Not my finest 3.5 hours of parenting...

Get into bed after a LONG day of whinging and tantrums. Almost asleep. DS wakes up. Dammit!

Patient at first. Feed him for 40 mins. Put up with the nipple pinching and twisting. Finally asleep. Put him back in his bed. Wide awake again. <insert swear words>

Get him up. Fix his bed so it's ready for him when he resettles. Feed for another hour. Not quite so tolerant of the pinching and twisting of now very sore nipples. Tell him off a couple of times. Restrain his hands. Cover said nipple while he tries to uncover it and continue pinching. Does nothing but keep him awake trying to get to it. Get more frustrated. Finally seems like he's asleep put him in his cot. Wakes up again. ARGH! Make him lie back down, probably a bit rougher than is ok and attempt to pat. Fail. Give up and leave him there crying. Feel awful. Go back 3 seconds later and get him up. Tell him off again. Feel worse.

Distinctly intolerant now. Extremely tired and grumpy (both of us). Try feeding to sleep again. Wont stop wriggling. Smack his bum. Still wriggles. Eff it. Let him sit up and feed that way. That's ok. But not going to sleep. Finally decides to lie down and feed. Give up on stopping him pinching nipples. Goes straight to sleep.

Now I dont want to put him back to bed. I want to hold him or wake him and tell him I'm sorry. Sorry I'm not a better mother. Sorry if I hurt him. Sorry that I made him cry.

He deserves so much better than me.

Oh sweetheart, you are not a horrible mother. We all have moments like that. I remember a couple if time when I've felt so horrible like you describe and I've ended up sleeping with one of them just so I can cuddle them to try and make up for my grumpy moods.
One night if you being frustrated is not going to effect him I promise. He knows you love him. Hugs
Xxxx


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk so forgive spelling mistakes :)

:hug: i know the feeling... You are no way a horrible mum, its a lot to handle and we cant be 100% great at it all the time.

:hug: he still very much lobes you and probably doesnt even remember!


Sent from my iPhone so sorry for the spelling and punctuation!!

Oh I've been there! :hug: you're not a bad mother. In the morning, he's not going to remember. To make it up to him (but more you) do something wholey and soley with him for him. You're undivided attention. xx

Know that feeling :(

You are definitely not an awful Mother :hug:

Hugs xoxox

Your not a horrible mother, and you know how i can tell that without knowing you?!? Because your on here really remoreful and feels bad, a horrible mother wouldn't. Go easy on your self xoxoxo

:hug: you're a wonderful mother, that's obvious to me :hug:

Been there, done that... :hug: DS is not sleeping well ATM and if I get out of bed, he is more likely to be hurt by my words or resentful attitude than if he grizzles a bit in his cot so he stays in his cot. Of course I get him if he's upset... But when he's just awake and whingey, it's better if he stays in his cot and I stay in bed.

:hug: :hug:

You're not a bad mummy.

Thanks ladies. The thing that upsets me most is it's not a once off. If it were I could just get over it, I think. But it's not, and I dont know how to change it. I'm ashamed to admit it but it's true.
I probably smack him on the hand or the bum at least once a day because nothing else works. He refuses to lie still for a nappy change, he refuses to listen when I ask him not to do things, he deliberately moves form one thing to the next that he KNOWS he's not allowed to do. He has heaps of freedom and heaps of toys but he'd prefer to go around being naughty. I KNOW he understands when I ask him not to, because some days he listens, but more often than not he ignores it or does it more. I know he has very little impulse control and it's not his fault, I know this is normal 2 year old behaviour. I used to care for them for a living FGS! Why can't I have the same patience for my own child as I did for 10 other little people?
It's my issue, and I dont know how to fix it :cry: I said I'd never smack unless it was a life threatening situation and now I do it every day. So much for gentle parenting.

It's no wonder he never comes near me when he's upset.

Oh darl :hug: this is such a tough age isn't it? I try very hard not to smack Moo but in the last couple of weeks, I have to admit that he's gotten a few on the hand. I feel so terrible afterwards & the guilt just about eats me up. I am so over being belted & kicked during nappy change, not being able to sit down for 5mins without him dragging me off to play etc. I've yelled at him quite a bit lately too which makes me feel just as bad.

Not trying to take away from you but just want you to know that you're not alone in how you feel. Is there any way you can get a few hours by yourself? It sounds like you really need a break :hug:

A break. What's that? lol

It is nice (not nice to know your feeling the same but you know what I mean) that I'm not alone. I honestly feel some days like I am abusing him :cry: Because I yell/ smack him/ make him cry so much.

big :hug: as someone else said, a bad parent wouldn't care and wouldn't feel guilty. You are a wonderful mum and I'm sure he is not going to be scarred for life! I know how hard the sleep thing is, although you're doing better than me and persisting with him..I just give up and put DD in our bed and I dread the day when DF says no that really is enough, make her sleep in her own bed...

I yelled at DD just this morning for knocking my cup of tea over, then left her standing in the kitchen crying while I was cleaning up the mess :( I felt so awful afterwards and it was silly to be upset with her, she didn't mean it and it was an accident..sometimes I think we just react instead of thinking about the reaction first, which I can't imagine is an easy thing to do! :hug:

:hug: H&Z!! you are not a bad mum, and he loves you more then any little smack and stern word!..

Dont be too hard on yourself babe we are all abit guilty of getting to that "ive had enough stage". I hope you feel abit better now, and know that you are the best thing in his life :)

HUGE HUGE :hug: :hug: So been there :( I'm pretty sure that makes you human not horrible! :hug: