Parenting Advice please! Im at my wits end..

I have a DS who was wonderful as a 2yr old but since turning 3 in November (his first HUGE tantrum was on his b'day) has just become such a handful and I just have no idea on where to from here. :wall:

He spreads his toys through out the house & wont clean them up... So the other day after yelling, threatening to smack & actually smacking him on the bum after counting to 3, I decided another tactic was in order. So told him I'd throw all his toys in the bin if they weren't picked up. So after giving him time to do it, which he didn't I went & got the plastic bag & started putting his toys in it & the little bugger actually helped me put them in the bag for the bin... Now when I ask him to pack up his toys he says "just put them in the bin!!". grrrr
If I tell him (I no longer ask him anything b/c he just kept saying "No") he now says "I cant"... :wall:

This behaviour is doing my head in.. His starting peeing in his jocks, his no longer dry at night & back in nappies, his behaviour is just having such a negative impact on our whole family. I didn't even take them too the park today so his older sister missed out because I just couldn't be bothered w the fight :(

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect him to pack up his toys...

Any suggestions/ideas please, I just have no idea what to do with him..

I have a 2yr old who turns 3 in November as well as she is the same! Have u tried to turn the cleaning up into a game? A race or when you drop the toys in making a funny noise, or a find game ie can you find the dog and put it her etc?

They all go through that and it is so hard when they start refusing to co-operate. I have a nearly four year old now and I am still struggling to figure out how to best manage it. I agree with mel, turning it into a game works most of the time. I also find that talking to them about what I want before we play helps as well - "After we play with the toys today, we need to pack them up" or something along those lines. They seem to be more mentally prepared for how it needs to happen if I talk to them about it before we start playing etc. You could also try getting them excited about what is going to happen next - 'As soon as the toys are cleaned up, we are going to watch Playschool (play a game/colour in/go outside).' Don't use it as a reward for cleaning up the toys but it is something exciting that will happen as soon as the toys are cleaned up - if it takes half an hour to clean up, then no outside play before the toys are cleaned up but it will happen anyway so it is not a reward, just something to look forward to. Also try just asking them to clean up one thing. We have a ball pit that we often clean up by counting the balls as we throw them in. Sometimes you might have to start cleaning up and playing by yourself and he might start participating afterwards. It often happens like that in our house. Sometimes a change in direction is a good thing to. I have sometimes stopped and asked my kids if something is upsetting them - and sometimes they are upset about something and that is stopping them from helping and as soon as we talk about it, they are able to move on.

I have also tried giving consequences to my toddlers when they don't help and I have to say, it backfired on me big time. My DD ended up in time out one time and she spent so long there with me in and out talking to her, she didn't end up cleaning up any toys (we were at my parents and my mum tidied up). She got what she wanted - not tidying the toys even though it meant she got in trouble. I was miserable, she was miserable but learned how to get out of doing things she didn't want to. I still struggle to get her to help and have to remember that if I am calm and stay positive, she usually responds much better. Sometimes she still refuses though and it is a struggle to stay calm but I feel better about myself if I do.

Have a few strategies up your sleeve because nothing will work everytime. It is a process. You will figure out what works for you and what you feel comfortable doing. It takes time and I still find myself struggling to know what to do next when I have a toddler that is flatly refusing to help. If all else fails, take a time out for yourself and come back and try again.

The good news is that my DD1 is now at kindy. I have talked to her about pack up time at kindy and she helps because all the kids help tidy up at kindy. She has been lots more willing to do things at home because she does them at kindy too.

I wish the solution was simple ... good luck with your DS :hug:

I do races and usually let DS win (he is a very bad winner so I win about 5% of the time, just to show him it's OK that other people win). We race to get dressed in the morning, race to the car, see who's the best at putting things away (when he doesn't help I congratulate myself loudly for winning and tell me that I get to pick the DVD... going for Ghostbusters next time as DS now loves all vaguely appropriate musicals and cartoon Spiderman. He tidies up, he picks the next game. (He knows if he doesn't tidy up a big game, the next one isn't allowed out - really hard to put in place and involves banning certain toys for the rest of the day: Brio was naughty to come out when Duplo is on the floor, Brio goes on time out until tomorrow where you can't reach it.)

As for the loo, I am so laid back I've gone past horizontal and am now... well, laid out flat. The horizon has a slight bend to it. Once DS realised that he had to clean himself up, put the poo in the loo himself, get clean clothes on himself and DH and I just didn't play the attention game (but gave lavish praise for going on the loo) then he finally stopped being sporadic about the loo. Now it is just normal (thankfully, as he would go up to a stranger and announce that he did a "sausage poo in the loo" whilst out and about) and we get on with life with a bit of praise.

One thing that works for us is something I have done since DS started walking. I count down from 5 and if he hasn't done as I told him, he is picked up and made to do it (be it come here, pick up X, put Y away, ask Daddy a question...) then gets me not wanting to play with him. He runs to do as he is told by number 4 now usually. He was almost in tears because DH didn't stop counting when he started to do the action the other day - I had to explain the counting stops when he starts doing as he is told, not when he has finished! Going back to "baaby discipline" really helped with us, it may help you too.

I also threaten to take away his toys if he won't take care of them. It still works for now, but I fear it's a bit hypocritical when Daddy leaves his stuff everywhere too (though DS delights in telling him he's very messy). He flat out refuses to tidy his play room though as he "likes to walk through the toys". Whever he has touble walking to the bookshelf in there or falls on somethign and hurts himself I remind him that it would be easier if he tidied up... to no effect.

Talkign about what we'll do after does seem to help motivate him. And we give him a 5 minute countdown to changes in activity (and cleanups) so he knows what's coming (just like daycare, which helps I think).

Good luck!

I find it helps my ds if I give him some direction on what I actually want from him. My dh was 'telling' ds to pick up his toys and put them away. ds started getting frustrated, saying he couldn't do it etc etc and then chucking a tanty. As soon as we explained what we wanted from him.. eg "please put all your tools on your tool bench" or "pack all your thomas tracks into the train drawer"" etc etc instead of just saying clean up your mess, he did it without any hassles.

We still have days when all he wants to do is whinge (sometimes, excessively) and carry on, but mostly, if he is given some sort of direction he is fine.

Good luck.