Challenging??! That doesn't even begin to cover it!

My DSD has been causing a lot of problems at school. I can be really really awful here and say: thank goodness she's living with her mum!

She has been assessed by the children's mental health agency and her mother has been told that they do not consider her to be a high risk mental health child and recommended that she see a counsellor rather than a psychologist.

She has claimed that she's tried to hurt herself however these are unsubstantiated. She's also claimed that someone raped her (only to admit later that she made it up and then got into a fight with one of the other girls at school over it). She also claimed she was pregnant and the latest is that she's a lesbian. She also told one of her teachers that her brother was in hospital in a coma - which he's not!

In a nutshell she likes the attention that she gets when she makes these claims.

She was suspended from school for 3 weeks and has only today been let back. She is forbidden to go near the senior school and is not allowed to associate with anyone from there, she has to sign in at the front office each morning, is not to go to the toilet during class time and has to have a weekly meeting with the counsellor.

Her mother has spoken to her about her coming to visit or stay with us and she only responds with "maybe later".

Can I just say, I don't know if I want her to come stay with us. Is that completely awful? My DS is doing really well in school. He's in year 11 this year and, in all honesty, he doesn't need her disrupting his life. DH and I also work fulltime and there is also DS2 (who's just 1) to consider.

As I type I feel completely awful about my attitude: "I don't want her to disrupt our happy little family" attitude. She's learnt lying from a master: her mother - even the things she's told us about DSD we take with a grain of salt - who's lies and actions have alienated herself from her own family.

I want to be supportive to DH and I've told him that I would welcome her into our lives but that she would have to play by our rules and our number one rule is no lying.

Does anyone have advice to offer should she come to live with us?

Only a little bit of advice I'm afraid, but plenty of hugs and understanding :)

At the ripe old age of 21 I somehow wound up step-mother to a 14 year old stepson and 8 year old stepdaughter while pregnant with my DD. Queue their mother having a hissy-fitting breakdown, deciding she couldn't deal with the kids anymore and they could come live with XP and I for a while. Stepson was fine, actually quite easy to get along with but stepdaughter was a temperamental, manipulative little ****.

The only thing I could do was to stick to my guns about acceptable behaviour and make sure that XP backed me up 100 per cent. Sit down with your DH and discuss what is absolutely not-negotiable (lying) what might have a little wiggle room depending on circumstances and what is up for negotiation. Then sit down with your stepdaughter together or with the family as a group to discuss this, making sure everyone is aware of the expectations and also the consequences for non-compliance. That way no one can say they didn't know or wasn't told.

All the best hon, hope it works out for you all.

Thanks for the advice. It sounds exactly what I would feel best about doing. Also, congratulations on your BFP. :)