do most kids settle into childcare eventually?

hello,

my little boy is 14 months old and has only ever been looked after by my parents, which happens alot, so much so that he nearly prefers my mum to me! he doesn't pay me any attention when i drop him off at my mum or dads, he is 110% fine.

he has just started childcare and has been twice, but only lasted about an hour. the first time he was quite upset, the second time he was upset by not hysterical. my plan of attack is to have him go to childcare on monday, wednesday and friday afternoons and start off leaving him for an hour, and gradually increase the time.

does every child eventually settle into care? they say he is doing well and it just takes time. i am hoping that he eventually likes to go, and that by the time he is 2 he is running in and having a great time... do you think it will happen? i just need some positive stories or advice.

i think starting him at only an hour at a time is quite a gently approach and won't stress him out too much. i 100% trust the centre and am very happy with the carers. i feel i'm doing everything i can to make it a smooth transition. would love to hear some tips or advice or just encouragement.

thanks in advance :-)

Sounds like you're doing all the right things to help him settle in. Doesn't make it easier for you though, does it?! It's HEARTBREAKING walking away as they cry. My DD was 11 months when she started and would scream as I walked away and then cry for 10 minutes or so for the first 5-10 drop o***. (I'd then go off and have a cry myself). Then it went to brief tears (no screaming) and a bit of 'mum, mum, mum' but they said she settled within a few minutes. Now it's all I can do to get a 'goodbye' - ie, she's off playing with something and I go and sign her in, put her stuff away and then go to give her a kiss and she looks at me like "oh, you're still here?!".

I guess you just have to use your judgement (and work with the carers) in deciding how much distress is 'too much', and how much is just going to be an unfortunate part of helping him to settle. I was confident in the carers to make the call if DD got too distressed - and they affirmed this by calling me back early once when she seemed unusually upset and didn't settle in the usual time-frame. You know from leaving him with your parents that he can separate so there's a good sign that he should be able to adjust to this new scenario. Fingers crossed it happens very soon for you both. xoxo

On average it takes about six weeks for a child to settle into care. By leaving him three days a week, you (and he) will find it easier then a child who only attends one day a week. Would mornings be better to leave him (if possible) he may be happier (or not so tired) then. He may also be fine for a week or two then regress before settling easier again.

I'm a family day carer, and have had a new little one start at the end of Jan. Only this week he came in without tears. The last few weeks he has been crying when mum gets him out of the car. He didn't cry when his mum left, but when the next mum left. This little guy is now 18 months old and in care 2 days/week, so yes it can happen.

thank you, i am going to persevere.... he actually is upset on and off the whole time i am gone, not just when i leave.... that is why i am only starting with one hour at a time, as i don't want him to get too distressed.... it isn't a case of him becoming fine 10 minutes after i leave, i am looking forward to when it gets to this point, i hate thinking about him being upset the whole time i am gone...

he goes in the afternoon because he actually gets more tired in the morning at the moment.... he goes at 1pm and usually wakes from his nap at 1230pm and then we squeeze lunch in and then we are out the door to childcare....

when he starts to have his nap later in the morning, ie closer to lunch time, i will switch him to the morning session....

i suppose its just a waiting game, i feel like i'm doing everything possible to help him... perhaps i'm expecting too much too soon.... its only week 2, lol...

I had a bit of a disaster with my DD when I tried to start her in a CC centre. Before that she had been going happily to family day carer with 3 different carers (at different stages) but I needed care on a day when the carers were not available. She was so upset and the anxiety leaked out to general anxiety, clingy behaviour, and problems sleeping. No way was I going to persevere for 6 weeks of that! Luckily for us a family day care place came up a couple of weeks later. Just sharing this story because I do feel there is a level of upsetness that indicates that maybe that care situation may not be the best one for your child, and if that's the case there are always alternatives. :)

Don't be afraid to have a few visits where you do stay with him too, allowing him to develop a sense of security in the environment as well as getting to know his carers and peers with you there. I realise you can't always stay, it defeats the purpose, but to ease into it it can help as they establish themself within the room. When you pick him up, if he is upset when you get there, if you can take the time to hang around and have a play/song/story etc so you end the session on a positive note, it will help. Then his last memory of his time there will be a positive rather than a negative. Doesn't mean he won't get upset next time, but every little bit helps.

Some children settle in, some don't, I hope it all goes well for you both!

Doll, I'm sorry I don't have too much advice for you, because I'm in the same boat as you. My 15 month DD had her second day at family day care yesterday and was again hysterical the entire time except for when she passed out from exhaustion. My carer hasn't been very flexible about letting me stay much or only leaving her for an hour or two. And the carer herself doesn't sound optimistic about DD settling. So I don't think it's going to work out for us. It's good that your centre has been more flexible. I think most kids do settle after about 6 weeks but the odd one doesn't. Good luck with it. Would love to hear how it goes.

Hi there, have you tried staying with him for a play? Child care centres aren't very 'natural' and the strange environment can be quite unsettling for a baby, if he had you as a safe base so he could explore the new environment and get familiar before being left alone maybe the transition would be smoother? The short visits are great, I wish we could have done that with our DS. Its very early days so I wouldn't stress yet.

If however in a few weeks, your gut says 'he's not liking this!' (and you know him best), get him out try again in several months or somewhere else - he's too young to be stressed out!

My DD started daycare when she was just over 18months - even when she finished before she started school she would still ask if I could please stay with her. Some days I would stay a little while and settle her down more - but that worked better once she was older.

Once I was out the door though she would have a great day and wouldnt want to leave when I arrived to pick her up!

I would say it probably took 6 months or so when she first started to not be making me want to cry my eyes out once I got back to the car - I hope that you get through it ok - one day he will love it but he will probably always miss you.

Good luck with it!!