I hate my DS's behaviour - help/advice please

So DS turned 2 in Feb. We had DD in April. DS has turned from a lovely little boy into a monster. Every day is a battle for every little thing.

We have a fairly strict routine in the morning. I have to or we would never be ready to go out the door. Milk, play, get dressed, play, breakfast, sunscreen, teeth, shoes. Every step is fought all the way (even play), from saying "no" to tantrums, running away, throwing things, hitting, simply ignoring me. Evenings is a similar story. He refuses to eat his dinner (even things he loves & used to ask for more of), throws things, tantrums. won't get undressed for bath or shower. Forget sitting on the toilet (he loved doing this & still does it at daycare but refuses at home). Until this week, he happily let me dress him after his bath but now that's a battle too :(

Every thing I read says we are doing the right things - setting boundaries, consistent discipline, not giving in, having routines, set bed & nap times.

I have some ideas of what could be the trouble but I'm just not sure where to start.

Jealousy - Maybe he's jealous of the time I spend with DD. He doesn't seem to have any particular problem with her. He wants to play with her & tries to help her. When I'm feeding he gets clingy to me. When I'm not BF, I try to pay as much attention to him as I can. I've tried to keep his routine the same. For example, pre-DD, first thing in the morning, he has a bottle & cuddle with me on the couch. This still happens most mornings but sometimes I can't if I'm BF but when DD's done, I put her down & give him a cuddle. I'm inclined to think this isn't the problem.

Tiredness - His sleep pattern hasn't changed but he seems incredibly tired by bed time. We are going to try an earlier bedtime this weekend to see if that helps.

Teething - He has been showing signs of teething for some time now but so far no new teeth. He's due to get his 2yo molars. Could this be changing his behaviour this much?

Boredom - We try to get him outside as often as possible. He has daycare 3 days a week which he loves.

Normal 2yo behaviour - I've not had a 2yo before so I have no idea if this is normal or extreme. But if it's normal - how on earth do you get through it???

Food additives or intolerance - DS has a pretty good diet but it's not completely free of processed foods. How do you find out if this is a problem? Is there a test that can be done?

Any help or advice or even your own experiences with your 2yo's would be appreciated. I want my sweet little boy back :(
TIA

Hey Hun,

xoxoxo A big hugs xoxox
This all sounds like normal 2yo behaviour they try to push the boundaries its all part of them working out for them selves where they fit in to this crazy world.

My advice to you - if you'd like it is change your routine jsut a smidge... I found that with 2yo's they can read pictures pretty well so do a picture of what you would like him to do... and I would advoid adding in the play until everything is done soo... have a picture of a bottle (milk), then clothes (dressed), bowl (breakfast), sunscreen, teeth, shoes... add them in the order that you ask him to do them, and then point to what he needs to do before play, once they are all done, then let him play.

With dinner - put it in front of him, if he doesn't eat it he doesn't get anything else - he'll only go to bed a few times hungry :D

Routine is good - strict routine however IMO doesn't work.

And the way you get through it - is by pushing through each day - becuase there will be a time when he will understand exactly what you say and you'll be able to talk to him rationally and reason with him (I think this starts to happen as an adult :P)

Try to pick your battles. some things don't matter. At that age we'd skip the bath several nights a week, it just wasn't worth the effort. Dinner, DS eats or doesn't eat, up to him. Don't mention the toilet for a while, he'll come back to it when he wants to.
I would seriously consider loosening up the routine a bit too, or changign things around if you can. Talk him through what's coming next (or use the picture idea if you think that'll work better), that always helps us.
If you put your back up and try to assert yourself absolutely you will have a fight every time. That's why it's best sometimes to just step back a bit, get some perspective on the things that really need to happen and those that can slide. Otherwise you will both just get into the habit of fighting about everything. What are his language skills like?

Sounds normal to me! LOL... but that doesn't help does it. I know DD1 was a great toddler until she hit 2. its like she woke up on her birthday and turned into a little prat!!!! She still has her moments, but now that she is only a couple of months off 3, she is much better.

On the other hand, DS and DD2 were/are shocking under 2's - at 18 months she is driving me bloody batty. DS was the same. He improved after he turned 2, so I'm hoping DD2 will be the same.

Just stick with it - consistency is good, but I agree with Mad - pick your battles. I pick a lot less than DH, which causes friction between us sometimes too. So if you are going to drop some battles - let your DH in on the deal too.

It will pass. Drinking wine helps you get through it in the mean time......

:hug: It's tough and you are doing such a good job. I personally think kids try out this behaviour at home because they feel safe enough to do so. There's a positive that I personally choose to dwell on on occasions.
I'm going to be a bit argumentative. I reckon it's probably a combination of the 2yo thing (which yep, is mighty tough! But it keeps being tough regardless of how old they are... you just get more used to it I think!) AND the fact that he's got a new baby sister. I know he loves her and doesn't show any outward signs of aggression towards her but I still think it's a factor.
TBH, with us it was just a case of waiting it out. Nat and Phoebs are fabulous friends now but it has taken us a while to get here. Nat was a different child (not in a good way) for many months after Phoebe was born and I believe it was a case of her needing to adjust and find her feet once again, a reassessing of where she stood in our family. Understandable really - I think it took me at least 6 months to adjust to Natalie being part of our lives when she was born! Everything changed. I loved her but my life was so dramatically different. Do you GWIM?

Short answer, I reckon, is keep plugging. Keep loving him even though his behaviour infuriates you. Try not to outwardly "care" too much about negative behaviours - I find even now with both girls that the tantrums step up a couple of notches if I am not in control of my own behaviour. Take deep breaths and try to stay calm. I agree that picking your battles helps. Nothing more depressing than constantly banging your head against a brick wall. (which incidentally is something I wouldn't put it past Phoebe to do to herself mid-tanty ;) )

In terms of food additives etc, there are some good websites that talk about the usual suspects. That might be a good place to start. There are even 'naturally occurring' troublesome additives, from memory there's one that many kids react to in grapes...

Good luck, babe. Get through by taking one day at a time and don't forget to enjoy the good moments. xx