For those whose partners work away

How do you cope?

We are thinking about hubby going away for work, week on, week off.

I am extremely independent, not concerned about when he would be away, I know I'd be fine...

I'm worried about him being home for so much time at once! I'm worried about having a good routine when he's away, only to have him come home and have to change everything to suit him! I'm worried about how I'll feel about him having so much time at home while I'm working (only part time, but you get my drift). I just don't know how I'll cope flipping from one extreme (never home) to the next (ALWAYS home!!!)

Any experiences?

My DH works in the bush. He's only 250ish kms away but we don't have a routine for him to be home except for about 5 days of leave every 6 weeks. He comes home randomly between times. Well not randomly but he's a policeman in a bush community. He comes to town if he has a prisoner or if he has court or needs something from town - like food lol.

This isn't the first time we've lived like this so we (well the kids and I) are quite used to it. We have a very successful routine between the three of us, and a good little village around us for support. TBH when he is home for long (like he's just been here for 10 days) he gets in the way. That sounds awful, and I'm sure he means well, but things are much harder with the kids when he is here. He is so used to not having kids around anymore, and is (by choice) a very unengaged parent. The kids don't respond well to his style of parenting, and as a result he gets cranky and ramps it up and well it's a pretty yuck cycle.

I do also find that when he is home, he treats it like a holiday, and expects to 'do' stuff and be entertained, but for us it's just a regular old week. That is hard for me to deal with. We enjoy our activities (gym, school, play group, swimming, play dates etc) and I find myself quite resentful when he wants to do stuff all the time and we miss our stuff.....yes I know...something we need serious work on.....


However, if you and DH are on the same page, you'll be fine. Before he left I explained to DH that he would have to fit along with us, rather than the other way around as it wasn't fair on the kids to be disrupted because he was too lazy.

DH is away Monday night to Thursday night most weeks.
I found it's easier now that it is a routine than it was when he was coming and going randomly. The boys know when to expect him so they feel more secure than they did before.
I do find it kind of hard to cope with the way that the house stops looking tidy and looks like a mess bomb exploded in it almost as soon as he walks through the door.

My DH works away, however it is not regular as such and varies in time - for example he has been away for a week and is just about to come home but hasn't been away for quite a while before now. anyway, when he is away, we keep our routine exactly the same as when he is home, the only difference being that i give DD her bottle and put her to bed (she is 1) - this is usually done by DH. DD doesn't really seem to be bothered when he is not home, but does ask about him etc. My DH also has this old alarm thing that you can record your voice on and he leaves quirky little messages on there that she can listening to whenever she wants. When DH is home, everything is just normal as i make a concerted effort to keep everything exactly the same when he is away. In saying that though, when he is home he also has to work in the office so i guess it is a bit different in that sense because he has to go to work as well. Although i do work PT as well and on the days he has off and i am at work, i do find it hard knowing that he is either getting to relax or spending time with DD without me (boo!)! TBH, i don't think that it will feel like and overly extreme change him being away and then home if it's one week on, one week off cos the times goes so fast that you don't have time to get out of routine anyway!

not much help but just my experience!

xo

One thing that has suffered is my cooking. There's not much point in cooking a complicated masterpiece for 2 children and myself so I tend to stick to boring stuff that I know the boys will eat.

Haha, me too Onyx.

Some days / weeks are better than others but you get into a routine. I find that when DH is home, he doesn't mean to disrupt the routine, it just happens. If we stick to what we normally do then everything seems to go better. But having him home also means that's when we fit in socialising so invariably things change spur of the moment. Not ideal but thems the breaks...

If I had my druthers, I'd rather he worked mon-fri 9-5, home every night...but that aint going to happen unless we can get a bit more of this house paid off.

DH goes away frequently for generally a week interstate or international and I actually cope a lot better! I am more organized as not waiting for him to come home so I will give kids early tea eat with them then bath play bed etc!
Some weeks are harder than others (DH just been away and I had week from hell with sick kids, power issues and trip to rch for glue to ds1 face) but most times it's fine kids cope ok we talk on skype where possible often kids miss out on seeing daddy in skype but they cope ok!

I'm still learning, just started week 5 (I think) DH has come home once, we all met in Melbourne this weekend just been and hes home next weekend. DS2 misbehaves more when he's home (similar to how he was before DH went away to work) and I make DH fit to our routine. I also tell DH off when he gets stressed with the kids behavior, he can't block out crying etc like I can. The environment is so much more relaxed (even when hectic) with just me and the boys

DH both works and plays away (ITMS) so we have frequent routine disruptions.

We have three routines, one for Daddy home, one for Daddy away (Mammy has work next day/DS is tired) and one for Daddy away (Mammy doesn't work and DS is in a good mood). When DH is home, no quibbles about bedtime. When I am working, DS asks if I'm working then few quibbles - he plays up for me a little more as I don't shout. If I tell him I'm not working, we stay up late and watch a film in bed. Maybe a bit of dancing, we eat "junk" food after our meal and play all sorts! The sorts of nights my sister and I had when parents had a dinner party and we weren't welcome. Those nights were fun and despite being so cruel as to not let Liebs have a sibling his own age, I'm not so cruel to make him miss out on fun.

Only problem is when DH is away and I have to work late. PiL are really good at picking DS up from Nursery though, so backup is there if I need it.

Well hubby is applying for FIFO jobs so with any luck, we'll be doing the part time family thing as well :S

I'm just really worried we're going to get on each others nerves when he is home and end up fighting all the time.

I guess time will tell, he's gotta find a job first!!

Ditto to all the above. DH works 6 weeks away and 2 weeks here. I used to get stressed with the change in routine and him wanting to do things when we had our activities on but now, it is business as usual and with that we keep our routine pretty much. He really does have to fit in with us and he is pretty good with it all. DS loves him being home, DD plays up a bit. The good things are that when he is here for the 2 weeks, he is here all the time so can do the kinder run, takes one or both of the kids out for the afternoon so I get a break and just have DS2 here, it is easier when he is here but in other ways it is harder, but I do try and keep the routine we have, like dinner at the same time, etc, etc. The house definitely gets messier, more clothes washing, cooking for dinner seems harder as there are things he doesn't eat. Yep, you will get your groove with it all, it can be disruptive, but I guess if you set the ground rules first, both be a bit flexible and it will all work out.

How do you find the kids deal with him being away? Are they a bit funny towards him when they come home? I feel sad that she might react badly to him when he first cones home, that will hurt him more than anything. I really need him to be an ongoing part of her life. Oh, she is 14.5 months and we are TTC...

Hi Kelsbels, I was just going through the threads about FIFO work and came across this one. Was wondering did your DH end up doing FIFO,how did it turn out for you? We are considering doing FIFO atm.