It was made real today..

Today was one of the worst days of my life, i have never felt so scared, nervous or so gut wrenchingly sick in my whole life.

I got the worst sleep last night, i went to bed early and cried myself to sleep. When DP came to bed him being there next to me bad it impossible to sleep and then the cramping started. I went back and fourth to the toilet passing clots and just bleeding so heavy. I don't know what time it was but i eventually fell asleep and woke up at 6am with really bad cramping i got up and sat in the loungeroom and cried my eyes out for about an hour then i crawled back in bed and tried to sleep. I felt the urge to pee so i got up and as i did there was the biggest gush of blood, it completely soaked my pyjama pants and flooded onto the carpet i instantly yelled for a towel and DP told me to stand in the shower. I stood there for 20 mins just letting blood pour out of me. I was hunched over by the pains and was screaming. I begged for us to go to the hospital but we decided i couldnt go on a bus or in a taxi and we couldnt get a hold of my mum so we called an ambulance as the bleeding wasnt easing and the pains were becoming unbearable.

By 10am i was at the hospital, DP had to get a bus. I was put into a bed and a lovely nurse Chantelle tended to me and she was so lovely she asked how i was and wanted me to tell the truth and i burst into tears and she held my hand and told me to let it all out. She did my obs and my BP was high which she said was good as it was better than low. After an hour DP, my mum and DD turned up and it made it so much easier. I was then moved to a quiter area where i was told that my ultrasound wasnt booked until 4:30. It was horrible waiting all day. Then it was made real..

We went in for the ultrasound and all she said was "i'm sorry but i don't see a gestational sac.." and i just zoned out. She said more things but i didnt hear her and didn't want to hear anymore. By 5pm i was back at my bed and a doctor came to give me the news again and to tell me that because it was a complete miscarriage i could go home but if i began to bleed again or have severe pain i should come back. A nurse came to take my canulla out, and i could have punched her in the face when she asked what the ultrasound showed and she said "oh well get back on the horse try again" :crying: we hadn't tried for this baby and i don't even know if i want to try i couldn't go through this again it was awful.

I just want my baby back..

what an insensitive comment from that nurse - LMS I'm so sorry you had hear that BS, after your experience. Complete disregard for you, complete belittling of what you went thru, and your love for your baby.

No wonder there are special organisations for women who have suffered miscarriages. The experience itself is bad enough, but for that response afterwards, in a medical facility - beggars belief.

hugs to you sweets.

I'm so sorry, honey. I would have punched that nurse in the face.

I hope everything eases up for you soon. Big big big hugs.

xoxoxo

I'm really sorry you've had to go through this hun :(

Hope you have lots of support xo

I'm so sorry.

:( :hug: :comfort:

I'm very sorry for your loss :hug:

:comfort:

What a horrible day for you, I am so sorry that nurse was so heartless. Some people have no idea. The nurse in recovery who as with me when I woke up after my D&C crying told me "don't worry, you'll have more" - I remember thinking how could she say this to someone who had just lost their baby and had fertility treatment to get to this point. All I wanted was the baby that I had lost - not another one! Sending you huge hugs and an ear if you need one. Take care xx

Oh sweety, I feel the pain in your post. It truly isnt fair you have lost your precious baby.

Im sorry the nurse was so insensitive to you, I was told the same thing after each m/c. They just dont get it.

Hugs xx

I'm really sorry for your & your family's loss and I'm sorry you had an insensitive nurse, some people just don't think. Just remember there is plenty of support here on BB, the reason I originally joined BB.

That's so awful LMS :hug:

Lots of love and hugs huni...Im sooo sorry xxx

Oh LMS, that is horrible. How heart breaking for you. I'm so sorry for your loss :hug:

Sorry you are going through this, sending you lots of love and strength.

Regards,
Dianne

Thanks everyone :)

DP is so upset and furious about the treatment or lack of treatment i recieved throughout this whole ordeal. His mum works at the hospital as a ward support and she came down to see us yesterday and he just about nearly burst into tears telling her how disgusted he is. While i agree i just don't want to say anything, i don't want to have tell people what happened and go through it again.

I told DP, and i guess myself last night that i am ok but im really not. I passed another bit of tissue and it just all came flooding back. I want my baby back i want to be pregnant still i want to be happy and excited to give DD a sibling. I keep stuffing up last night i said i needed to get my blood tests and then corrected myself and said no i dont because im not pregnant anymore. I had kept the big w baby sale catalogue as we were going to be laybying things but i let DD tear that up.

I'm glad DD is very young and didnt understand anything. She was great the whole time, i was hysterical right after it happened and she cuddled and kissed me. I am so blessed to have her.

The early days after loss are so hard. You are still in shock, trying to comprehend what has happened. Unfortunately reminders are everywhere. I lost my first Angel a year ago and I still tense up and feel a lump in my chest when I see my friend's baby who is the same age my Angel would have been. Its ok to feel overwhelmed right now, but the intensity of the grief will reduce over time.

As for the hospital treatment, maybe get your DP to explain it so you dont have to re-live it, unless you feel up to it.

Im sorry you are going through this too.

:hug: I'm so sorry you are having such an awful time :(