she only feeds and cries herself to sleep - not good! Oh and we don't nap either!

Hi,

I have a 6mo who will not sleep.
It is a MAMMOTH task to get her to go to sleep.
She will only feed to sleep, and if she doesn't want to do that, will cry and cry. Note that I am NOT doing controlled crying or anything like that with her, she is in my arms just wailing, while I am trying - unsuccessfully - to soothe her, until she just collapses into sleep.

I have tried putting her down in her cot when she is calm with music etc, but she just "thumps" (she flexes up both her legs and then wacks them down on the bed). I did think this was due to colic, but I think it is more of her technique to wake herself up (you know how some people will shake thier head?) as she has done it after being quite relaxed and drowsy and of course wakes herself up.

I had been wrapping her, but had to stop for her day sleeps when it got too hot (as she would just get so hot and sweaty and it was very hot here), but now also that she is that much bigger, it is something more for her to fight against and the wresting with the wrap seems more stimulating than settling.

So after listeining to cries for as long as I can bear, I offer her the nipple and two or three sucks and she goes off, but unless she is really exhausted will wake up as I put her down.

She will go to sleep in my arms - I used to wear her, but now am finding that I *need* to put her down as she is too heavy to wear all day and I need to get things done.

I am also panicking as I have to go back to work soon, and I know that if she can't get herself off to sleep at day care, there will be some level of controlled crying involved - if only by the necessity that they may be involved with looking after other babies.

She will go to sleep in the car, but then other times she also fights it too. But even if she is asleep, she wakes when I get her out of the seat anyway.

Her day sleeps are about 30 min and she will have 2 or 3 of those, but she does sleep right through at night (only after the mammoth effort of getting her down though), but I really think it is utter exhaustion that makes her sleep right through.

I am desperately trying to establish a routine, but she is so random in when she finally will go down.

I have been to our local (read 2 hours away) family care cottage, but that didn't really make a difference, and I am considering going to Tressilian, but the nearest one is about 4 hours away, and DH wouldn't be able to go.

I am not even sure what I am asking, but any help and suggestions would be appreciated!

:hug: it's tough having a LO who fights sleep!

i know my DS was a challenge until he got to about 10 months & it's really only become far easier in the last couple of months.

DS also fed to sleep & i found the easiest way to get him down for a nap was for him to have it on our bed (with a fortress of pillows on the floor etc). that way i could either lie down to feed him to sleep & then it was just a matter of stealing back my nipple when he was asleep or him dropping off. if i was holding him to feed him, then it meant it wasn't such a drop to put him down, unlike the cot.

in the end, DS moved to a single mattress on the floor of his room when he was 9 or 10 months old & even though he hasn't fed to sleep for a long time, i still lie down nexty to him while he's drifting off.

maybe not ideal, but it's certainly taken away the naptime stresses! i also found (and still do!) it easier to resettle him during naps this way.

we haven't used daycare, but when DS has been looked after by my MIL, she has always been able to just hold him until he goes to sleep, or close to it. he never ever let me do that so they definitely adapt to different methods when with different people - maybe at daycare your DD won't have the feed/sleep association that she has with you & won't get too upset with something different?

It is so hard, isn't it? My little one does very similar stuff.

When we are home, I have found lying down to feed to sleep helps when she really needs a sleep. I do it either on our bed or on a mattress on the floor. The cot is on one side of our bed so she can't get off and i put pillows on the other side. I do have to go in straight away when she wakes though cos i am scared she will crawl off the bed. When she falls asleep, i creep out.

I know what you mean about it being hard to establish a routine cos she is so random in when she will finally go down. For now, i am just going with the flow again cos trying to establish anything is just painful for both of us.

Have you left her with those who will care for when you go back to work yet? I have recently started back at work, only one day a week, and so far it hasn't been as bad as i thought it would be. One day when my LO was staying with friends who have 2 year old twins, she played all morning and then had a 1.5 hour sleep!- and this was without boob! She has not had a nap that long for about 6 months for me. The next day she is suction-baby but i am ok with that.

Is you going back to work the reason for trying to stop the feeding to sleep? You might find that you can continue to feed to sleep when you are home (if this is what you want), and she will be ok with a different routine when you are not there. All the activity at daycare, might tire her out for a sleep too. What is day care policy in helping bubs to sleep?

I don't really have any advice for you, sorry. My DS was much the same. His day sleeps began to get better around 15-16 months, while his night sleep improved after about 18 months. Since he was around 2 he's been mostly putting himself to sleep and very often sleeps through the night.
We had no routine till he was nearly 2, just couldn't be done. I'm just telling you this to give you some hope :)
For daycare, try not to stress about it. Despite all our issues with sleep, it always seemed to work out ok :dunno:

It really is so hard with non sleeping little ones, hey :hug: I know its not mcuh reassurance but they do all get there in the end. DD is a non sleeper, at 6 months would scream and scream in my arms and I would rock and rock and cry and cry some more. Try your hardest not to stress about it cause that just makes it harder and more frustrating. easy to say, I know, Im such an anxious and stressful person so I do feel your pain on this. For the first tim ever DD put herself to sleep about a month ago, it wasn't consistant but it happened and I promise your DD will get there eventually :comfort:

Daycar won't do controlled crying. They're not really supposed to, and it's not really practical - with so many babies in a room, there's always someone asleep, and CCing would wake up the sleepers. Everywhere I've worked babies have been comforted to sleep, even if it's just a hand on their tummy. Babies who have been "trained" using controlled crying are much harder to settle than comforted sleepers, in my experience. And the increased activity might well tire her out, and you may even get better sleeps at home the next day.

You've got heaps of good advice, so really, I just wanted to reassure you about the childcare thing. Good luck...

oh hugs darlin, you seem so frustrated xxx

Excellent advice above, so all I have is a question...

When she's kicking her legs, is she crying or upset? DS does the same thing in his cot (well he used to, now he's in a brace he can't) but he was 'happy' as he was doing it. I think he liked the 'bounce'. Now, this question might be nowhere near helpful, so sorry if it sounds like me going narny-nar, but he used to kick happily in his bed and then fall asleep. Sound familiar at all?

DS was very similar. For the first 5 months ALL his day sleeps were in my arms, basically on the boob. If I tried to put him in his cot he would just scream. I found eventually I was able to feed him to sleep then transfer him to our bed, with pillows all around him. After a couple of weeks of that I could then lie him on our bed and he would roll and talk etc,, but would then fall asleep, but only if I was next to him. Once asleep I could steal away. After a while I could either feed him to sleep and transfer him to his cot, or sit next to his cot patting, singing etc, until he fell asleep. Now at eight months he mostly goes to sleep with me sitting net to the cot, but sometimes he even self settles!

It's so very hard and stressful, and I know saying try not to stress is so much easier said than done, but I know for me it was only when I stopped trying to fight it that he started improving.

So I don't really have any useful advice other than it does improve, and you're not alone xx

Hi ladies,
thanks for all your responses.

sloane - I think you are right about the feed/sleep associations, as DH can get her to go down in the evening in about a minute! With me, it takes about an hour (or more) to get her down during the day. I do sometimes try to put her on our bed during the day (especially when I have to do things in her "room" - really a corner in our room), but more often than not, I find I end up going to sleep too! Yes it probably means I need it, but I usually wake with a start, which then startles her, so I am really trying not to do that too often unless I really do want to have a nap that is - usually our 4.00ish sleep)

HotI - I haven't as yet left her at Daycare, but I do plan on it, just haven't been able to bring myself up to it yet! That is reassuring what you say though, thanks.

Mad - I just clicked on the link in your sig - just what I needed to hear, thank-you!

Lilydust - yep, I am an anxious person too! trying not to be though. I keep saying that DD is here to teach me patience and to go slow, but I only keep saying that when I am "coping", of course I forget it the minute I feel stressed!

Audax - thanks for the info re Daycare. I do plan on asking them about sleep when I go there next, I just can't summons up the courage to go there yet - makes it all seem too real and I don't think I am ready for it yet. I know, I must pull my head in, because on one hand I am stressing, but on the other hand I don't want to face it! :shakeshead:

Krystals - she does do the leg kicking when happy, sometimes on her play mat or when she wakes up (yep in response to being out of the pavlik harness) but when she does it in her cot before going to sleep it really is out of frustration.

Lise - good to here your little man now settles, there's hope for us yet! thanks!

mmm.... I guess I'll just keep at it. I really wish we had a bit more of a routine though, even if only for mummy's sake!

I totally forgot to say that DS really only started to improve after we started taking him to an osteo (he had really bad reflux). Not sure if it's something you'd consider but I definitely attribute the improvement in his sleeping to the osteo. Just an idea... xx