Best approach for 'accidents'

So DD is 3.5 yrs old and DH and I ask her every 20 - 30 mins if she needs to go to the toilet for a 'big wee' :lol: - and she's pretty good at going when she needs too now. We've had a few accidents of not getting there in time, but I'm not too phased about those as she at least knew she had to go.

But what should the approach be when we've asked her and within 2-10 mins she's wet herself. I notice this only happens during times when she is engrossed in the TV :redface: or eating. I assume she's just distracted and hope its not her just being lazy? I mean, we've reminded her, she has said 'no toilet' in reply....what to do?

DH is getting fed up which I can understand. But I'm not sure if that is the right approach in these instances.....?

Ideas, experiences all welcome!!

Maybe at her age when she has wet herself get her to help you clean up the mess and rinse out her clothes. Might sound mean (and a little gross) but then she will hopefully realize that it is more work wetting herself then getting up and going to the toilet..

When our kids had poo accidents we would get them to help us tip the poo into the toilet and laugh at the sound it made (also gross but helps them find humour about going to the toilet) Then we would talk about how their tummies felt when they had to go and to try and remember that for next time..

Maybe before she sits to eat or watch tv take her by the hand and to the toilet and tell her she has to do a wee before she does such and such.. Or if possible put a potty in the lounge room. Personally I hated that but it was the only way we could get DD to the potty in time. The boys were generally good at getting to the toilet and they hated the potty anyways but DD was fine with it.. Eventually she wanted to be like her brothers and use the toilet

I found the best approach was to ignore it and just say 'Maybe next time'. If you make a big deal about it then they get anxious and are more likely to do it again.

Hi there :)

I have worked in child care for a long time. What age did she start toilet training? I just wondered as you said she is 3.5. If she has just started toilet training then that is quite common to have accidents. Usually they have to have control over their bladder as well as the thought process, you know understanding when its time to go. It does sound like she is just being distracted. A lot of the children at work will even be running around outside and have accidents simply because as you said to engrossed in what they are doing and they leave it too late. As long as you make it a positive experience and not give her in trouble as she is probably not meaning to do it :) You could try a reward system such as a start chart or stickers, though I wouldn't recommend treats such as chocolate or anything. Ask questions like 'can you show me where your wee goes?' This gives her the choice and it doesn't sound like an order. Anyway here is a fantastic website which I quite often give parents fact sheets from Parentlink - Parenting guides it has fact sheets on every subject you can imagine. Hope this helps you :)

I've heard some people suggest that if they are engrossed and the first response seems just like a standard 'no toilet', try and get them to make eye contact and ask again. Hopefully by asking twice they think about it a bit harder and breaking their gaze from the TV or whatever they are doing also helps.

If she's still just training and you need to ask her to go to the toilet, don't ASK her, take her. Say, 'Let's go to the toilet'. Not 'Do you need to go to the toilet?'. If she says she doesn't want to, then say, 'Let's just try to go. If you don't need to wee after that, that's ok'. Sit her down, I usually run the tap a little to see if they will go too, lol! (I usually need to go if I hear a running tap, and it works for kids sometimes too!) If your DD is weeing by accident, I would help her, though not totally, make her do most of it if she can, just be there to give a helping hand if she needs you to.
We are having issues in our house too, DD (who is four and has been trained for over 2yrs now!) has regressed a little and is having 'accidents' maybe every second day. And has started wetting the bed occaisionally too. Mostly since DS2 has been born, but I also think it's to do with DS1 toilet training and she sees the attention he gets when he has an accident. But the thing for me is that his accidents are accidents. Hers are attention seeking....so it's hard for me to differentiate, well not really hard to, but I feel mean. I will usually help DS1 change and clean up because he needs it, but for her, she can do it all herself, and because she has done it on purpose I'm reluctant to help her. Sounds mean though....anyway, off topic!

I generally said "oh well, come and help clear it up." If he denied needing to go then went in his pants, he has to clean himself up without help. Especially after a few months! Took us 5 months from him deciding that it was time to use the loo to having no accidents: a week after he decided, we were only really having poo accidents, which is why he needed to help clear up.