Sad / jealous / angry that BF doesn't work for me

On one hand I'm relaxed about our feeding progress. Bub is gaining weight, I'm not stressed, bub is reasonably settled, life is good.

On the other hand, woe is me. Why oh why can't feeding just work for me. I'd love to be able ti breastfeed. It feels so natural to me having Henry drink from my breast. I love having him close.

I have a good plan to get to be exclusively breastfeeding but I'm loosing a bit of motivation. I would have thought I'd see some improvement by now. However being shown today that my attachment is basically crap and I'll have to re-learn that has really got me down. I thought we were doing well. But when I was shown the good attachment the sucking was so much better.

I've also not been able to achieve a let down when expressing so am topping up with formula. I'm hoping that the medela symphony that I'm picking up on Thurs will help with this.

He's still so little and I'm hanging on for him to get a bit bigger so he can suck a bit stronger and longer. I know that will help enormously.

I'm just sticking to my stubborn goal - 3 months and I'll throw the kitchen sink at this to make it work.

But stopping is very tempting. All this effort that could ultimately be for nothing.

Sigh.

Fiona

not for nothing, every feed that give him is giving him lots of good stuff.

the early days can be tough, but hopefully it will get easier as bub gets bigger and stronger.

take care

Hugs hun. DS1 was slow to gain wg (100 grams a week not 150 grams) I could not get much when i expressed eg 20 - 40 mls only. I just kept feeding him frequently and I took various supplements (blessed thistle, Alfalfa worked best did try fenugreek and domperidone) and we got there slowly and surely.

Are you an ABA member?? The local group is great. Have you seen the council LC? they are great come to house and help and support you.

Hang in there you are doing a great job little goals will get you to big goals!!

For an interesting read, even if you choose not to give it a go, Google something called "biological nurturing"... It's basically about a more relaxed, comfortable way to feed and incorporates a bit of baby-led attachment (which was a light-bulb turning point for me). It's basically how I always fed, but didn't know it had a name and felt instead like I was cheating, making it too easy.

I second baby led attachment. Do you have pain when feeding, or are you concerned bub isn't draining the breast, or not building up a supply? Supply issues are best resolved by you staying in bed with you and bub topless and just feed, feed, feed. Not easy with a toddler I know. Do you have irl support around to help you? Breastfeeding is a community thing...you need your community around you to help you do this. Can we help you at all??

Hang in there Hun, you can do it & every time you feed him you're giving him the best thing for him. We had such a rough time bf and I got so close to giving up but eventually things just started working. Right on 3 months bub decided she wouldn't take a bottle anymore, that was hard because of crappy supply but we did it and we are still going strong. It's great you've set yourself a goal, you'll get there and pass it no worries but if you don't that's ok too. Just remember whatever you decide will be what's best for you & bub. Keep up the good work :)

:hug:. Just want to let you know those feelings are very familiar to me, so you are not alone. I've gone the EE path and I still feel disappointed in not getting attachment right but at the time it was either EE or go down the path of PND and not being a very functional person. Even when I went to EE it was very small timeframe goals, like making it to week 3, then week 4, and if I made than, then reset the goal to week 6 etc. Perhaps that might be easier for you than a longer goal?

Definitely not for nothing :hug:
Try to think of it this way - it's one part of your mothering and like every other part it takes time to get it right. It's not all over if things don't work perfectly right away - there's always tomorrow. And if we copromise along the way, that's ok too.

It sounds like your bub is going well, and you've just gotten a little help along with better attachment, so this is good.

Take care

Your efforts will never be for nothing. Just by making the effort you are giving your little boy the best possible start, and I think that's an incredibly loving thing to do.

I second your local ABA group. Even if it ends up not working, you will be fully supported there.

Good luck. Hang in there mate.

Have you read through some of the success stories?
It can be a long hard road for some, but there's light at the end of the tunnel.
I gave up the first 2 times, but struggled through 6 weeks with DS & 10 weeks with DD3 to be able to succeed.
My babies have a high palate & I worked out 4th time around that at around 5 kgs their mouths are big enough to start working properly.

Just remember that you both being happy & relaxed is the most important thing.

While I'm on a role, the other thing that irrits me is the differing advice you get from qualified LCs. Surely attachment is attachment and that's that?

I think part of the jealously cones from my mothers group friend. First time round we were the two formula feeders of the group. She had her second a few days after me and is going great with breastfeeding. She said the difference in feeding a 34 weeker as opposed to a 39 weeker is staggering. My Henry was 36 weeks so I know it's more like her first than second but I still wish it was that easy for me.

I think I will read the success stories when I get a moment. Inspiration is defiantly welcome.



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:hug: I know where you are at. It's really, really tough when things aren't working. Yes it can be confusing when different LCs offer different advice. I found it frustrating and the lack of continuity didn't help...but then I don't think anything was going to help in my situation. On the upside I learnt a lot of different things from having different LCs.

I believe I was bordering on PND for awhile when continuously failing to attach DS and I so didn't want to be on the breast pump every 3-4 hours. It felt like I was dragging a ball and chain around in the early days and then it just got easier as time went on.

The best thing I did was to pump to keep my supply up and my hand in with a chance. I gave up attaching at 9 weeks due to problems which just couldn't be overcome and my DS suffering from what was a negative feeding experience. On the upside keeping up my supply meant I can still give my DS breast milk through EE and I take some comfort in that.

If you are worried about low supply there are some things you can try and I'm sure your LC would be able to assist in working out what is best for you.

I admire your commitment by going and getting the Symphony and I hope that it works for you. I really hope that you reach your goal of BF and good on you for fighting to get there. Just remember if you can't get there your relationship with your little one is more important in my opinion and there is more than one way to skin a cat. Set your goals small and give yourself short timeframes to achieve small steps. Focus on one feed, or one pump at a time to reduce how daunting the process can be. As others have said try and take heart in every feed of BM you give as doing your little one good.

Take care of yourself!!

Thanks Lisa. I haven't had a moment to reply to your lovely PMs, sorry!

My first son was FF from 6 weeks and we have a beautiful relationship. It's just that I'm very stubborn!!


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:hug: I hear you. It's really really hard. My biggest regret is that I didn't keep trying... I have read so many successs stories, after I stopped. I needed them before! Big hugs :hug:

Hi FabFiona

It sounds like you are doing an incredible job...and stubbon is good!
When a bub is very small, a good attachment can be tricky. My DD was 2.6 kg at birth, and it took 6 (long exhausting frustrating painful tearful) weeks for us to get it together, but once we got it - brilliant! It came down to good attachment. One thing I know now, but did not know then, is about 'baby-led attachment". Australian Breastfeeding Association - Baby-led attachment Lots of skin to skin cuddles and frequent feeds can really help with a small bub. And don't forget you can call the brestfeeding helpline (1800MUM2MUM) any time. The local ABA group is a great source of support and help (esp. when you have a toddler). They can give you some great ideas to help with let down when expressing: Australian Breastfeeding Association -

xo
Catherine

It was stubbornness that kept me at it as well, that and my indecisiveness. It's stubbornness that sees me now almost 4 months along hoping on the breast pump every 3-4 hours...lol