needing reassurance

Okay.. so I got to the edge of the cliff and wanted to jump (all in my head) when my 7 month old started waking every hour. on top of that ... she woke up to EVERY SINGLE MOVEMENT AND SOUND ... she also needed the boob to go back to sleep even though she was just on it 20 minutes ago.

we co sleep. always did since she was born. but it got bad. I copped the shingles (with the ring starting right underneath my nipple) which meant i could only feed her from one side. I was in pain from the shingles and her sleep was getting worse. there were nights she slept right on top of me and i had to watch how i was breathing in case she woke up from a change of pace. You might think i'm exagggerating ... I'm not.

needless to say we both didn't sleep very well and yesterday i hit the roof. Exhausted and emotional... i lay her in her cot while I read aloud from my Quran because i needed a boost and she needed to be safe. So she cried and cried while i sat next to her cot till I finished a chapter. Took her out, i fed her and put her back in while I prayed my afternoon prayer 2 metres away from her. she still cried.

I picked her up .... wrapped her and started singin to her and just swaying her in my arms till she fell asleep. I put her back down in her cot gently and walked out the door. She woke up at the sound of my footstpes and started screaming but i kept walking, exiting the room and started crying. For days now her cries have made me cry.

I sat in the living room looking at the clock... telling myself i should go and get her soon. Just not now, I needed to gather myself for another round of wrestling my baby to sleep.
So i sat there while we both cried in different rooms.

suddenly she stopped.

she woke up 2.5 hours later.

That night... she woke up twice as opposed to 5 times in 2 hours.

We both had a good sleep. it's been months since we had that.

Now i feel cruel that I did that. I'm happy yet worried I may have damaged my baby's trust in me. I have never let her cry till that day. I have rocked her for her every sleep ever since she was born. I can't help but feel insecure.

i always could call myself a gentle parent. am I still???

Don't feel cruel - Being a parent means you have to do what is necessary FOR both of you to be safe xoxox Big hugs

Oh, hun :( Don't beat yourself up about what you did. Given your circumstances, I think this was the right choice for you & your baby. You did not neglect her needs - you were trying everything you could do that you were capable of doing then & there in that situation & she still wasn't happy. Sometimes we need to walk out & calm down - she was in a safe place, you calmed down & she did too and then slept!

I really needed a to hear somehting fast. Was desperate to find a reply and I found 2.
thank you very much . you have no idea.

:hug:
You are a mum. You are exhausted. You are unwell. You love your baby. Sometimes what we plan and what works, what we need to do in the moment, are very different things. You haven't damaged your baby.
:hug:

Sounds like you did a fantastic job. You delivered comfort when she asked, company and proximity as well as calming words for you both when you felt stretched and space for you both which resulted in sleep.

Sounds to me you cared in a perfect gentle parenting way - you did what you could with both yours and your baby's needs being taken into consideration.

So glad to hear she managed to get some sleep too. Sleep often begets sleep so i hope this happens for you.
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