Feeling a bit resentful...

I posted here a few weeks back about deciding to formula feed my baby due to having had a recent breast reduction. Part of why I didn't want to BF was due to still having painful scars from the surgery and also having been back to hospital twice since the surgery with infections - which is why I just wanted to 'leave my boobs alone'.
The other part of why I decided against BF is because my plastic surgeon told me I would likely need a follow up procedure if I was to BF again as they would likely sag or change shape...and she also said I have a higher chance of getting mastitis.

Anyway, I had my beautiful baby boy nearly 2 weeks ago now and from the first day my Husband was putting pressure on me to try and BF him. He kept saying things like 'I'm not pressuring you, but I've been reading a lot about BF and it is the healthiest thing for him' and 'If it was me, I would give my right arm to my baby if it was the best thing for him'.

So, as you can imagine I was feeling REALLY guilty. I am now expressing every 3 hours and whilst it is uncomfortable due to my surgery and NOT what I wanted, I am doing it to keep my Husband happy and to avoid feeling anymore guilt about it.

I must admit, I do feel good about giving him my milk (he is still on formula as well though as I am not producing enough for him) but a HUGE part of me is feeling rather resentful of being forced in to it.

Since my milk came in my boobs are obviously heavier and to me they already look saggy. I have also noticed some stretch marks on my boobs. I know some people may think I'm being superficial but I went through a LOT to be happy with the way my boobs look (I was previously a very saggy 14H) and I feel really peeved off that I have had to go through this as well now.

I know where my Husband is coming from, of course I already know the benefits of BF - but I am just really disappointed that he hasn't really taken my feelings in to account before he opened his mouth. To get my breast reduction I worked hard to lose 30kg, went through a 4 hour surgery and several weeks recovery, was back in hospital on two occasions due to infections and they had only just got better when I found out I was pregnant. Surely if anyone should understand why I decided to formula feed it should be my Husband when he was there through everything???

Just wanted to vent a bit...:crying:

Big hugs hunny. Do what you want to do. It's your body, if you're uncomfortable (physically or emotionally) by bfing bub, then don't. A happy mummy = a happy home/baby/hubby. Have you told your hubby how you feel about what he's saying to you? Maybe he doesn't understand how you feel and what he's doing to you.

Huge :hug:

It's hard when you feel pressured into it because I think it just takes away any of the enjoyment if none of it is your choice. I wish I had some advice but I can offer you :hug:

I have told him that it has made me feel guilty and I am only doing it to keep him happy but he kind of just brushes that aside and makes comments like 'But look at how clever our daughter is, that's down to you feeding her your milk even though it was hard work'. In his own way I suppose he is trying to be encouraging but it always just comes across like he will think badly of me if I decide to stop giving him my milk.

I expected to come across some judgement from midwives and health workers etc about my decision to FF but I wasn't prepared for the comments my husband has made. If anything I actually felt very supported whilst in hospital - several midwives asked why I was FF and when I explained they all said 'Fair enough, I can understand why you don't feel comfortable with BF'. Why can't my Husband see it like that?

When I was pregnant DP and I discussed breast-feeding and agreed it would be the best thing for bubs. I knew that it might be hard to get it established and I asked DP to encourage and support me through any emotional periods I might have. Fast forward to the birth and the first week after DS was born I tried so damn hard to feed him and I had no milk. After 7 days DS was now underweight and I was hysterical. I started to try to express milk and it took me all day to get even 60mLs. Eventually we were allowed home and I was starting to get upset, more stressed and not enjoy my time with DS. DP was there by my side trying to encourage me. I told him I wanted to give up and my reasons why - he tried to talk me out of it, started pushing me to keep trying. At 3 in the morning he'd get up and try to encourage me to feed him first before I gave him formula.....I started to resent DP. I told him my reasons again why I wanted to go solely onto formula and DP thought I was just tired and emotional. LOL. It took me another week to STOP him from pushing me. He thought he was doing the right thing as this is what we had discussed before DS was born. Anyway......once he saw the change in my personality when I started only formula feeding DS he realised that although breast feeding was the best thing for baby, that the best thing for our family was what I felt was right. From that moment on he's supported me and I've never looked back.

Sorry that was long-winded but I just thought I'd share...you need to stand up for what you know is right. If they means FFing then that is what it means. Good luck which ever way you decide to go.

He sounds amazingly besotted with your DD. Gorgeous!

It's frustrating isn't it, when they just don't seem to understand. My DH spent the first week of DD1's life trying to tell me how to feed her and it got me really stressed out.

If he is not listening to how you feel about it, maybe ask him why he is so concerned about FF. What is the worst thing that he thinks is going to happen? I really don't know but it might open the discussion up a little bit if he has to start justifying his opinion rather than you always justifying yours.