Printable View
Not sure if this is the right place for this. Sorry if it's not... but... DH and I are looking to TTC at the mid/end of this year for bub#2. I've always pictured having 2 or 3 kids but now we have 1, I feel really guilty about having another baby. I feel like I would be taking so much away from DD. I know in the long run it will be good for her to have siblings but... i don't know.... does anyone else feel/felt this way?
DD1 was 7mths old when i found out i was PG with DD2, i was shocked, it wasn't part of the plan and i was worried i wouldn't get the time with my little girl.
Now seeing them together i wouldn't change it for the world, DD1 is so caring and attentive and DD2 would follow her around for days just to get a bit of attention.
There are days i wish maybe i had of had that little bit more time with DD1, just as a family of 3 but honestly being a family of 4 is just as good, she gets just as much attention now as she did before, only it's from me and her little sister :)
From what I've heard, it's completely normal :D
I know when I think of TTC I get a little pang of guilt that my son's life would never be the same again! But then I remember how much he'd love a sibling. That mummy guilt just gets us all the time doesn't it!
I'm really wanting to TTC for another one but DP wants to focus just on DD for a little while long so im thinking maybe at the end of the year will be a good time for us to start. I do feel guilty for having such thoughts but i love her so much i want her to have a little brother or sister to play with
I am feeling that way at the moment - everytime DS (16 months) curls up to me at night (he still co-sleeps half the time) and cuddles up to my huge belly, I look down and he still looks like such a little baby when he's asleep. Makes me feel guilty for having another so soon and taking the 'baby' title away from him, iykwim. They just seem to grow up so much faster when they're not the youngest anymore! :(
I never felt that guilt. I would think if anything the guilt would be for the younger siblings as they will be sharing you from day 1! The first child is the only one that gets you all to themselves for a while :)
In reality, I don't think anything was taken away from DS1 at all. We still co-slept til he was ready to stay in his bed all night, he still even breastfed for 7 months with his sister :) We all sat together to read books etc. I dunno, we just didn't have any issues of him attention seeking because there was a new little person in the house. He wasn't ignored or told to wait all that much.. it's amazing how you can carry on with things when bub is tiny. You get good at fetching food, drinks, toys etc with bub attached to the boob LOL.
Fingers crossed we have the same with this next one ;) Different age gap this time, so it'll be interesting!
It is normal to feel like that.
But when you look at the fact second and subsequent siblings never have that real one on one time and they still thrive.
You will still be there for her and all of you will have another little person to love :D
Hi Nel.B
I read your post and the first thing I thought was, if you are feeling guilty, why have you made the decision to TTC again so soon? Is there any reason you want to get pregnant again this year rather than wait until next year? Maybe waiting might help you feel better about it?????
I think that's the question you need to ask...Maybe deep down, part of you isn't ready (which, by the way, is absolutely fine and normal!!)
All the best, whatever you decide to do :)
n2l
I felt exactly the same when we TTC DD1 and even when i was pregnant, even through labour and when she came home. But you know what. My DS absolutely loves DD. They are bestest of friends, they spend every day playing together and laughing together. Especially with DD2 now here. It really makes my heart melt how much he loves having her around. So where you may feel with a new baby you wont be able to give your DD that 100% attention, just remember they dont stay babies for long. And in the early days they sleep most of the day anyways. So for me having DD was the best gift i could have ever given DS.
[QUOTE=Liz;2722081]The first child is the only one that gets you all to themselves for a while :)
/QUOTE]
That's how I try to look at it too. First born child gets so much of Mum & Dad all to themselves so we shouldn't feel guilty for giving them a sibling :hug: but don't worry, I do know what you mean, I'm sure most of us, I know I have, felt that way at some point or another.....
I'm 9weeks away from giving birth to our 2nd and now I'm just excited! Although I do have my moments some days where I feel a bit sad it won't just be me and DD anymore as we've been buddies for 2yrs just the two of us at home etc doing things together but then I focus on the positives of adding a new baby to our family and what that will bring for us all. :)
Age gap will be 28mths so I've had some time to enjoy DD just on her own too which was what we had planned.
I felt guilty after DD was born and it really shook me because I didn't expect to feel that way at all. It was very overwhelming. I felt guilty that DS wasn't my baby anymore even though he was still a baby, guilty that I had to share him, and guilty for feeling guilty! It got better over time and DS and DD adore each other and I still have my one on one time with each of them which is so valuable and I cherish it.
Why is it good for children to have siblings? If you don't want to inflict a sibling on your child, you don't have to.
Having said that, I don't mind inflicting siblings on DS - when he's a bit older, as he's not the sort of little one who can cope with a sibling, especially a younger one, and if I have another like him I want the age gap to be biiiiig. Is your daughter ready for a sibling? Will she be in 9 months' time? Some will, some won't.