is day care the best possible option?

I hope I don't offend anyone posting this thread. It is not my intention. I'm just wanting to vent. About day care. About me as a Mum and my insecurities with relation to day care. Mods, if this thread needs to be somewhere else, please shift it. Thanks ;)

So, my DD is 3.5 years old. I'm a SAHM. I also have a 1 year old DS. We have a relatively good life, DP loves to play with the kids often and is very good in the home. He's a great provider too. I consider myself a good Mumma. I love to spend time with my kids and all the things I have to do in my day never takes me away from spending time with them, especially if they demand some attention from me.

DD started day care in February. I started her off two days a week initially on a Tuesday and Wednesday. She'd never been in care before, always with me. We never attended a play group or Mums Group. We do have friends with kids but not always going on play dates.

Initially, DD loved day care. So much so that she wanted to go all of the time, because she hadn't cried, I sent her three days. That lasted a couple of weeks and she was coming home absolutely tired. I went back to two days and Tuesdays and Wednesdays seemed to work fine, so I thought.

On the Thursdays at home, she'd be horrid. Absolutely naughty (I know there is one particular naughty child in her class that a few of the Mums have had issues with and I believe they are working with the Mum about this particular child and the issues brought up) - the Director of the Centre told me that, not the teacher. The teacher said that child was fine and pretty full on but all kids are like that. Fair enough I thought. DD has never really been a naughty child. Yes she has her days for sure!! But since she started day care, she's just been very different.

Ok, so I thought perhaps the two days back to back were too much for her as the teachers are pretty cruisy and even though I love her to sleep there (she has up to 3 hours at home normally after lunch), some days she'll just have none of 30-40minutes. By the time she comes home, she's so tired, naughty and out of control. So I changed her days to Tuesdays and Thursdays. This seemed to work a bit better, she wasn't so tired.

Now what to do. I'm thinking of putting her in just one day (the days this other child doesn't go), so Thursdays only. Next year, she's in pre-prep anyway and I have a choice of two or three days. It will be a proper kindy. I know there's Mums out there that do one day day care for some social interaction. I guess I'm just needing to talk about this. Initially I thought I was over-thinking this whole thing! But to be honest, I really would rather DD home with me every single day of every week than to put up with this naughtiness and horrible out of control behaviour. I realise she's 3 years old and they go through something. But it seems very ironic that it started when she started day care. I guess I'm just a bit all over the shop about it because I don't have to put her in but I guess I'd feel I'm letting her down on a social level if I don't keep her in. I know Mum knows best. Maybe that's why I give such a da*n about this! This is my child, I want what is best for her.

Are there any Mums out there that have felt like I have? Or experienced this sort of thing? I want my loving daughter back. She acts horribly for about two or three days after day care and then she returns to her normal, happy self again, that is what makes me think this day care business is a mistake! She's going to proper school hour kindy next year, I think it's 9-2.30pm or something. At day care now, she's in from about 8.30-3pm.

With regards to the teachers, they're pretty good. But I have witnessed a few things that I probably scratched my head about. Call me anal but when she has a little bit of a snotty nose, I will go and pick her up and it's dried, all over her face, sometimes, spread across her cheek. I realise there's two teachers to 14 kids and they can't always be there for each one at all times. Then another day, she was running around with her two legs in one shorts leg if that makes sense, that seemed strange that they didn't pick that up. Am I being petty? And she's always very sick, colds, vomiting bugs, diarrohea, you name it. And I give her inner health plus, vitamin C vita gummies and pentavite! Of course she brings it home and we all get sick :rolleyes: I guess it is good for her immune system now right!

Some of the teachers always look like they don't want to be there, like it's a bother and they're a little snappy at the kids, I understand their position, I do, some days, I'm not sure how they do it. But you just have to wonder, is DD in the best possible care (this was the 4th centre I did an orientation at and it seemed great).

Thanks for listening to me. Sorry to rant and rave on! :shakehead:

Hi megb,

I am not in the same situation as you. However, my DD does go to DC 3 days a week, on the days that I am at work. Personally, I think you could find a better DC. However, it is going to be your choice as whether you want to go through all that searching again, or if it is better for you just to keep her home until pre prep next year.

I really do think that DC can be a positive experience for all involved and certainly the DC that DD is at is really wonderful. All the children in her class get along well. There is consistency of carers and they are ALL keen to be there. It is educational in a social, emotional and intellectual way.

I know I probably haven't helped much, but to be honest I think you already know what you need to do, so listen to what your inner voice is saying.

Janie xxx

I think I remember you posting about this before? I hope you can get some closure on this soon it must be driving you crazy...

My personal belief is that daycare is for kids whose parents are unable to care for them personally during those times, be it for work, study, medical or other reasons. Some of my friends put their kids in day care for a day a week "just to socialise them" but I personally don't believe that's what it's for. If people do it, no problem, but it's not something I would do.

I just think back to when I was that age and we mostly had stay at home mums - we weren't in any kind of socialisation program before say four years of age, and we all turned out pretty fine.

So basically if you and your daughter are benefiting from the arrangement, keep it up, if not, can it. Daycare is an essential service for many families, and an option if people want it - it is not a required milestone in a child's social or other development.

not in your position but can I ask besides wanting some social interaction is tere any other reason you have her in day care, I considered it with my 3 and 1/2 yr old last year, very briefly then though nup he has enough years where he has to go to school

I'd personally pull her out enjoy the last year at home with her, if your worried she wont cope with kindy had the same fears but Jack settled in beautifully you'd think he had been going to some sought of daycare all his life, but he neever spent a day in care

Hi I am in the same position kind of. My ds1 is 3 years 9 months. And I have started him in daycare 2 days a week. I have 2 kids younger than him at home so he is loving it. I have to bribe him to come home. On the days he goes he comes home tired and cranky and basically foul. But he's pretty much his normal self the other days but then we do a lot of playdates and playgroup and swimming lessons. So he's used to other kids.

Even though he is an absolute pain in the neck on the days he goes I think its just a part of the process. It'll be the same next year when he's at pre-prep. I put him in though for more reasons than just social though. He only missed the cut off for pre prep this year by 4 weeks. Most of his little friends are in pre prep. I put him in because I think he needs the stimulation. I wish I could but with 2 babies as well I just don't have time to play with him all day. Honestly his behaviour is worse if he doesn't go because he gets bored. He was so ready for it.

One day a week will be fine for the social interaction if that's what you want. And I know what it's like to want to avoid objectionable kids. I put ds1 in opposite days than an actual friends little boy because o know he has a tendency to bully my ds. Not that I told her that was the reason lol

Oh and your not anal I pulled ds out of a daycare where I didn't feel the care was quite good enough, nothing major just little things. This other one seems a lot better so far.

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Hi there, sounds like you're not happy with the DCC she's at? I'm coming from a SAHM and ex Child carer POV. My DS started one day a week DC the year before he started Kinder because i was worried about how he would cope away from me at school. I'm glad we did,he has anxiety issues and has the odd panic attack, he took ages to settle at DC but we had plenty of time for him to go at his own pace. Kinder the following year was a little easier because of this i firmly believe. My DD is also an anxious little person who i couldn't take anywhere with me AT ALL, so i started her one day a week as much for me as for her. She's come a long way!
It's possible that your DD is picking up her naughty behaviour from the other children, or it could be that she is really tired from her day in care and acts out because of that, until she gets "caught up". The carers sound a bit underwhelming tho! The illnesses are unfortunately par for the course when children are around each other in big numbers, and starting school is often the same.
In the long run, there are arguments for and against DC, it's up to what suits you and your children. They won't miss out by not going, and if it's causing more problems than benefits for you (and she), it may not be worth continuing
Just my 2 cents worth hope it helps :)