Advice re daycare

This is my first time posting so please bare with me.

My 2 year old DS goes to daycare 2 days a week and has been since 1yr. Lately everytime I drop him off he cries histerically and doesn't want me to go. I stay with him to calm him down then leave (the teachers told me I should just drop him and go). He used to love going and talk about his teachers all the time, now when you mention them he says "no school mummy".
I mentioned to a teacher today that he is not happy to which she tells me that he has been picking on the babies and hitting and pushing and pulling and pulling kids onto the ground. He is getting naughtier and is very dominant?? One of the teachers then walked past me and said "headlocks are the new thing" and walked off....WTF?? They made me feel like he is the only child who hits etc.....
I don't know what's going on? He used to love it, now hates it??
he is also still in the baby room and I think getting bored.

Is this normal behaviour??? How can I help him enjoy it again??

Sorry for the massive rant....hope it makes sense :-)


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It concerns me that your centres carers haven't raised these issues to you about your sons behaviour prior to you talking to the teacher about his reluctance to go - do you have a daily communication book or something where they leave you some notes regarding his day?

I'd be really annoyed if I was in your position, they should be working with you to ensure that his experience at care is a positive one, and also making comments like that in passing are just not on, how rude and condescending. I'd be arranging a meeting with either the director or your DSs primary carer and talking through these issues, and working out a plan of action so that if both you and they need to teach him to change his behaviours with the other kids you can support him and provide consistent support. Perhaps he needs more stimulation and is ready to move up to the next group? At our centre the toddlers move out of the baby room and into the toddler room around their 2nd birthday (assuming they are ready for the change, and most kids are)

So sorry this has happened, leaving kids in childcare is hard enough without having to put up with issues like that.

I'm pretty much going to say exactly what MummyNaomi said. It could be that he does need to be moved up to the next room (because I always thought it happened on/around the 2nd birthday), and if the daycare isn't instigating the transition (which from the sounds of things, they're not), then I would definitely be pushing for it. Don't be afraid to be a bit pushy (or a lot, if the situation calls for it) to get what's best for your child (whom you know best, not them).

And believe me, he certainly isn't the only child who hits/bites/pushes/etc. (He can't be, 'cos I've got one who used to bite!)

I hope that helps. :hug:

im surprised they havent raised the issues about you're before hand.
and what are they doing to try and stop it.

Sorry, in a rush, but just wanted to say that is not good enough!

aask for him to be transitioned up to the next room and also ask as to why these issues havnet been raised with you before. just ask what their behaviour management strategies are also, what is happening when he displays some of these behaviours. if they are puttin him in 'time out' excessively etc, this could be a possible reason as to why he isnt enjoying going to day care anymore. having said that though, once he has moved up and given him a few months to settle in and if their answers arent satisfactory i would consider moving him to a different centre. the comments that the staff made to you are very unprofessional and lead me to believe that they may not be acting professionally in their conduct also? (that could be totally wrong but just goin by what you have written that is my feeling. ) day care is alot about 'feeling' so if you are getting a funny vibe i would look into it. :-)

It can be normal for children to start feeling seperation anxiety at any age and begin to show signs of this, but from your post there obviously seems to be more to this than just that.
Can I ask what ages they take in each room as I know some services have 0-3 year old rooms where as some have 0-2 year old rooms, so if he is two and in a 0-2 year old room ask about transitioning him to the older room, they may not have done so due to spaces etc yet but you can enquire about it.
Also I would be raising the concern like the others have said about why have you not been told about his behaviour before and also ask how they are managing this behaviour when it happens.
I also think that the staff members comment about the headlock was very inappropriate and unprofessional and would also speak to the Director of the centre about this, the staff should be maintaining professionalism at all times and even if they are finidng his behaviour difficult they should be working on a behaviour management plan to deal with it and look at what is causing the behaviour.
One of the biggest things I work on with my staff when we have challenging behaviours is looking at the environment first is there something in the environment causing the behaviour or which needs to be changed, which in your DS case he could be bored if he is one of the only older children in the room and they are not catering for this.

Good luck and I hope that you can get some good answers and that the staff are proffessional and willing to work with you on this.

Same as others have suggested. Talk to the carers, ask for him to moved up to the next room.

But it makes me angry to think the staff have acted that way towards you. I would be talking to the director, then if the situation is not resolved to your satisfaction I would be finding a new centre for your DS to attend.

It also worries me that he no longer wants to go. That in itself should be a major warning sign to you, and you need to find out what has changed for him to dislike care so much.

Hope you can get this resolved, and your ds enjoys daycare again

Just a quick post to say he should be moved from the baby room by now unless they don't have the room. My DS daycare was up to 15months then they went into the next room. Also not good enough they have not discussed his behaviour with you.

It is however fairly normal to experience this type of separation anxiety as they get older and wiser. He would now understand the ques better. A certain bag means care without mummy, etc and so on. My son started the same thing right around 2yrs of age.....didn't even like it when we drove past the centre and couldn't get him in the door. Though I didn't work so I pulled him out for a year and then he happily went again when he was old enough to again understand better.

I agree it isnt good enough from the centre POV. especially the carere making a snide comment as she walked past you - that is just not on at all. I would speak to the room leader or the director about this.
In terms of his bahaviour, I am surprised they havent mentioned this to you... but would be good to determin a strategy with them to deal with it.
I agree with the others on moving up a room - I guess it depends om how the rooms are structured at your centre - at mine we have a lot of rooms - Babies, 18months to 2.5 yrs 2-3 yrs, 2.5-4 years and ELC. so my son moved at around 18 months (they all move in Jan)
I also agree it is normal for reactions to seperation to change,but the other issues still need ot be addressed
Good luck

I find it hard to tell....

I find it hard to know (from what you've said) whether they are being snide or affectionate with their comments - you know like it could be just a wry/we're all in it together/isn't he a little terror but we love him type comment or it could be critical?

In terms of his behaviour - I think it's normal. My son was the same, and transitioning him into an older room helped massively. At a certain point at age 2 (or just before 2 I think it was) he was absolutely shocking with pushing etc and now (just past 3) he really never causes an issue with roughness (well not deliberately, lol).

In terms of him changing from wanting to go to not wanting to go - both my toddlers have had a spot of this, I remember my 1 year old did this around at 18 mths (apparently this can be a separation anxiety developmental thing, not a sign of something changing in terms of their actual experience, if that makes sense?)

So I think the only one who can really say si you... Do the carers seem interested in talking to you? Particularly with my son, I know I've experienced different issues at different times but I feel comfortable because the carers seem to like him and seem to be interested in talking about him and working out strategies with him. There will always be problems with behaviour, separation anxiety etc etc but it's how the carers work with you to resolve them that's the crucial aspect (IMO). There's nothing worse than leaving your baby somewhere and not being sure if they are being loved, taught kindly, etc etc.

Hi everyone
Thankyou so much for taking the time to reply. Sorry I haven't replied earlier.
After a bad night of not being able to sleep and thinking about it all, I went to daycare the next morning to speak to the director. I explained what had happened the previous day and about DS not being happy. She was not happy at all. She was very dissapointed that the staff member was like that toward me. She also explained that they didn't have room to move him up permanently till Jan but they will transition him from now on when another child is away or goes home early. I didn't go to pick DS up that day but hubby said the said staff member was super nice to him. Can't wait to see how she is to me next week.

The room setup is 0-2, 2-3, 3-4 and 4-5.

I am hoping this is just a bit of separation anxiety as some of you have suggested. Ill see how he goes in the new room and if nothing changes ill be moving him to another centre.

Thanks again for all your messages :-)

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Glad to hear your chat with the director was productive and she addressed your concerns - thats fantastic and shows that she is on the same page as you

Hope the separation anxiety (if thats the cause) settles and DS is much happier now :)