is off the menu for a while, they will have to re-negotiate their relationship. Sometimes it's better to do that overtly from the outset rather than wait.

I also thought of getting the friend involved from the sidelines.

It's a tough situation and will depend on the maturity of his friend too I think. I hope he can resolve it so that everyone is reasonably comfortable.

RoyalUk thanks for sharing your story. He will be taking off his brace for PE and he also plays basketball out of school so will take it off then also so that will be his 4hrs for the day. He's having trouble at night as it's very hot but next week he gets some holes drilled into it so his skin can breath.
~Kaz~ he will need to wear it until he is 21 so a very long time.
Thank you all for your advice.

Regards,
Dianne

Dianne, thought Tali's idea about umpiring is a great one. I couldn't think of it myself. But, wanted more to say how terrific your DS is. What a fantastic young man, and wonderful friend. I have no doubt, that he is one of the 'biggest' 12 y/o's around. Congratulate yourself on raising a fine young man.

DS told me the sweetest thing, apparently today they had a chat and have worked out that they can play downball, as long as there are no low serves :clap:. So I think they are actually working it all out together.

Regards,
Dianne