When you think your world is perfect.... but it's not.

I'm a 28 year old who has a healthy happy 3 year old son.. Before June 22nd last year, I thought life was pretty perfect. That was until I had a missed miscarriage.. That day I had booked into the hospital, and got a referral for an ultrasound so that I could finally see my baby..

As I was laying there on the chair and the guy was looking at my baby I knew something was wrong. Last time I was pregnant and I had an ultrasound, they show you the baby.. "look there's the heart beat" "there's the baby's head".. etc etc..

So I asked him, "what's wrong" to which he responded, "You need to speak to your doctor"

After an anxious and long day, I saw my doctor who told me what I was not hoping for.. "it looks like your pregnancy is not viable" So it was off to the hospital for a d&c...

I waited 9 months to try again for a new baby.. I thought I was ready. I had a new job (the promotion I was dreaming for), a clean slate and I was feeling good..

I found out I was pregnant on the 25th March.. I cried... I cried for the baby I had lost last year and I cried for the baby that I had brought into this world. I was so afraid that this would happen again. I went to my doctor and explained to him all my fears.. I realised that I had brushed the emotions from my previous loss under the rug and moved on and this new pregnancy had made me feel those anxieties all over again..

Slowly I pulled myself together and began to be happy.. That was until I went for my first scan.. I was so scared that they would tell me something was wrong.. I was 7 weeks pregnant and I couldn't wait to see that little heart beating.

I didn't get to see that heart just yet.. The lady told me that I was about 5 weeks pregnant.. I was so confused. I cried and cried with the thought that I had lost another little angel..

I was told to wait a week then go and have another ultrasound to see if the pregnancy had progressed. Exactly a week later I went back to get another ultrasound. This time I got great news. I was 5 weeks and 6 days pregnant and I saw the tinest little heartbeat.. I was so excited. I went home on cloud nine... My doctor rang me to say how happy he was and he would see me in a couple of weeks...

It was Friday morning when it all came crashing down.. I got up after sleeping in. My hubby had gotten up with our son and gave me some time to sleep. I kissed them both good morning and went to the toilet.. As I sat down I heard a 'plop' in the toilet.. I looked down and there was blood everywhere.. I called out to my husband to tell him to get our son ready, I needed to go to the hospital.

We got to the hospital and they took me straight in. After some blood tests, two ultrasounds and a lot of waiting.. I was told what I already knew.. I had miscarried again. This time there is no luxury of a d&c... I have to have this one come out naturally..

Each time that I go to the bathroom I am reminded of who I have lost and the life that I will never know.. That was yesterday and I am just devastated...

The doctor suggested I go to see a gyno to see what is wrong but told me to remain positive because I have a healthy child.. To be honest, it's what keeps me strong. I have him to hold and love until I can share that love with another child... hopefully, one day...

I don't know if hearing my story would help anyone, I know it feels good just to write it and to acknowledge that it happened and not sweep it under the rug.

Thanks for reading.. And to all those other woman who have suffered the loss of a little angel.. Keep your heads up high, for our babies were too beautiful for this earth.. We will see them all in our dreams and in our hearts. You are mothers in every sense and you know that one day you will hold them in your arms again. Lots of love to you all..

Mx

I'm so sorry for your losses... It must be very difficult for you.

And welcome to BB xx

So very sorry for your losses :hug:

Regards,
Dianne

Welcome to BB mahee.
I'm so sorry to hear of your losses.
You will find plenty of support here, and talking certainly does help.

Thanks ladies.. I go through the motions at the moment.. I cry, I laugh, I hide... I'm hoping that one day I can hold a new born baby in my arms again. In a perfect world right?

Mx

I'm so sorry.
Thank you for sharing your story with us, I really hope your wishes come true

i am so so sorry for your losses :hug: i had a natural m/c at 7 weeks, and it was so hard to get through, especially because no one knew i was pregnant, and then i had to explain to everyone why i was in hospital.....

i'm thinking of you, thank you for sharing your story and i really truly hope that the next time is a sticky bub. all the best xoxoxox :hug: :hug:

:hug::hug::hug: lots of hugs. so sorry for your losses.

I'm so sorry hunni, sitting here crying for your little ones and my own. Big hugs :hug:

im so sorry for your loss :hug: talking about it will help you feel alot better and to know your not alone will make you feel even better again

welcome to BB wish it was for better terms, although here you will find support from those who have been in your same situation!

Thank you for sharing your story, I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your two little angels. I had two consecutive losses prior to DS. I can relate to your anxiety and the unbearable pain you feel in your heart. I am pg again now and am petrified I will have another loss, I have been sleeping DS in our bed each night since I found out I was pg again just because he is the one thing that keeps me grounded atm. Give your DS extra squeezy cuddles, again I am so sorry to hear of your losses.... and the circumstances for your most recent loss you must be quite shaken and upset. Sending you a million hugs.

Im so sorry to hear of your losses. I unfortunately share your experience as I have had two m/cs in a row within the last year. I know the pain you are going through. I was so shocked it happened a second time, especially because I had never had any problems with my first two pregnancies. All I can say is cry as much as you need to and let it all out. I still have moments like this when it all gets too much, but these dont happen nearly as often anymore. Huge hugs to you and I hope more than anything your next baby is a sticky one.

huge hugs babe..

Its the hardest part of children is trying to get through the 9 months to get that beautiful miracle at the end...
I too, know the loss of m/c and full term loss.. its heartbreaking and earth shattering, the effects leave a little eventually but its the constant memory that holds you.
I really wish you could have your angels with you, knowing the pain its not easy..
We are all here if you need anything, just ask.. or even PM.

Again huge cuddles hun... xox
Fly free little ones, please look after your mum, as she goes through the paces...

Huge hugs babe, im sorry for your losses :hug: I have a 3 year old little boy too :D TTC our second child has been a heartbreaking journey for us, i have had 3 miscarriages in a row, my last one was a missed mc. BUT i am now 17 weeks pg, and praying this one will stick. I went to a OB/GYN before i attempted to fall pregnant again and she put me on clomid and gave me progesterone support, and so far so good.
Good luck in your journey babe, im sorry for your heartache. You just remember that miracles do happen, just look at your beautiful son :D
Lots of love and squishy :hug: from me xx

Mahee - oh blossom, I am so so sad to read about the loss of your precious angels..... it's so hard to find the courage to try again after a loss, and you did it you brave soul, and now have to pick yourself up again.

I know it's hard.... like so many who've responded, I have a glimpse of your pain, as I have walked a similar path.

I am sorry that you also had to experience trauma with your most recent miscarriage.

I know in time you will find the strength and courage to try again.... but now? Now is the time for you to heal yourself both emotionally and physically.

Your angels are never far, just a heart beat away, they are in the gentle caress of the breeze on your face, and in every sunrise that you now greet, and in every sunset when you say goodbye to another day.

Hugs to your DH and DS...

Go gently.

I am sorry for your losses mahee

:hug::hug:

I'm so sorry for your losses. I truly hope the future holds wonderful things for you. :hug: