Should I say something?

A girl at work lost her baby in March at around 20weeks. She took a month off and when she came back to work her manager sent round an email to say that she didn't want to speak about so to please not bring it up - business as usual. She is the assistant on my project team and I am the project manager.

I am aware that her EDD is coming up this month and my heart breaks for her as I know she must be feeling so sad around this time.

My question is, do you think it's appropriate that I say something, write an email, give her a card to say that I'm thinking about her during this time?

... Or just leave it?

My heart aches for her.

I think if she has requested it not be discussed then maybe it's best to leave it.
Bringing up that your thinking of her at 'this time' might only draw more attention to her that this was the month her baby should have been here. IYKWIM
Maybe if she seems down you could ask if she's ok in passing and just let her know your there if she needs a chat, without discussing what you think is the issue.

Others who have been through this might have more of an idea though. :hug: and she's lucky to have you as support.

I would definitely not bring it up. I might consider leaving a small box of chocolates or a small gift/something nice anonymously on her desk, just something non confronting to let her know that people are thinking of her. That way she doesn't have to approach or thank anyone, it's just there. I don't know though, it would depend on how I knew her as to whether id do that or not.

I wouldn't want to discuss my loss with everyone at work, but i would really appreciate the acknowledgment by a simple card or e-mail of a colleague. If you have an ok relationship, i think something simple would be nice. Maybe send it or give it at the end of the day though, so if it does bring up feelings, she doesn't have to deal with them at work.

I wouln't say anything specific to her either. She might want to make work her sanctuary kind of, where she goes and there is nothing to remind her of her baby or pg, kwim? When I had my m/c's it was really hard to go to work because I am a childcare worker, but my sanctuary was the gym. Noone knew about my babies and I could go there and just be me and not think about any of it.

Thanks for the advice guys. I think I'll just leave it and not say anything.

I'm just so sad for her :(

Do you know what? I would.
Do you have her home address?
A plain card that says you know she doesn't want it brought up at work, but that you understand it's such a hard time for her, that you're thinking about her and her DH and that if she needs some leeway you'll do what you can.

if i felt the need to acknowledge the moment, i'd probably leave a little red foil love heart choccy (or two, three or a million) on her desk...she can take it either as a lovely gesture and a yummy distraction from work if she doesnt want to bring it up and/or a simple, quiet token of your thoughts for her and her baby ITMS.

that said, i have zero experience from her perspective so am totally going on the ignoramous tangent :redface:

A card would be lovely. Just let her know to open it at home. If you look up lostforwordscardline, you'll find some beautiful cards for baby loss.

Also, she may need to take that day off work, if it's a work day.

No don't do it.

SHe has specifically told the Boss she doesn't want to discuss it and she just wants to carry on business as usual. So the nicest thing you can do for her is to NOT do anything .... maybe make her a coffee or something but uf she has asked for it not to be discussed then she has made her stance pretty clear.

Cards etc are a lovely gesture and if you had a close friendship perhaps mail something to her house but she is probably trying to keep her mind focussed when she is at work and something might cause her to backslide in her greif.

:hug: what a lovely person you are though. Like I said if you have a close relationship with her send a card or something to her home but she might also have the stance that she doesn't want any physical reminders of what is missing from her life ITMS.

Its tricky, maybe she will take the day off work?

Nae x

Yeah, you all have really good points.

I'm not going to say or do anything to acknowledge her loss. I will however, light a candle in remembrance of her and other friends I know with angel babies when I go to church next Sunday :)