What do you do when they WON'T sleep?!

Had a long-awaited breakthrough a few weeks ago, when 18 month old DD started sleeping through most nights.

But now I think she's going through separation anxiety or something, because even though I BF her to sleep, when I put her in her cot, she sits straight up, like she's not tired anymore!
Then she cries for Dadda to come in - he can't leave. She can't decide whether she wants Dad to hold her, or me to BF her. She BFs for a bit, but then ends up coming off, wide awake, and wants Dadda again. This continues several times, with us going round and round in circles trying to get her to sleep.

We ended up coming out here to the loungeroom, and she's awake with Dadda, watching In the Night Garden with the sound turned off.
I guess she'll get sleepy eventually.....

Another failed attempt. I'm not cut out for this stuff.

The only thing I can suggest is maybe trying to pat her to sleep IN her cot as I found my DS would wake the minute I tried to put him in the cot asleep too!
We have turned his cot into a toddler bed now and put it right next to our bed (he used to co-sleep) and I pat his back to get him to sleep most nights. I still BF him to sleep sometimes as well but am trying to stop it as I have another bub coming soon.
I hope things get better soon x

:hug: I feel your pain! DH and I just spent the last hour and a half taking turns walking laps of DS' bedroom, alternating patting and rocking patterns until he finally shut his eyes... I don't really have any helpful advice sorry, but she will go to sleep... Eventually...

:hug: Well I'm probably no great help, but I've had one awesome easy sleeper and 2 non sleepers. In my experience if they're not going to sleep, they're not going to sleep. I have tried everything between the two and just end up riding it out. It's not you, it's just that they're all different. DS1 would sleep if I took him to bed with me though. Will your DD sleep with you? I'm a believer in it's not who's sleeping where, but who's sleeping! It's my only suggestion for you sorry. Worked for my DS1 but not even co sleeping gives me a full night with DS3. :goodluck:

:hug: :hug:

Could she sleep in your room for a bit? Just until she feels secure enough to go to sleep? You're right, it sounds like separation anxiety :hug:

Could you both lay in your bed with her til she's asleep, sneak out then mover her later?


Sent from my iPhone, more than likely while I should be doing something else!

:hug: it's so stressful when they won't sleep!

We've been through a variety of sleep dramas with our DD, so I'm always on the lookout for solutions. We've had similar to what you're describing, and took her out of the room and started again half an hour or so later with more success. With hindsight it's usually been related to teething or sickness or too much activity right before bedtime etc.

I've just been reading the no cry sleep solution for toddlers, which I'd highly recommend, and there are a number of changes I'm planning to make soon, primarily based around no longer feeding to sleep, which may be worth looking at. I expect it might be harder for a little while but hopefully easier in the long run.

Good luck with it!

I used to breastfeed on the bed lying down and then slid DD off and then gradually left the bed. We co-sleep so a Queen size gives ample room. I would try a toddler bed so she does not feel the movement and the loss of your body heat so quickly. We have only recently stopped bf to sleep but still stay with her holding her while she falls asleep. It is beautiful to watch her slowly slip into peaceful sleep land.

Good luck.

Usually I will rock him to sleep and then bring him to bed with me. If he won't sleep in his cot but will fall asleep in my arms then I take to opportunity to cuddle up to him and co-sleep, as he usually won't co-sleep any more and I miss it.

If my DD won't sleep, but is still reasonably happy, i usually ride it out in the loungeroom. The TV is on, but low volume (if it is just DD and I, I will turn it off). DD can cuddle or read or play with quiet toys. The noisy & energising toys get put away. This way i don't lose my mind battling with her when i can see she is not going to go to sleep. DD will often play or read and then when she is ready will snuggle up to DH or me and we know she is ready.

If DD is tired but just won't sleep, i will take her down to the bedroom and try to get her to lay down in her bed (it sidecarts our bed) and i will lay next to her and sometimes read my book (sometimes this is too stimulating for her). SOmetimkes it works, sometimes it doesn't. sometimes i fall asleep and wake to her crawling on me and giggling.

If she really really needs sleep (or i really need a break) i will try to feed her lying down in our bed and then sneak out and leave her sleeping. we are trying to transition her to her bed so this is not first preference.

We are picking up a single king bed for her this week which will make settling her in her bed more comfy for us.

Fighting to get DD to sleep just sucks and i end up getting angry and disheartened. I try to go with the flow abit more, while making slow progression in making sleep easier.

good luck

:hug: it's so frustrating when they won't sleep.

have you thought about a mattress on the floor? i used to BF DS on my lap (sitting on the mattress) & then put him down awake & cuddle him to sleep. now we're not BFing anymore & he's in a single bed but we still lie next to him.

i stopped feeding to sleep when it became hit & miss as to whether he'd stay asleep - i decided consistency was better so it seemed easier to always put him down awake. he was a bit cranky the first couple of times (but not distressed) & then was fine. it was actually easier than i expected.

we did also go through a stage where DS would quite happily lie with me but just wouldn't sleep unless it was DP next to him. now it's back to having to be me. we just go with the flow - as HotI says, it's ultimately easier than trying to fight it.

Is she in a cot with the sides still up? We found this was a big factor with DD. She'd fall asleep in our arms, or beside us on the couch, in a deep sleep, we'd pick her up and carry her to her room and she'd wake up and go bananas. This stopped when we took the sides off the cot, she went to bed willingly, we read a few stories and she knows that when her light goes out it's time for sleep. Only in the past three days has she slept right through the night, but we changed her pattern from not wanting to sleep in her room to begin with, to her going to bed quite willingly.

Sorry for hijacking, but Sloan, can I just ask how you stopped feeding to sleep? I am thinking of rearranging the room to remove the 'milk chair' and start feeding in the lounge room before taking her to her room and having a new sleep routine.