Printable View
I'm getting really nervous as the birth of my 2 boys approaching at a very fast pace! As you all know my darling angel baby was a boy and since then I've had girls so I'm nervous what my reaction to take home boys will be like.
Should it be any different that they are the same sex as Anthony? I've longed for a boy since he passed, I know deep down he can never be replaced but I think in my mind thats why I've always wanted another boy, now I get 2.
Hey there :hug:
I apologise if this all comes out a bit scrambled.. its a hard thing to talk about sometimes :hug:
I think it will be a hard thing for you to do.. i lost both a boy and a girl, and then had a boy and a girl, with my first son though- i lost him very early (18weeks) so he had no distinguishable features really, so i didnt really physically have anything to then compare my son to. With my daughter however, i had lost Zahra at close to full term, and i was astounded by how much DD looked like her sister! It made sense of course, but it still shocked me. I did find those first few months hard. Especially when she was sleeping as i had only ever seen her sister "sleeping" so that was hard. I did even have a slip of the tongue once or twice and almost refer to her as Zahra. I think its hard too that you had hopes and dreams and ideas about how your angel son would be and grow up, and now you will have two boys who may or may not look the same, or remind you of your angel. It brought back to me what i had really lost when i lost Zahra, and i kind of grieved all over again.
Sorry that i cant come in and say "no dont worry it wont effect you at all" but its not the truth, for me anyway.
I am sure that whatever emotions get brought up for you, you wil be ok though. You will have two gorgeous babies to love and you will be ok, but yeah, it might be hard and it will mean a bit of emotional understanding :hug:
Thank you for your honesty that actually means a lot more to me than people sugar coating it. I guess I know its not going to be easy, even to this day I'm still an emotional mess over it of course I have my really happy days but just those days where you dwell on what ifs and maybes
:hug: Thats it, all the what ifs and maybe's become right there in front of you. :hug: I am here if you ever want to talk xxoo
It took me about 6 weeks to bond with DD. I just couldn't believe I could give birth to and keep a living baby girl. I took a while to overcome the fear of loss and losing her. In the end I made a decision to love and embrace every moment with my precious girl. I have no control over where life will take us, I can only control how I feel and I choose to embrace every minute with the blessings I have and not dwell on what I have lost and what I could lose.
Its blinking hard hun.
I really struggled the first 3ish months part of it was because of the normal newborn stuff but I had a lot of demons I hadn't faced after losing DDD (dearly departed daughter).
I found out her sex early on so I had some time to get use to the fact I was having another girl straight away after losing one but I hadn't thought about how it was really affecting me.
I SHOULD have gone to see someone but I didn't and gradually over time it has been easier to deal with but I have a very different kind of sadness now. Every milestone I DD1 makes I wonder what DDD would have been like.
I miss DDD SO much but I am ETERNALLY grateful that she sent DD1 to us because she is perfect. If DDD hadn't left, DD1 wouldn't be here ... it all worked out JUST how it was meant to in the end and thats something to be rejoyced.
Nae x