Discipline for 14mth old

Firstly, apologies if I've put this thread in the wrong spot.

My beautiful 14mo DD is learning about discipline at the moment. We've been doing the "ah-ah's", "no's", distraction techniques, and sometimes, a little smack with one finger on her hand.

On Monday, my Dad observed me telling her over 20 times not to reach for something, with all of the above, firm tone to the voice etc etc. Tried to distract her repeatedly, but to no avail. He said she is wilful (more like stubborn like my DH!!;))

Anyway, the major problem I am having is her not responding to the "no's etc", for really bad behaviour. The worst of the behaviour is the smacking of my face, and earlier this week it was my Mum's face she smacked. Repeatedly, after being told "No", "naughty", "ah-ah", distraction etc etc. Smacking of my face, and smacking of a fully laden spoon (even when she is hungry) are the two really bad bits of behaviour.

Any suggestions?????? I reallllllly don't want it to escalate. I don't think SuperNanny visits Australia:o So will be very, very appreciative of any suggestions you may have.
Thanks.

Those two behaviors are our biggest problems here as well... I've been told that there's little that can be done at this stage beyond what you're already doing - it's an issue with immature impulse control rather than wilful disobedience. Other behaviors that are more thought out can be adjusted somewhat but the knee-jerk responses like slapping in response to frustration etc take longer to modify as they have yet to develop the skills to find alternative outlets for those feelings.
This is what I an going with at the moment anyway - I think my DP disagrees and you may too.

I think at this age distraction is really the key, she is exploring the world around her and will continue to do things that you might think are naughty, but its often just a toddler being a toddler (I know that may sound like a bit of a cop out but seriously this is what they do!! )

If she is continually reaching for something she shouldn't - can you physically move it or her away rather than just try to distract - I have found this works a treat with DS (out of sight out of mind type of thought process)

With regards to hitting or smacking faces, I would put her down on the floor or move out of reach to remove the opportunity for her to do this. At this age, she just wants your attention, she doesn't care whether its positive or negative attention TBH. We've found that if we limit our use of the word 'NO' to when it's really important (eg safety issues etc) it is much more meaningful, and then the other tactic we take is distract - either with something else to gain DS's interest, or like I said, remove him physically, eg take him to another room, or the other side of the room, it generally only takes them a moment to forget and move onto something else :)

Going back about 4-5 months ago I was getting REALLY frustrated with some of the 'naughty' things that DS would do, but I actually found that changing MY attitude and expectations of DS helped me have more patience and understanding of why he did some of the things he did (that would annoy the cr*p out of me previously) and am now able to divert him to behaviour I want with lots of positive language rather than always telling him off (I was starting to feel like a nag and felt like every second word out of my mouth was no, now I might use it a couple of times a day tops - eg when DS is pulling phone chargers out of power points etc)

I read a book by Dr Christopher Green (the updated version) called 'Toddler Taming'. There is lots in there to take or leave - eg I'm not into CC so I skipped the chapters referring to that, but there is some awesome stuff in there about reinforcing good behaviour rather than always feeling like you are telling them off for perceived poor behaviour - I found it great, and it was such logical stuff :)

HTH

Toddler tactics by Pinky McKay. Full of useful ideas.

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Toddler tactics by Pinky McKay. Full of useful ideas.

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Got that one too, awesome book also :)

:shakehead:my nearly 15 month old is doing the same thing atm.
but i have found i just need to stay consistent with him and surprisingly the penny has dropped.

when I say No or arrgghh at him and he keeps doing whatever it was (usually it's pulling at a power chord) i will give him a couple of chances to stand down himself or I go and remove him to another part of the room. I put him down (he cracks a huge tanty) and then go over to the toy or book box and say "oh look what mummy is playing with, this looks like much more fun, can you help me?".

so sort of trying to be firm but then follow up with a bit of distraction.

I really do think at this age, they are very hot and cold with discipliine especially when my boy doesn't have many words so he can't say/tell me if he's mad etc

For awhile we felt like our efforts were in vain but i must admit this week has been heaps better and if i say NO firmly and give him a stern look, he stops, thinks and mostly goes off to find something else to play with.- i then say good boy something positive about what' he's playing with/how he's playing.

so my advice is to stick with what you are doing and always do it. Mind you, we haven't got our DS to stop hitting mummy in the face yet :shakehead:

im reading steve biddulph (sp) atm too and am really liking what he says about be firm but loving

Our solution was
"out of sight, no longer a problem"
e.g using MANY baby gates, coralling off trouble spots, putting ANYTHING breakable, dangerous, etc either IN areas she coudln't get past baby gates, or in locked up high cupboards.

i don't think you can expect a child so young to understand yes and no, so i took the temptations away, wherever possible.

Hitting the nearest person with their cutlery, either the person moves away (stops playing the game) or take away the utensils (so she can't hit you with the fork). Let her eat with her fingers. Or use distractions, sing eating songs.

Like another poster, we kept the FIRM NO for the really serious stuff, like, hitting, carparks, roads.

I find with the smacking face, I say gentle hands and hold his hands if he does it again I put him down and say that hurt mummy and step away...he usually lets out a bellow but I give him liek 20secs then pick him back up if he hits again I do the same thing but he gets put down and told gentle hands

other things I tend to say no we dont do that and walk away,, so rather than let him touch the tv 20 odd times he does he once I say no we dont do that and why and then distract

Just be consistent and keep up the good work :) They will push every button they can. The distraction technique is a good one as others have said - a firm NO, removal of any offending items :D and then a complete change of voice and "Look what Mummy's got over here" etc does eventually work - they hear the difference in your voice and usually tend to prefer the 'nice' voice and reaction rather than the 'angry' one.

I personally don't agree with lots of cornered off areas/baby gates and removal of EVERYTHING - just breakables and dangerous stuff. I don't think it teaches them anything if everything is locked or blocked away from them - my SIL & BIL do this with their 3 year old DS and 1 year old twin DD's and have done since DS was born - and although it's fine and dandy when they're at home, whenever they go to anyone elses home or out in public they go on a rampage, pulling EVERYTHING out of everywhere and touching everything in sight they're not supposed to - my house always looks nuclear when they've left and that's WITH the parents running around after them trying to stop them. I think it's easier to teach them not to touch and respect what they can see. But that's just my opinion...each to their own ;)

The Science of Parenting is an awesome book too. Your toddler isn't being "naughty", her brain just isn't mature enough to make the links and realise what she's doing isn't what she should be.